DH doesn’t want to care for DD when I’m at work anymore

[PoppySeedBun18]

So, here goes:

I came off maternity leave about a month ago. The plan was for DD to have a childminder on Monday and Friday when I’m at work. This would be paid out of my part time wages. Well, a month in and it’s all going to pot already!

I work on ambulances so my shifts are long and I have to do at least one night shift a week. I book my own shifts but often get kicked off them meaning I have to make up the hours on a weekend day/night. I cam back yesterday having done a 12 hour day shift (and a 12 hour night shift on Friday) for DH to start ranting that looking after 1yo Dd is too hard and he can’t cope. His exact words were ‘i need to relax at the weekend, and if I have to look after dd after a week of work it will kill me’.

Now I’m in a predicament. I have to work next Friday and Saturday night (was supposed to be working on Monday but lost that shift) and am working tonight too, and won’t be home till 3am (again I was supposed to finish at 11pm but got moved so now am finishing at 2am). What am I supposed to do? I’ve only been a month on this contract and it’s the most flexible one they offer. I can’t give up work as we can’t afford it and we have no family who can help.

He’s basically left me with this dilemma which I have to figure out. We were planning to have a second child which he’s now refusing (he won’t even sleep with me anymore ‘just in case’).

So I now feel guilty as shit as well as chronically sleep deprived. What can I do???

Well it might be hard work and an awful slog but that doesnt mean you can opt out.
Worth noticing that its always men who think they can opt out and say things like 'I cant do it. This will kill me' whilst expecting THEIR PARTNER to find a solution.
Women just get on with it on the ground that they have brought a human being into the world, its their responsibility and they just have to deal with it in a way that is at least not detrimental but better is benficial to the child.

Thats what @Isleepinahedgefund means by accepting his position. Why is it ok for him to opt out, regrdless of whether beig a parent is a slog or not??

Erm wtf! I work full time and so does DH! I still have to look after kids at the weekend I'd love to relax! Tell him to bog off!

Whaaaat? Sorry I have not read the whole thread but i loved the bit where he can't relax at the weekend when he's been working all week. Welcome to my world you twat!

Women just get on with it on the ground that they have brought a human being into the world, its their responsibility and they just have to deal with it in a way that is at least not detrimental but better is benficial to the child.

Do they? There are some women on here saying that it very nearly broke them and I certainly couldn't have done it without sharing the slog with my husband, both to give me a complete break but also to just be around at the same time sometimes so share it. I don't know how I would have coped being a single parent or doing what the OPs husband is doing and working full time and then parenting alone at the weekend. I've only ever worked part time as a mum. I honestly couldn't have worked full time and then looked after the children single handedly.