I suspect I probably am... husband gently criticised my hygiene around the washing up.

[SilkClayFlowers]

My dh works ridiculously long hours in a high octane and high skilled job. I’m currently working only one day a week and look after are two dc aged 14 m and 6yrs. So rightly I also do all the housework given the circumstances.

I found dh yesterday doing the washing up and as this is so rare my passive aggressive senses started tingling and I asked him why.

He said the kitchen and sink area were disgusting and he had to give it a proper clean. He had a point. The weekend was especially hectic (he was away working for most of it) and I hadn’t really cleaned it since Friday night!

My AIBU is that I was trying to explain the constant drudgery of just keeping the house basically ok means I can’t do I deep clean just on a whim like him because I’m constantly firefighting e.g alway putting cushions back on sofa, wiping up could spills, the endless, bloody endless laundry!! If I had the time I’d love nothing more than to stick on some headphones, have some alone time and crack on with the deep cleaning.

Anyway, as I said I suspect given the circumstances of having a dh who apart from this never complains when the house is a tip that I might be unreasonable!

And you may have nothing better to do than pick fights with internet randomers @MaryMcCarthy but I do, so I won’t be biting if you start your shite on me again

Hmmm, I honestly think working one day a week with one toddler at home it should be not that difficult to keep somewhere shipshape.

You seem to want him to show his appreciation of all your hard work but do you thank him all the time for all his hard work?

Doesn't sound too bad to me - you do say he had a point.

However, rather than worrying about it, I'd be looking for practical things to make life easier.

1. A dishwasher. If you can fit one in, it will make everything seem so much easier.

1. How about 'treating' yourself to a cleaning company deep clean?You tidy, they come in and after a morning's work, the place gleams. It's then a lot easier to keep on top of.

I've mentally allocated some money from my forthcoming redundancy payment to do exactly that. DP won't see the point. But I do because I see the half arsed attempts he makes to clean, as he always gets a bit 'Am I in trouble?' when I get so sick of crud left in the corners because he's incapable of putting things away that I empty the fridge, scrub all the kitchen and then give him a look/say 'it was revolting'. I'm not criticising him. But he is a bit shit at cleaning the places where it really matters.

Hmmm, I honestly think working one day a week with one toddler at home it should be not that difficult to keep somewhere shipshape.

And the OP doesn’t say the place is usually a midden, does she?

The times when I'm working and dh looks after the house, I'll be honest it annoys me if basic cleaning things aren't done. When he works i manage it. It doesn't take much time to do the basics and i think it's nice for the person working to come home to a clean house.

How do you deep clean a sink area?

He wasn't. He was just doing the washing up. Presumably for pots and pans left from a couple of days before.

Which is fine.

Many pps seem to be missing the point.
Why explain to the OP how she can keep the house in tip top shape? He saw something that needed doing and he did it. That should be encouraged and not an issue.
The main problem is the OP assuming that's her job and taking offense from him doing it.

The main problem is the OP assuming that's her job and taking offense from him doing it.

Which would be unlikely if - as many posters are conveniently ignoring - he made a habit of it. He doesn’t. He literally never does it, other than on this occasion.

Exactly. And he should be encouraged and expected to do more. Not get in a row for having done it.

Or getting a cleaner or a dishwasher.

And he should be encouraged and expected to do more. Not get in a row for having done it.

He’s not a baby who needs praise and a pat on the head. The question is whether he was being rude, calling the sink disgusting, not whether the OP was starting a row. Maybe she was, but maybe that is because he was doing rude, passive aggressive cleaning when he considers it to be “her job”.

Not starting a row is not a pat on the head.
Encouraging him to do more also doesn't involve pats on heads.
It just involves not questioning his reasons for doing it (his reasoning wasn't faulty: it needed doing) and being positive about his doing it, instead of assuming it was criticism.

Lwej

If he was being passive aggressive, he started the row. He could try picking up a dishcloth often enough that it doesn’t make people look at him like he’s just sprouted an extra head.

He did the dishes without saying a word.
Is that being passive aggressive now?

Please explain how he is going to pick up more house work if this is the reaction he gets.

I think some posters have never experienced the passive aggressive vibes to know what OP is talking about. Of course OP might be projecting and imagining it but it's really obvious when someone is cross even if they don't say anything

It's that and the judgement OP is bothered by, not the act of cleaning the sink!

*He did the dishes without saying a word.
Is that being passive aggressive now? shock

Please explain how he is going to pick up more house work if this is the reaction he gets.*

Yes, it is, if the only reason you are doing it to make a point to the other person that you ‘had to do it’.

And in my home it would never get to this point, where one person doing a few dishes was worthy of comment.