I suspect I probably am... husband gently criticised my hygiene around the washing up.

[SilkClayFlowers]

My dh works ridiculously long hours in a high octane and high skilled job. I’m currently working only one day a week and look after are two dc aged 14 m and 6yrs. So rightly I also do all the housework given the circumstances.

I found dh yesterday doing the washing up and as this is so rare my passive aggressive senses started tingling and I asked him why.

He said the kitchen and sink area were disgusting and he had to give it a proper clean. He had a point. The weekend was especially hectic (he was away working for most of it) and I hadn’t really cleaned it since Friday night!

My AIBU is that I was trying to explain the constant drudgery of just keeping the house basically ok means I can’t do I deep clean just on a whim like him because I’m constantly firefighting e.g alway putting cushions back on sofa, wiping up could spills, the endless, bloody endless laundry!! If I had the time I’d love nothing more than to stick on some headphones, have some alone time and crack on with the deep cleaning.

Anyway, as I said I suspect given the circumstances of having a dh who apart from this never complains when the house is a tip that I might be unreasonable!

Well he was cleaning it so what’s the problem? He noticed it needed cleaning and then cleaned it? He didn’t abuse you and demand you do it and ignore it himself so I think YABU.

He saw it was dirty, so cleaned it. The bastard.

My DH does this.

I leave him to it, we are both responsible for our house. If we notice something we are not happy with then crack on and sort it.

I tend to keep the place tidy, surface clean and do a bit of deep cleaning every now and then if I'm bored whereas DH's idea of cleaning is to surface clean surfaces in eye line. He'd never think to deep clean though despite him apparently having higher standards than me...

I really don't give it too much thought tbh.

For me the kitchen and bathrooms should always be clean so yabu. I don’t mean spotless and gleaming all the time because obviously that’s not possible but clean and hygienic definitely. If you clean as you go and regularly then you never need to deep clean anything.

I don’t really care how many hours someone works - they can clean their own sink, can’t they?

So he didn't reproach you, didn't require you to do it, jut got on with it without making a fuss and you are still annoyed with him? YABU.

Yes, he’s not an abusive bastard!

I’m just annoyed that he doesn’t seem to see the constant surface stuff I do that keeps the house going.

I am being unreasonable as I suspected.

He didn't gently criticise he said it was so disgusting he had to step in even though he is way to important and has a high octane job.
What rubbish don't buy into this crap!

I'm not seeing an issue? something was amiss and he corrected it.

If he had had a go at you for the sink being filthy and not done anything about it I could understand your annoyance but he did clean it. What would you rather be do? Leave it dirty?

We’ve all been busy with small children but somethings like clean kitchen sink/worktops and toilets are a necessity OP.

formerbabe

He saw it was dirty, so cleaned it. The bastard.

^^ this

YABU. The kitchen and sink are more important then putting cushions back on the sofa. And unless you’re hand washing everything there really is no work in doing the laundry.

I’m just annoyed that he doesn’t seem to see the constant surface stuff I do that keeps the house going.

Yes, he lets you do literally everything - and you have bought into this, going by your first post - and then feels the need to correct it from time to time.

He needs to do more, if he isn’t happy with the standard, by the sounds of it.

Just say " Great , thanks, didn't get a chance to do it ".

I’m just annoyed that he doesn’t seem to see the constant surface stuff I do that keeps the house going.

Have you thought that maybe he does? And that's why he was helping you? He sounds like a keeper to me

Maybe he does see it and that is why he got to work on the kitchen rather than expecting you to do it?

Just say " Great , thanks, didn't get a chance to do it ".

No! Don’t thank your husband for doing basics in his own house.

I get it OP. The 'disgusting' comment hurt and probably felt a bit over the top.

My BIL is like this and it used to drive my sister mad til she just stopped caring and left him to it. They stayed in ours while cat-sitting a while back and he went to town on the sink, which IMO was perfectly clean. I asked my sister and she said he complained it was dirty because there was a tiny bit of limescale around the tap, and it wasn't absolutely sparkling. It had been cleaned before we left but not deep cleaned. It does feel like you're being judged.

Who said he was abusive?!

Running a home is like a permanent Groundhog Day especially with little children. You are always recleaning or retidying the same places over and over. DH went through a phase of thinking I sat around watching tv all day and that was why the house was ok but never immaculate. I started writing down everything I did throughout the day in a list so he could see the volume of work I actually put in to maintain the state of ok whilst looking after small DC. If he was off I would do exactly the same as him and ignore the house completely. When he moaned that it was a filthy tip I would point out that it wasn’t just my job and that when he’s home it’s as much his responsibility as mine and if he did nothing why should I.

It sounds like his attitude was less 'Oh, that's a job that needs doing so I will do it' and more, much more 'Look at me, I work so hard to provide for my family and the lazy cow I married can't even keep up with the dishes so I, poor underappreciated hard working Important Man, must wash some dishes. And I'm not going to shut up about it until she's on her knees in gratitude.'

He seen something needed cleaning so he cleaned it, why is it so hard to keep the kitchen sink area clean, i clean mine every time i do the dishes, i'm not a clean freak but i like my kitchen and bathroom clean

I work part time and have 4 kids, one disabled, and do most of the housework. I LOVE when DP gets in one of his IT MUST ALL BE CLEAN!! moods. Crack on there dude, I can actually put my feet up for a minute.

Awww OP I think you probably know you're BU a tiny bit! I get where you're coming from as my DH is similar and often decides to do so something similar. So jobs like giving internal doors a good wipe, moving furniture to hoover thoroughly, so things you may only do occasionally. He then basks in the glory of the "glaringly obviously cleaner by comparison " job whilst I crack on with keeping on top of the everyday stuff, grumbling under my breath in a passive aggressive style .

Regarding keeping the kitchen sink clean can I ask have you lots of clutter around it? I often find it's when areas like that don't get dried properly or draining racks aren't wiped underneath it quickly gets manky. Do it last thing everyday when all your other kitchen bits are done and you'll get back in top of it in no time.

I don't know what your problem is, it's good that your husband was washing up and cleaning the sink surely?

It is hard work being a SAHM, if you are conscientious about housework. Far easier to get a decent part time job and pay someone to come in and clean for a couple of hours a week, send ironing to an ironing shop. Plus you'd have your own money, meet people and be more fulfilled.