AIBU - What would you have done?

[TheQueensCorgi]

Name changed. Meeting at work (large company, very big on rights for all) and at the end we shook hands with others. I was the only woman in the room and when I got to a man (not white), I put out my hand and he said ‘Sorry I don’t shake hands with women’, and walked off.

I kind of stood there not really knowing what to do next, a few of the men who had overheard still in the room said he never shakes hands for religious reasons.

What would you have done? Would you brush this off? I felt like a second class citizen and quite embarrassed. Should I just be accepting of the fact this was his view or do I have the right to be annoyed ?

@mamimogo "many Muslim women also refuse to shake hands with non related men"
This is only true of non-Muslim men not related to them.
I couldn't imagine any other person getting away with this.

@yikasha Muslim women who don't shake hands with men do not shake hands why ANY men, Muslim or not.

@mamimogo apologies, I read "Muslim men" as many Muslim men wont shake hands with any men other than non-Muslims. Especially older men.

Yes, but many of us posting are discussing our feelings of being rejected and treated differently by Muslim businessmen; I've not heard of any men posting to say they felt insulted by their dealings with Muslim businesswomen but this would be an interesting viewpoint.

Women have fought hard to be treated equally to men for centuries. Most religions are appallingly sexist: this is often because of how men choose to interpret religious teachings and does not represent the views of the founder.

I am surprised that many posters on mumsnet, a forum which promotes women's rights so articulately, are insisting that outdated interpretations of religion are a justification for subjugating women.

I'm talking specifically about men using their religion as a reason to be more brazen with their misogyny

@yiskasha you were insinuating that all Muslim men do this. As I said before, there are white men, atheist men, Asian men, Christian men, agnostic men who can be mysoginistic and use whichever ideology they support to perpetuate their behavior. It is not limited to Muslim men and where Muslim men are misogynistic it is more often than not due to pre Islamic ignorant cultural practices that are deeply imbedded and not owing to Islam. If you are offended by Muslim men not shaking hands with women you should equally be offended with Muslim women not shaking hands with men and the fact that it is a two fold shows that it's not misogynistic for obvious reasons.

So now the story is
I'm sure your BIL is a nice man. I'm talking specifically about men using their religion as a reason to be more brazen with their misogyny.

every man I've met who is also Muslim hold sexist views,

So which is it? In the world according to @yiskasha is it some Muslims or all Muslims who are sexist misogynistic and rude, or is it THIS Muslim? Is it the practice or the individual?

Why are people defending his shorty behaviour?
'religion' is no excuse.
Absolutely non.
The company should be saying we do not accept discrimination on the grounds of sex.
Those stating some Muslim women don't shake hands with men, oh come on . It's not the same!
High flying businesses are not dominated by women!
Women are the minority- fact so it will never be the same.
Let's here from all the hundreds of thousands of men who are the solitary make figure in the boardroom who have been shunned in this way by a woman shaking everyone else's hand and then publicly shunning them.
Come on now don't all rush at once.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis ... did I state I'd met EVERY Muslim man in the world? No, I said the Muslim men I've met.

@mamimogo I am offended at everyone using their religion to be rude. I've stayed many times I'm against organised religion. However it's much more common for men to use theirs in order to be disrespectful to women (both of their religion and not).

@Eustasiavye I for one am not defending the mans behavior but I do believe people have the right to avoid shaking hands with opposite sex if their religion stipulates that they are not allowed to. They should of course do so in a respectful manner. As far as women refusing handshakes not being the same, there are several women who have lost their jobs because they turned down handshakes and preferred to put hand over heart and bow, their male colleagues were deeply offended and felt discriminated against. I think that people should be more understanding to religions and lifestyles of those around them, even if they happen to be minorities. Muslims are much more a minority than women are. That's just my opinion.

That's fine @yikasha and your entitled to feel however you want to feel. We all are.

No you didn’t state that @yikasha what I was trying to highlight is that your attitude is coloured by your experience. Mine is coloured by my own as is every posters. You seem to feel your experience is more definitive and somehow trumps every other.

My experience of Muslim men is very different. We don’t however know this man is Muslim. He may be a fundamental Christian or an Orthodox Jew or from any number of religious/cultural backgrounds. I think most people agree with OP (since she was there) that he was abrupt and rude. The disagreement really hinges on IF it’s ok to refuse to touch someone in the workplace.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis we know this man is Muslim as OP confirmed he was. And you did accuse me of saying ALL Muslim men were sexist, whereas I in fact stated the Muslim men I'd met were. And I haven't met all of the Muslim men around the world.

I didn’t accuse you of anything. I asked you to clarify because you DID say every man I've met who is also Muslim hold sexist views, you seemed to want to generalise from that position as you have been at pains to highlight your assumed superior experience of all things Muslim.
I think anything this Muslim man had done to exercise his religion would have brought this response from you. I think your problem is with the whole religion and you stereotype all Muslims.

I refuse to shake hands with men because most of them are incapable of washing their hands after wiping their arse.

YANBU but if he doesn’t shake hands with women for religious reasons then there’s not much you can do apart from not taking it personally.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis well, considering I have been raised in the Islamic faith, and spend everyday of my life around Muslims it's safe to say I know about being Muslim and life as a Muslim woman. So I guess I have a superior knowledge of this than you. I'm critical of all organised religion, and all aspects of religion that affect people negatively.

Yup, that would be a guess. You sound very young and reactionary. For example what evidence do you have that I'm against organised religion. However it's much more common for men to use theirs in order to be disrespectful to women (both of their religion and not).? I think the sweeping statements and personal attacks detract from your position. I’m very happy for you to hold your views about Muslim men, I just disagree and think you are wrong. I think we’ve probably reached the end of any productive interaction. For me “I know best because of my background is fairly limited.

I understand how you feel. I was interviewed and the interviewee declined to shake my hand as I walked into room. I accepted why but if I'm honest I was still slightly miffed as it threw me, and my focus