AIBU - What would you have done?

[TheQueensCorgi]

Name changed. Meeting at work (large company, very big on rights for all) and at the end we shook hands with others. I was the only woman in the room and when I got to a man (not white), I put out my hand and he said ‘Sorry I don’t shake hands with women’, and walked off.

I kind of stood there not really knowing what to do next, a few of the men who had overheard still in the room said he never shakes hands for religious reasons.

What would you have done? Would you brush this off? I felt like a second class citizen and quite embarrassed. Should I just be accepting of the fact this was his view or do I have the right to be annoyed ?

www.pinterest.com/pin/508062401701835116/

Women in Tehran (old Iran) modelling shorts, tight clothing and visible skin. I can post others if anyone would like. I have some from Baghdad too

One in Tehran in 2019, one in Iraq in the 70s

@Isthisafreename
You are pointing out the extent of Islamophobia on the post. How can posters be Islamophobic if nobody knows what region the man was?

*what religion

@LadyinParis
Why do you keep saying you’re not going to engage in any more exchanges with Lifeover but then keep engaging?🤔

@mamimogo
he may have been the only Muslim in the meeting

How do we know he was Muslim?

@Ilovemypantry Im not, im just putting up links for other people to see. I thought maybe she was right where Baghdad was concerned, but a friend sent me those: and so if I can think you can't dress that way because someone said it, others might too. So I put it up just to correct that. Incase others were interested. I was interested, that's why I asked my friend about it and got the exact opposite info about clothing there in regard to women. It wasn't aimed at her otherwise I would have tagged her. I'm not shy. I understand why you asked that though. I am still interested in this thread so I will still post, I'm just not engaging in veiled insults. It's not of any worth to the thread and I shouldn't have gotten drawn in in the first place so that's on me. I'm sorry I derailed

That’s a lovely picture of students in Baghdad.

@Ilovemypantry - You are pointing out the extent of Islamophobia on the post. How can posters be Islamophobic if nobody knows what region the man was?

No I'm not. I've agreed that there are a small number of islamaphobic posts but have stated the majority of posters are simply criticising the man's rudeness and disrespect.

no one knows I am a practicing Christian, it has no place in my work space.

Agree completely. I don't support the rights of people to follow their religous beliefs if, by doing so, they discriminate against others in the workplace. And, in my opinion, that is what happened here. I agree that it wasn't 'personal' but, then again, discrimination rarely is.

I follow one of the major religions. My workplace is secular: I don't take my faith to work.

I think that he should either have shaken everybody's hand. Or nobody's.

I think I (and anyone else) should reserve the right to refuse to touch anyone that I don't want to touch, regardless of reason.

This. He doesn't consent to mutual touching like shaking hands. Women should also take consent seriously.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis I have to confess my lack of knowledge of geography here I know it is in Iraq, but can't say whether it is Bagdad specifically regardless, it is so lovely. I adore it, and also adore the knowledge that women are much more free than they are reported to be, and as I initially thought also. That's why I wanted to share those pics because I find it so refreshing when compared to the usual reports and opinions of women's rights in certain cultures. I was shocked and pleased. At least in terms of education and clothing anyway. Things are changing everywhere, and I welcome it. I love other cultures, I think we all have so much we could learn from each other if only we could be more open and understanding. (By we I'm not pointing to anyone in particular. I mean we in general!) I love both pictures.

@cranstonmanor It was me who said that, you put it in a much better way than I did so thank you for explaining exactly what I meant by that! I think I came across harsh when I was trying to make your point!

Pre war Iraq had an admirable education system free, and open to both sexes. Covering your hair/face was not the norm unless you came from very rural areas or were older. That’s how it was described to me anyway. I don’t think it fits the narrative though so we never hear about it now.

You're not unreasonable to be offended. The man is unreasonable for being sexist. How embarrassing that a part of his religion means he can't show respect to women.

How embarrassing that a part of his religion means he can't show respect to women.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Spot on. Again haha. It's sad. I'm going to Tunisia with my fiance and the things I thought about it culturally is so incredibly different to what the place is actually like. The things I thought were frankly embarassing, in terms of how way off the mark I was! They have pubs there, I still struggle to believe that haha but despite being predominantly Muslim, at least where we are going, they do have them. With beer! That's the least embarassing example. I won't tell the rest

Goodness people really are horrid aren’t they?

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis care to say something?
I'm ex-Muslima and left because of the inherent sexism.
There's no place for religion in the workplace, less of a place if it means you can't show basic respect to people of the opposite sex.

This sums up the unpleasant, sexist views towards women in this religion. It should not be allowed in the workplace.

How do we know he was Muslim?

@ilovevemypantry he was, according to OP, "not white", and didn't shake hands for religious reasons.

"This sums up the unpleasant, sexist views towards women in this religion. It should not be allowed in the workplace."

Another one for your viewing pleasure @Isthisafreename

@Yikasha
@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis care to say something?
I’ve said quite a lot on this thread. What is it you’re looking for me to say??

Hello, reporting back, sorry for the delay.

Spoke to colleague who spoke to man who I felt was rude. He advised that as a Muslim man he does not shake hands with women and he would expect his religion to be respected. He was told that I also had the right to be respected as a woman and if he cannot shake hands with me, he should decline all offers to shake hands. He agreed to do so but under some duress as could not see the issue or why I was offended.

I am not going to take this any further, at the end of the day I know that his right to religious respect will always trump my right to respect based on my sex.

I will be Civil within work as I am an adult but I do still feel quite annoyed and on the basis of the poll I feel many of you agree.

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis you quoted me and left an emoji without further comment. So if you're quoting me to either agree or disagree, maybe use words instead of emojis? Otherwise how is someone supposed to know why you're quoting them?

"I am not going to take this any further, at the end of the day I know that his right to religious respect will always trump my right to respect based on my sex."

So sad that this is the world we live in.