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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD hasn't come home - AIBU?

373 replies

Ineedhelptocope · 30/06/2019 03:13

DD went to London on train to attend an event with some people I dont know/have never met. She doesnt know them very well either. She is 20. I have very few house rules/expectations from her but one that is very important for me and agreed as a family is to have the courtesy to let someone know if anyone is not coming home so we are not worrying. She bloody knows this. I have sent her a text and just tried to call but getting no response. She has done this before and swore blind she wouldn't do it again. Even I let my DH know if I am going to stay at a friends and ditto him. I get she is an adult but while she lives here under my roof she knows it is a basic expectation. She can do want the hell she wants when she leaves home. I am so fucking mad at her right now. Am I asking to much of her? I genuinely dont know anymore.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 30/06/2019 05:32

@Brandyb, its not even remotely unreasonable to let someone know you aren't coming home, whatever your age, whomever you live with. its basic safety/manners.

Original poster
Ineedhelptocope · 30/06/2019 05:35

I did consider the fact her phone was lost but it doesn't explain where on earth she could be at 5.40am. She is supposed to be in work at 8am. She has very little money and she doesnt know anyone in London

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedhelptocope · 30/06/2019 05:40

Oh fuck it...... There's nothing I can do really. I just feel like telling her to find somewhere else to live but she only works part time and is off to uni in September. She was genuinely worried at the prospect of me telling her she could go and stay with my mum [she would HATE that] after the last blow up and said it would absolutely not happen again

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 30/06/2019 05:47

Can't believe people are saying you should relax.

I can remember worrying about my parents and brother not being home when expected when I was about 17.

I hope she has returned home safe and sound.

greenfrontdoor · 30/06/2019 05:48

I think you should call the police. I'm sorry.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 30/06/2019 05:53

She’s got work at 8? Ahhh is she serious about it ie never misses it and doesn’t call in sick?

Because my circle of friends when teens would also turn up to work despite our drinking... so unless she can achieve it via the 0600 train back then I’d probably be much more worried. I’d probably call the police now too tbh and drive the route.

HiItsClemFandango · 30/06/2019 05:56

What time is the first train back this morning?

Rather than being really angry I'd be extremely worried OP if her phone never leaves her hand but she isn't answering, her event finished at 9pm and she starts work in 2 hours

I'd be ringing the police.

Tuktuktaker · 30/06/2019 05:56

I also hope she has already returned home safe and sound. If not, I would have called the police by now. Certainly would if she doesn't return on the milk train this morning.

Apolloanddaphne · 30/06/2019 05:57

My DD is 21 and I know I would be worried too. I don't worry when she is away at uni but I do if she is supposed to be coming home. It's even more worrying that she knows she has work. Has she got previous form for not turning up at work?

newmomof1 · 30/06/2019 06:03

I hope she's ok OP, and I hope you're ok.

YADNBU. Try and get some sleep xx

username6778 · 30/06/2019 06:05

I'd also be more worried than angry at this point. It would turn to anger when she got home and I knew she was safe and sound. Hope she arrives home soon. Has she got form OP? If she doesn't answer you I would ring her work to make sure she turned in. If not I would ring the police.

Paddy1234 · 30/06/2019 06:09

💐💐
Hand hold

Original poster
Ineedhelptocope · 30/06/2019 06:11

Still not home. She never misses work although now that I think about it she may eithet be starting a bit later today or not down to do a shift.... I just can't remember. I seem to recall her mentioning she was. She finished early yesterday to go to London So may need to make time up

OP posts:
greenfrontdoor · 30/06/2019 06:15

Is the phone still ringing out? What type of phone? Do you have access to her laptop - iPhone you could try to track her via iCloud before it runs out of battery

greenfrontdoor · 30/06/2019 06:16

Also - who is she with? How does she know them? Can you get hold of them?

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 30/06/2019 06:17

How worrying for you OP. Dd also 20 occasionally forgets to message if staying out so I insisted on find my friend - that way I know where she is.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/06/2019 06:18

Some of the answers here are mental

OP YADNBU it sounds like you've had no rest & are up the walls - understandably. At this point I would be worried, I really hope you hear from her soon / she's home.

After that, you're fully entitled to be really cross with her. But I hope she's home soon, that's the main thing 💐

Original poster
Ineedhelptocope · 30/06/2019 06:21

She has an iPhone 6 or 7. Can't remember. I don't know these people so can't contact them. I think she met one of them recently on a night out so has gone with him and some of his friends. She is a very trusting person and takes people at face value.

OP posts:
gettingtherequickly · 30/06/2019 06:21

I don't blame you in the slightest for being worried, I hope she's home soon.

LemonadePockets · 30/06/2019 06:22

Morning,

You must be shattered. I hope she turns up soon, hungover with a lost phone.

We had the same rule, we just always had to let someone know where we were at and when we would be home.

I’m sure she’s safe. Keep us updated OP

Purpleartichoke · 30/06/2019 06:24

When I lived with them as a late teen and young adult, My parents would do me the courtesy of letting me know if they were going to be out late or not come home. It’s what you do when you live with family.

BlackCatSleeping · 30/06/2019 06:25

I think you should call the police. I'm sorry.

I really can't see the police being interested.

Try and get some sleep OP. She is more than certainly absolutely fine. If something had happened to her then she would have been in contact.

Getting upset doesn't help anyone.

greenfrontdoor · 30/06/2019 06:29

Are you connected on Facebook? Try looking for her recently added friends:

www.howtodofor.com/how-to-see-recently-added-friends-of-a-friend/

If you have access to her laptop, go to iCloud.com, if her password is saved you can open Find my phone which will show her location

yearinyearout · 30/06/2019 06:31

When you say it's a male she met recently...is it possible they are seeing each other and are holed up in an hotel? Maybe he had somewhere booked and she went back with him intending to leave in time to get the train, but had a few drinks/fell asleep?

Belle89 · 30/06/2019 06:32

Can you contact anyone she may have gone out with via social media?

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