... to hate “no sibling” parties when they’re whole year group parties?

[Octonautsoctopod]

I sort of know I am BU. But with 30 kids in the class, it’s pretty tricky to figure out what to do with DD2 when DD1 has one of her many birthday parties (DH works on Saturdays).

And also - even if DH and I could split up the task on the weekend, I feel a bit bad for DD2 who never gets any parties as she’s only 3 and DD1 who gets around 20 a year as she’s 6!

They wind anyone else up?

I’m prob being v unreasonable

It's normal round here to bring siblings, everyones understanding that people can't come if they can't. It helps that parties are usually in working mens clubs or cillage halls! But even the softplay ones are open to siblings.

I always ‘dropped and went’ for kids parties. My children go on the school bus so I didn’t know any of the parents staying anyway so would have felt uncomfortable hanging about.

I’ve never hosted a party - I have four children so couldn’t have afforded it four times a year. They just had a couple friends over and as they got older a sleep over with a friend.

YABU, I never had my parents or mum stay at a party and would be mighty peeved if my little sister came along too.

Agree with PP - you will have to tell DD that she either copes with being at the party without you, or she cannot attend.

I would work on building dd's friends up, you might then be able to ask one of them to keep an eye on dd. Even better if they have a dc a similar age to dd2 - one goes to the party with the older one and the other to the park with the younger two

This is exactly why I and all my friends did. Sorted.

And for single parents most of them did parties in organised places like the rest of us so staff ran the parties, or enlisted a couple of parent friends to help out. Or had small parties. I think it's how everyone juggled it to be honest, not just single parents

You'll always be known as "that" parent who always brings a sibling when explicitly told not to.

Leave her with another parent looking after her. Promise to reciprocate and view it as a business arrangement with another parent. She'll have to get used to it or choose not to go. You can't keep being " that" parent.

We have had this this year (Reception so 5th parties). Then I think it's ok to bring siblings, if asked first. Next year when they're 6 I will be telling DS that it's his choice to be dropped, or not go.

RetroFair - actually a trampolining place would work better - you say on the invite that due to limited numbers, you aren't able to accommodate siblings in the official party, if anyone says anything, you tell them unfortunately you've booked a party with a max 30 places, but if they want to book their other children into jumping at the same time, that's fine. Oh and they wont be able to come into the party area for a meal, but they serve food at the normal cafe.

It basically means they have to pay for their extra kids themselves.

Am I the only one who is not comfortable with the drop of culture? One or two parents hosting the party cannot be safely responsible for 30 kids aged 6.

You invite the number or people you can arrange enough adults to safely supervise. Some people are lucky enough to have fit, healthy and willing grandparents, or Aunts / Uncles who will help, other people ask some of the dc's friend's parents, others ask their own friends. You then arrange the party (what activities you do and how many you invite) according to how many you feel you can confidently and safely look after.

My parents used to combine the two - they’d drop off me with my younger sister! Might explain why I wasn’t invited to many parties.

Depends on the party. If its a hall or something then can't see the issue as long as you're not expecting food / party bag etc. I was never bothered if people brought siblings. What are they supposed to do with them otherwise. Not all 6 year are ready to be left. My oldest would have struggled with that and wouldn't have wanted to go. My youngest would have been fine.

What I don't get is what suddenly happened that meant primary school children couldn't be left at parties without a parent.

I think if you rsvp saying 6yo would love to come but you will have to drop her off and pick her up at the end, is birthday mum ok with that she would say yes!

I had a whole class part when dd was in reception and every parent apart from 1 left and I had 30x reception class kids in the village hall. I'd got my mum and sister roped in to help so along with dh we managed.

Could you imagine if half the class brought their siblings, an extra one, two or three- some have large families. Suddenly a part of 30, can easily become a party of 60. Can you imagine eight 11 year olds, nine years etc, at a 6 year olds party? You don’t see the problem with that? 🤦‍♀️ Of really haven’t thought it through.

I just hosted a party, price per head. I expected 14 children. 2 parents turned up with siblings that I didn't even know they had!! (School parents, not friends)

It made the whole thing even more stressful and ended up costing more, as well as there not being enough seats. The parents didn't even tell / ask me about siblings but I obviously hadn't factored them into the party.

You already know YABU though!

The vast majority of parties by 5 or 6 are drop off.

The question you need to ask the host is not 'can I bring DD2?' but 'You'll be OK if I drop DD1 off?'.

You don't stay with her at school, so she doesn't need you with her at a party with huge numbers of her class mates. Make an arrangement to help take another child to the party so they both go in together.

I’ve only ever included the child invited by my DT’s. As I’ve twins when they were young, parties were joint. The numbers would have been a nightmare if I’d included siblings, the majority of which weren’t the same age as DT’s and not in their friendship groups.

I was going to say yabu

But saw update and if

They expect you to stay
But say no siblings
So are expecting you to find childcare

Then yanbu and they are being u

Not sure why not drop and run age 6 though. Still if that's what they're doing then it would be hard to be the only one leaving their kid I think.

Weird set up all round.

I dropped and ran when dd started school at 4! (I knew she wouldn't mind).

Around here there's no need to say no siblings as no one would ever bring a sibling

But then no one would stay at a 6yo party either

To me just because it says no siblings doesn't mean you can't take them. They just can't eat the food etc or if it's a soft play type place you need to pay for them

You are BU but I can kind of see your point when there is no childcare option available for DD2.

To me just because it says no siblings doesn't mean you can't take them. They just can't eat the food etc or if it's a soft play type place you need to pay for them

Not necessarily. We stated no siblings and meant it. We hired the soft play exclusively so only the child invited was on the list the venue had. Siblings wouldn’t have been able to stay regardless.