... to hate “no sibling” parties when they’re whole year group parties?

[Octonautsoctopod]

I sort of know I am BU. But with 30 kids in the class, it’s pretty tricky to figure out what to do with DD2 when DD1 has one of her many birthday parties (DH works on Saturdays).

And also - even if DH and I could split up the task on the weekend, I feel a bit bad for DD2 who never gets any parties as she’s only 3 and DD1 who gets around 20 a year as she’s 6!

They wind anyone else up?

I’m prob being v unreasonable

Yabu. Parenting is full of little annoyances that we have to just suck up. Around here siblings are 100% not included, parties are per head, anything from 15 to 20 pounds, there is no way you could make it a free for all. And anyway why should a 6 year old have lots of kids that she doesn't even know at her party, some of them much younger. The party is for the birthday child and isn't organized to provide you with childcare. Ridiculous. If you can't stay with sibling drop and go.

And THIS is why the "it's selfish to have one child" threads are so silly.

I would say it's more selfish to impose siblings on other parents and children. Why is the fact that you decided to have more than one child a problem for other people to help you solve??

I'd ask about dropping. if they are no sibling I'm sure they'd be fine to look after just her rather than miss the party.

We had parents, who left their dd when she was 3 once - the youngest of several. So not only was I catering for a bunch of 3 yos, their parents, organising games and making sure dd had candles, song cake etc but also babysitting another child.

6 is ok to leave your dd. As I said, ask another parent to be the go to person.

So you'll ask if dd2 can tag along but you won't ask if they mind you not staying Weird priorities.

Don't feel bad for your three year old. Six year olds go to loads of parties but less at 9, so you will have the opposite situation, after a while. It all works out in the long run.

I wouldn’t invite siblings to an all class party. I can’t afford to pay for an extra 30 or 40 siblings of my ds classmates and nor would I expect any of my other 2 kids to be invited to these parties.

Seriously? Dear oh dear!

I think it's such cheeky fuckery to bring siblings along!

The person hosting has carefully taken into account the numbers and carefully gone through the guestlist with the child and told them how many children to invite, while considering things like space in your home and maximum capacity for things like soft play and halls, etc.

Bit out of order to then have all these randoms turn up! Helping themselves to food and party bags and cake and taking up space that wasn't accounted for.

Very much frowned upon at my children's schools and most don't do it.

What - no dropping off and running? We just had DS 6th birthday party and had 25 kids and all their parents left! From our perspective siblings would've been hell - it is bad enough keep tabs on all the kids that are meant to be there, and the activity we did was geared at older kids and we were restricted numbers because of the size of the venue, health and safety nightmare, cost of extra food / party bags ... the list goes on. Understand your problem but yabu

Say to party host "I have no childcare for ds2 so is it ok for me to drop off dd1 and collect her at end, will have phone handy if needed for any reason"

Then be the first to leave your kid and the hero to all the parents wanting to drop off too.

Ok ok I concede! I’m going to hide now

(To explain: though drop-offs aren’t a thing yet, DD2 is painfully shy and wouldn’t let me anyway. Nor would she stay with another parent. And these parties are all the same: an entertainer, a buffet. Of course, I wouldn’t bringDD2 along to a party that is priced per kid and don’t ever take without checking and always try and find childcare first. I am keen for DD1 to go because we moved locally this year and she’s struggling to make friends. I’m not usually the only one with a stray sibling at the parties. And DD2 doesn’t eat the food, have a party bag, etc. Anyway, like I said - I suspected I might be being unreasonable but I see that it’s unanimous! )

What is a no sibling party? Is it not just a party? As nobody would bring an uninvited child to a party. That would be rude and out of order.

Yabu for many reasons:

Siblings aren't a package deal and need to dotmhunhs separately

If you can't organise childcare then why should the party organiser payout for a space for your child. Drop and go home.

The party is for the birthday child and their friends. If the siblings were also friends they'd be invited.

Drop her off. Leave a phone number with the party parent if they don’t already have it. I don’t think you have a choice here, it’s either that or don’t go. I’m surprised tbh, parents only stayed at the reception class parties here, by year 1 it was definitely drop and run!

It gets worse btw. Dd9 is now the spare wheel while ds6 goes to all the parties, and it’s costing me a fortune in shopping as most of the parties seem to be near a big shopping centre so I take dd off for a couple of hours. There’s always something.

I feel a bit bad for DD2 who never gets any parties as she’s only 3 and DD1 who gets around 20 a year as she’s 6!

How is that anyone else’s problem? Her time will come.

YABVVU don’t be so ridiculous.

Ridiculous post - I would have thought whole year parties (OMG who would ever want to host one of the those????) would absolutely not be the moment to include siblings- imagine if every child brought a plus one or more. I can also see why it is difficult for all parents to just drop and run with those kind of numbers involved. I mean you’d need a minimum number of adults for a school trip involving the whole year so for two parents to instigate the crowd control required on their own might be a tall order. A tiny gathering with a select few friends might be able to accommodate the odd sibling - especially if others at the party knew and liked that sibling - but then it’s less crucial for parents to hang around in those circumstances. I think you need to start a trend for more intimate select gatherings - otherwise every party bećomes just like another school day.

OP, I think you need to say to your older daughter that if she wants to go to the party she's going to have to go without you being there - it's no different to being dropped at school or a club. Does she have a friend or two who's mum she knows reasonably well who will 'watch' her for you if she needs anything?

If you can start doing a 'drop and run' rota where you take it turns to be the parent soon the kids will get used to it and expect it.

there's no such thing as 'no sibling party'. All parties are only for invitees, so please don't take other people unless they are actually invited and the host has specified that siblings are welcome.
(DS's birthday today and one of his classmate showed up with 4 siblings we had never even met before...)

Glad you realise YABVU.

Arrange for another mum to take if you can’t.

Ds is 7.5 almost finished year 2
No one here drops and runs still

It’s not clear what the position is with drop-offs - you just say they’re not much of a thing in your area, rather than that they’ve actively requested that parents stay. I’d be quite surprised if they were expecting 30 parents to stay, especially with 6 year olds. Anyway, I think it’s up to you to clarify the position and explain to your DD that she either goes without you or doesn’t go.

But if they are expecting parents to stay then I think that’s unreasonable. If you’re going to throw a party for 30 children, and you’re not going to pay for a venue where there’s adequate adult supervision so you need parents to stay, then you surely accept that some parents will have unavoidable childcare responsibilities for siblings.

I think the location and school type might be relevant here.

My school’s parents still don’t drop and go at Y3, plus little siblings always come along. Sometimes they ask first, sometimes they don’t. The only time it’s narrowed down and/or parents drop off is if it’s a specific paid activity. We tend to get a lot of parties in big church halls, park spaces, or one of quite a few adventure playgrounds. I guess in these circumstances there’s enough space but food and drink are a consideration, but yeah everyone stays pretty much.

YABU - the parents are already having to cater and pay for a party for 30 kids. Making it possibly 60 kids would increase the costs so much! And the party child wouldn't know any of the siblings so why would they want them at their party?

Your DD doesnt have to accept every birthday invitation, just say no sometimes.