... to hate “no sibling” parties when they’re whole year group parties?

[Octonautsoctopod]

I sort of know I am BU. But with 30 kids in the class, it’s pretty tricky to figure out what to do with DD2 when DD1 has one of her many birthday parties (DH works on Saturdays).

And also - even if DH and I could split up the task on the weekend, I feel a bit bad for DD2 who never gets any parties as she’s only 3 and DD1 who gets around 20 a year as she’s 6!

They wind anyone else up?

I’m prob being v unreasonable

YABVU, this is why people have to specify no siblings. It’s rude to take along uninvited guests and can spoil the dynamics for the birthday child.

Don’t attend if you don’t want to leave the child at the party.

When is your DDs birthday? You could host the first "drop-off" or
"all siblings welcome" party.

If your dd is 6, then she must have been in school every day, with these children for at least 2 years (potentially 3). I find it difficult to believe she wouldn't stay with exactly the same children at a party if she wants to go to the party. If she doesn't want to go, then it isn't an issue.

YABU to expect hosts to have potentially twice as many people there as they have invited.
YABVVVU to continue to ask the host after they have explicitly stated no siblings.
Just take her, leave your contact details with the hosts and tell her you'll pick her up at the end.

What do people mean when they ask what they’re supposed to do when they have multiple kids and no childcare? This is one of the things to consider when planning to conceive the multiple kids, along with like, who’ll look after them when they’re frequently ill, who’ll provide childcare in the school holidays, can you afford the £240,000 it will cost to raise one till they’re 18, consider their future in the hellscape that will be this planet in 10/20/30 years, etc.

It's always interesting to see a CF start a thread and try to justify their cheeky fuckery. When I was younger, it was never an issue of siblings coming to parties because parents had common sense and manners and would never have tried to bring uninvited children to parties.

Now people like you are so wrapped up in your own needs that you are incapable of seeing how tacky and cringey this sort of behaviour really is OP.

To summarise, YABVU.

Mine are same age and a fair few offer siblings to come.

If not I'm lucky I have DH to cover me.

If I didn't I think it would depend on the venue. If they had stuff nearby DD2 could do I'd take her there during party.

I don't begrudge the hostess though as my situation isn't their problem. It would be manic if every sibling came to every party as all but 2 I think of DD1s class has 1 or 2 siblings.

I'd not worry about DD2 not getting to go to parties. In a few years she'll be at all the parties and DD1 will only go to a few as they'll be cinema/theme park trips where only a few close friends come each time.

I do understand it's frustrating though.

feel so embarrassed asking the parent if I can bring DD2 because I have no childcare for her

So you should-don’t ask! If you don’t have childcare for DD2 then don’t accept the invitation. Your child care issues aren’t the hosts responsibility and you could find that, once class parties are no longer the standard, that Dd1 just doesn’t get asked anymore because you always ask to bring DD2.

Sorry but YABU. DD2 will have her own invites in time, are you going to then ask if DD1 can also go because you don’t have childcare for her?

My husband works weekends too - I just say is it ok to leave her as I have no childcare for her sister. If she won't stay without you, then decline and say that she's not able to come for that reason and you have her sibling too. Some will offer for them both to come but you're not then asking.

Sometimes we've welcomed siblings and sometimes not. Depends on the sort of party.

Sorry, haven't read all of the replies, but you said you're not the only one in this situation, so trade with another parent so that they look after your DD for parties you don't have childcare for and on occasions you do have childcare you can return the favour for those that don't. Once parents from a class get to know each other they're generally happy to watch another child for the duration of the party.

Femodene

Some people have twins triplets and quads - these aren’t exactly planned for!

Mine were in different classes and we managed to drop and run on many occasions - no one felt left out

Where is your DH in all this, can’t he take DD1 or stay with DD2?

I made the mistake once of not clarifying no siblings on a whole class party. 34 became 51. Plus family kids.

I had to send my BIL for pizzas as there wasn’t enough food. Games were much more difficult. Never again. I’m always very clear now - you can drop and go, but no siblings.

Yabu. Mist kids in my dc class have two siblings - that would be 90 kids

4 extra univiyed siblings arrived 😱. Wow that’s unreal the poor child who was originally invited to the party will not be invited to other parties in the future due to this most likely.

Am I the only one who is not comfortable with the drop of culture? One or two parents hosting the party cannot be safely responsible for 30 kids aged 6. Heaven forbid a fire broke out in a hall they have no chance of getting all the kids out safely.

As for someone dropping off a 3 year old at a party and running that’s bang out of order and I would not be allowing a child that age to be left without a parent.

and feel so embarrassed asking the parent if I can bring DD2 because I have no childcare for her!

Well being embarrassed is the least you could do. What an utter cheeky fucker you are being. Honestly, they’ve put it on the invite!

Drop DD1. 6 is more than old enough. And stop being so precious with the DD2 is missing out crap. She’ll get her chance as you well know. She’s not these people’s problem.

When DC1 was in year 1, they had 3 younger siblings who weren’t in school.
YABU - what did you do when hosting your DD’s party?

Noone drops and runs at my kids school yet. The parties are usually things like church halls and entertainers or discos etc. The parents just stay by the teas and coffees while the kids play.

All the people who say drop and go, are the parties in your houses? There are a few kids in my ds's class who would definitely take themselves off to explore the nearby parks or building. How do you keep an eye on 30 kids who can easily walk out plus run a party?

I hadn't realised I was an overprotective parent until now

Oh and people bring siblinhd but they don't join in the games or eat. Usually have their own toys and a packed lunch.

People who say they drop their child off and leave them age 6+.....just out of interest but is this at all kinds of parties including soft play etc, or just at ones at village halls and people's homes?
My eldest is nearly 9 and even at that age all parents stay unless it's at someone's house. I'm taking my 5 year old to a soft play party today but again all parents stay.

The no dropping is really weird. If its the norm at DDs school that will suck, I've no desire to hang around dozens of children's birthday parties as an adult.

You stay for a 9 year old’s party??? My 7 year old would be pretty embarrassed if I hung around. He and his mates (male and female) can be trusted not to run away. Parties in big halls, climbing party, one party at a farm, art and craft party and trampoline party- just off the top of my head.

It’s very rude asking a host if you can bring dd2. Imagine if everyone attending the party did that? This sort of thing boils my blood.

I would make sure I had phone numbers for parents dropping off. It tended to be from mid way through reception so most parents knew each other from other parties, school etc. Generally a few parents would stay still if their child was nervous or closer friends might offer to help. Beyond that teachers manage the class with just one or two TAs so no reason why a couple of parents, an aunt or friend of the family and maybe an entertainer can't manage.

Soft plays probably more parents and siblings (self funded) stayed, in our case though it was just because if one was at a party it was cheaper to take the others rather than paying for all three.

Nearly 9 and all parents stay?! I would actually have had kittens... I much prefer when people drop and go, especially if I’m hosting at home. Hosted a party for 14 5/6yr olds last month and not one parent stayed.

With no parents present I can use my teacher voice if things get out of hand .