To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

I'd be pleased she was contributing to the cost of feeding them.

Why would you be pissed off by this? I remember being STARVING all the time at this age! I could easily eat like a lunch sized meal before my dinner and my friends were all the same! It's a bit cruel of you to refuse to provide snacks and to also resent your DSs girlfriends mum for giving them some! I really don't understand your problem with this, at all. So you'll only be happy if they're sat hungry and miserable in his room? If they eat the dinner you've cooked them what's the issue? Genuinely baffled 🤔 You don't want to provide food when they're hungry so they aren't allowed to eat when they're hungry... YABVU! And that snack box sounds great!

My 14 year old DS would be unbearable if he didn’t eat when he got home from school. He’s usually starving and needs a snack so he can concentrate on homework etc. I suppose it depends what time you eat your evening meal though.

My teens really need to eat when they get back from school, I think you are being unreasonable by making them wait until dinner time.

I’d be embarrassed that they felt as though they had to sneak food in. Is there any reason why you don’t have food for them?

My teen DC would really struggle to wait till dinner! I buy them snacks all the time

I remember the days of being a starving teenager. Could happily eat a few rounds of toast, a packet of crisps and a kitkat and still be good for dinner, and I was a skinny thing!

I would be glad she was helping feed them but no need to sneak around. She can give them the food openly or you can start providing it if that would make you more comfortable.

I actually think it's a really nice thing to do. She will be well aware you are feeding her daughter at your own expense. This may be her way of repaying some of the cost. I've had similar situations when my children were younger whereby the parents of my daughter's best friend would often feed her when she was visiting. Often 2 - 3 times per week. I felt so bad that they had the extra cost and would often send my daughter with snacks and drinks and food to try and even the cost. Please don't take it personally.

If you don’t like her doing it then I suggest you start providing snacks for them yourself . I wouldn’t be upset I’d be embarrassed that my teen needed a food parcel .

I just feel like she’s interfering and like I can’t feed my own kids. Maybe I’m just fed up of being on a tight budget, I wish I could buy more but I can’t afford it.

Maybe the mum is just trying to help- just makes me feel crap

After school how long until they get to eat? I appreciate wanting kids to eat a meal but aren’t kids all ravenous after school? Why no snacks at home?

Teens eat loads. My shipping bill has gone through the roof since my elder two turned teen. It's a thing. They get hungry. As others have said in a way it's good that the gf's mum is contributing if she's there all the time!

I'd be pleased she was contributing to the cost of feeding them.

This.

Teenagers need lots of food, I know I was constantly hungry at that age. Fruit doesn’t suffice.

Yabu, she shouldn’t have to do this if you provided them some cheese on toast when they get in

I echo what pp have said, healthy teens need mucho calories, and much as we'd love it to, fruit doesn't cut it.

15 year olds need food when they get back from school! You need to provide snacks but I understand it's difficult if you can't afford it. In which case, you should feel grateful for the contributions from the mum.

What time is dinner?

You aren't the bad guy here, you are hosting them and cooking a meal for them in the evening. She isn't trying to make you feel bad, so try to put your feelings aside. Swallow your pride, thank her and let the kids pick up the food openly.

Can you not just get some cheap bread , cereal and cheese and they could snack on that .

If you can’t afford it, then you should appreciate it. You’re feeding her DD, so she’s feeding them snacks. Don’t see it as interfering. Do tell them not to sneak though.

Maybe she wants to chip in....you are regularly feeding her dd.

I think you need to get over this and now. You are in fact feeding her daughter, and you have admitted you are on a tight budget so either accept it and let the gf continue to have meals at yours, or stop giving her meals and buy snacks for your son

If they are eating that and then eating dinner when you get around to it then they are genuinely hungry and YABVU to deny them food! You eat when you're hungry yourself I'm sure. Nice thing for her mum to do. She doesn't want her daughter to be hungry

It sounds like from your recent post you’re pissed because you can’t afford snacks, and ds gf’s mum can?

Honestly, poor inadequacy is something I get. When we give small gifts and handmade stuff, so I do understand.
But, teens are starving all the time. My teenage dsis eats about three times as much as me. And my twelve year old cousin isn’t far behind.
YAbu - most kids eat after school. If you can’t provide it (although I buy m savers bread reduced to 6p on a sunday and freeze it, so it’s like 0.3p per slice of toast.) don’t begrudge someone else.

Don't take it personally, it sounds like she's trying to help! I think you might be feeling sensitive if you're worried about your finances/not being able to afford more. But surely you could buy some cheap stuff so they can make snacks when they get in? When I was that age sandwiches and toast would have filled me up and kept me quiet before dinner and bread and sandwich fillings can be bought for very cheaply. If there's already fruit then they can have that and some fruit and it shouldn't set you back too much?