To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

*If OP is on a very tight budget then for her it would be really difficult to feed an extra teenage mouth a few times a week."

There are cheap snacks that can be brought. 40-60p for a cheap multi pack of crisps at the supermarket. Crackers with butter and cheese. Cereal, toast, ice pops, yogurts.

If I offered fruit to my 15 yr old DD and her boyfriend, they’d laugh and ask where the rest of the food was!
They need food, just feed them. They will most certainly eat their meal.

I was feeling sympathetic OP, but not after your last post.

You are too self absorbed. ‘Grrrr’ to GF having a nice home and DS liking it? No, not ok.

Your son needs more to eat and to eat earlier. That’s it.

This is really not about the mother, her car or the pocket money. Get over that stuff. Of course you feel hurt, but the solution is for you to improve the food situation - not to dislike another family.

What time does he go to bed if they start eating at 9

What time does he go to bed if they start eating at 9

She starts cooking at 9. They eat later than that

Get the fuck over yourself OP.

9 o'clock?!?!?!? I couldn't wait till 9 and i'm a long past growing adult. I wouldn't want to go somewhere i wasn't getting fed till 9 without taking snacks either.

OP there's rich people in the world and your DS is going to encounter people better off financially than him plenty of times. Don't pass on a chip on his shoulder about it. You need to get over it. I mean it kindly but come on ...

And why do they have to stay so often at each other homes? For their age is it not enough one day there and one day here?

I remember my DF's daughter used to go to her BF's home quite regularly. They would feed her because apparently she was starving at home. She wasn't starving but just liked having their dinners.

Ah OP, remember when you were a teen and everyone else's house was more fun and interesting! That is normal. Don't go overboard with the attitude. Don't get your son to pass on that message about not bringing food over- not fair on him and you'll drive him away/embarrass him.

If you're not comfortable with the food being dropped off then feed them earlier. I do feel for you but you've caused this by expecting them to go without food until 9pm. Your attitude will make it worse though

You do have a problem OP it is the green eyed type. It is not the other mums fault that they are wealthy, they just are. Let the girl bring food if she wants to, they are so faddy hungry at that age. My DCs used to come into school eat, then eat with the family, then get the munchies a couple of hours later.

9pm-heavens!

I'm taking the dog for his last walk & thinking about telly for an hr & then bed!

Couldn't your son cook when he gets in?

What did he do for food/snacks before GF's mum?

Idk, I'm in my 50s & I don't really remember snacks being a thing tbh.

Fruit/yoghurt/couple of crackers on cheese were probably on offer.

That said, I did have a good lunch & the evening meal, although usually lightish was about 5.30/6.00pm

I understand you are worried about budgeting but you can switch timings around and offer cheap snacks. (my budget is tight too), it really sounds like the other mum is trying to help

The problem is all yours, op. You sound slightly unhinged over this matter.

9pm I'd be half dead with hunger eating that late, and it's not very good for your digestion.

To be honest, if my DDs were going somewhere like yours, I'd assume you didn't want to cook for them and were eating late to make a point. If you can't afford to feed the GF, you need to be honest with your DS and say it's stretching the budget too far.

OP, I think this all sounds like you have a massive chip on your shoulder. A hoodie or some aftershave is a perfectly reasonable Christmas gift for a 15yo boyfriend. It's not like they're buying him an iPad. And he's 15! Of course he's going to need something to eat after school. Since he's eating at her house several times a week, you need to take the savings you make then and provide reasonable food for them both for the times they are at yours. It doesn't have to be super-fancy. Toast and cheese or beans, bowls of cereal, or whatever.

He goes over her house for meals for most of the rest of the week.

I'm not surprised! Poor kid. If he's eating over there several nights a week then that's meals you're not providing and will surely lessen your food bill. My dd is 12. She's skinny as a rake but eats a bagel, toast and Nutella, huge bowl of cereal or 2 crumpets for breakfast. Has lunch at school then comes home and will devour a bagel or toast, crisps, yogurt and still eat all her dinner if something like veggie spaghetti bolognese or whatever I'm cooking. We eat dinner at 5pm. I'm in bed at 9. No way would I want to eat so late.
Mine all look at me in horror if I suggest fruit as a snack. I feel the same. It's mainly water and sugar and not at all filling until mealtime. They will eat plenty of fruit with a meal though.
I can't believe your poor son waits 9 hours between lunch and dinner. Although at that age I was cooking my own meals as was veggie. Can he cook? Or do you not allow him to make his own meals?

It is not your DS gfs families fault they have money any more than it is your fault you don’t.
They’re not trying to humiliate or embarrass you. They sound like they are just trying to be fair.
Don’t judge them just because they have money. That’s unfair.

If you are not well off does your son get free school meals? If they have a decent cooked meal at lunchtime maybe they could just have sandwiches after school and you needn't cook for them at all.
Or teach him to cook and provide the food?

I feel lots of posters have given good advice and you are just fixated with envy and can't see that you are not feeding your child enough.

It's blindingly obvious from your posts that you are jealous of the GF's mum, even angry at her from giving them a takeaway because it's not healthy enoughyou're aware that it's also not very healthy to make your child go without food for around 10 hours??

You would rather your child go hungry than have to deal with your insecurities. They're a bit ridiculous to be honest, you're even getting annoyed that she has a better car than you

And fwiw, I'm a single mum on benefits who often has £10 to feed us for the week so I know what that envy feels like. But I'd never starve my kids.

9pm ???!!!!

That's totally ridiculous, you can't seriously expect teens to go for 8 hours with just a piece of fruit.

I totally get the cost aspect but couldn't you plan so that you make a meal on one day that can be heated up at a normal meal time the next or ask your DS to make something. No extra work apart from a little thought.

Isn't it annoying when an OP ignores a pertinent question. Why on earth don't you start cooking till 9?

What did you do when your DS was smaller? DH and I prefer to eat later after our DC are in bed. I cook a meal and feed the DC at 6ish and reheat ours later, or they have what I’ve cooked for us the night before and kept in the fridge overnight.

Your dislike of the GF’s mum seems quite extreme, it’s not nice. And you haven’t even met her...

Your feelings of jealousy about the girlfriends parents aren't your sons problem.
He is hungry and I don't blame him for wanting to go over to the girlfriends house to eat.

You say you've always cooked late but when he was a lot younger what time did he eat at? I'm pretty sure it wasn't at 9-10pm

Anyway it's not about you and what time you want to eat at, you can eat when you like but you're forcing your 15 year old to be starving til past 9pm and denying him any snacks to keep him going.

Cook earlier if you don't want him to eat snacks and that means have the dinner ready for when he gets in from school.

If the other mum was trying to help all she needs to do is knock at the fromt door or give the food to her dd. No need for sneaking around and clandestine meets.

Anyway these kids are 15. Can’t they walk to a shop? If mine are hungry with friend round they can go fetch it themselves.

Otoh dinner at 9 is way too late. I’d have walked to the chippy by then, even if it were 2 hours away! Still be back for tea.

I normally feed at 6.30. Only because that’s then they get in. That’s as late as i’d be happy with tbh unless it’s an exception.