To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

I make flapjack to fill my two older kids up I make it with butter so no yacky hydrogenated oils and relatively cheap as it is so energy dense that a smallish piece suffices..

It's not something that would annoy me at all.

Yes I’m being unreasonable - I realise now it’s because I feel inadequate and inferior to gf’s mum. She’s probably lovely but they are a wealthy family and I see her pull up in her new Range Rover later to collect gf and I get the rage.

I don’t cook until about 9, I’ll get some crackers in and try and offer more food.

Why don’t you send them to stay at the gf’s house instead?

Crikey OP 9 is way too late for dinner for teens .

Can you send your teen to hers instead in the evening?

9pm?
No wonder they're starving.

I understand why you feel how you do OP, but 9pm is asking them to wait 7 or 8 hours from one meal to the next after a day at school. Could you bring tea forward a bit?

9 is really late - particularly if they haven't eaten since lunch, which is probably around 12.30 / 1 in school. I'd be starving then myself. Could you bring dinner forward? Let them eat around 6 or 7 and you have yours later if that's what you're used to.

Can you feel your son earlier- it’s unreasonable to expect a growing teen to go from 1/2pm- 9pm without a meal, fruit and crackers won’t be enough.

I don’t cook until about 9

So you expect them to have nothing between leaving school and eating after 9? YABU.

God 9! Mine would turn to cannibalism by 7 Get some of those instant noodles OP...they're cheap. Also, peanut butter and bread.

You dont cook until 9?! So when are the children eating, right before bed? You are massively unreasonable.

You're lucky she hasn't stopped her daughter coming round!

You dont start cooking dinner until 9?

Yabu.

9! They have nothing after school till 9,so basically nothing between lunch and bed time

So they go from the end of school until 9pm without eating?

I was sort of on your side op...until you said they don't get dinner till 9pm!! I would be bloody starving if I couldn't eat all afternoon and evening!

I just feel like she’s interfering and like I can’t feed my own kids
That's EXACTLY what she's doing!
Who the fuck does that?

She isn't helping you or being nice - she's taking the piss out of you, out of your parenting and dictating what happens under your own roof.
Her actions are encouraging sneaky behaviour in your child.

Personally, i'd tell her to stop.
Tell her it's your home and your rules - and if her kid has a problem with that then she can piss off back to her own house.
Let your son hang out at hers if he's unhappy about respecting his own mum.
Somehow i doubt the gf's parents will be happy to let that continue longterm.

Don't stand for this shit OP.
You've got fuck all to feel ashamed about so don't let the nouveau riche lord it over you in your own home - and with your own child!

Dinner is at 9
I'd be passed out by then let alone teens.
At 15 they really, really need something when they get in from school. You are being unreasonable to believe that a piece of fruit is enough to sustain a 15 year old from lunchtime until 9pm.
So can you afford bread? A few slices of toast would plug the gap. If not then I'd suggest bringing that meal forward to 5pm and if you are out at work then they are old enough to cook.

9 o’clock, jeez that’s late for them to be eating if they’ve had nothing since lunch, I’m not surprised her mum is bringing food round

9pm? No wonder they are hungry. I remember coming back from school starving. I think we had lunch at 1ish, then it seemed like a long gap. I would not have lasted until 9.

The gf's mother is trying to help as far as I can see. You're feeding her kid all the time and she feeds yours.

Your strictness around snacks is silly and serving dinner after 9pm is waaaay too late but I think the other mother's behaviour is strange too. Dropping off food parcels to her precious daughter when she's in someone else's home? Not something I would do. Why doesn't the daughter just bring the snacks with her instead of getting her mum to do the whole Lady Bountiful act?

9pm?? 9PM?? That is a ridiculous time to eat an evening meal, particularly for growing children or teens. Why on earth do you cook so late? What time does your DS go to bed if he's not eating tea until 9? That's crazy. I can't believe you expect them to last from lunch until 9 at night for their tea with just a bit of fruit.
Not surprising they're starving!

I had every sympathy, but 9pm is late to begin cooking. I'd be absolutely starving, and I'm not a teen.

Yeah, buy some cheap crackers and noodles.

Teens eat a lot, am finding that out with DS(14) who is as skinny as can be but is always hungry.

I would be grateful that gf’s DM is doing this but it would be good if it did not need to be done sneakily. Does your DS eat at the gf’s lots?

Are you for real OP - why don’t you feed them earlier?
What time does he go to bed.
From lunch time at school and the at 9pm? It’s way to long.