To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

Agree with other posters that they do need snacks or dinner earlier. I would have to have snacks if I wasn’t eating until 9pm. My son often has cereal, sandwich and fruit after school and then still eats full dinner at around 7.30pm. Part and parcel of having a teenager - they are going through massive physical changes and it makes them hungry. He is fit, slim and healthy so not overeating. If your girlfriends mum is happy to provide those snacks then leave her too it

9pm dinner is ridiculously late to feed starving teenagers! Every kid I know goes home and snacks.

why don't you cook dinner till 9pm ??? wtf that's so late to have dinner lol

I just feel like she’s interfering and like I can’t feed my own kids.

Well to be fair, your DC asked for food and you said no, so she's not far wrong.

Why are you expecting your growing teen to have no food between lunch and 9pm?

Dinner not till 9pm :0 oh dear how embarrassing. This is all ON YOU.

If that was my daughter I be giving the kids supplies too.

You need to sort out your own insecurities.

In the meantime, feed your kid more. He's a teenage boy. 9 is way too late for eating, especially if they've been at school all day.

Porridge is cheap.

I’ll get some crackers in
Crackers are the kind of thing food / diet obsessed people eat.

Growing 15 year olds need something much more substantial. It doesn't have to be expensive, just filling. Cheap sliced bread for toast, baked beans, jam for sandwiches, weetabix, mine ate all that kind of thing when they were teens. (Both extremely skinny in case that worries you).
Also if you brought the mealtime forward as I suggested up thread you would find they were starving again before bedtime.

I understand what it's like to have to feed hungry teenagers on a low budget, but 9 hours is too long to go without. I would buy things like a cheap sandwich loaf, supermarket brand baked beans, bananas, cheese spread, yoghurt, etc, and let them make something for themselves. All these things are cheap, filling and reasonably nutritious.

9pm??? Mine would be chewing my arm off if I didn't feed them until then! No wonder they're starving!!! I get dinner for around 7 - my youngest is 10 and my eldest 17 and even then I worry that's a bit late for them!

And stop with the envy. It's not helping you.

I don't see how in any way this is showing off.

She feeds him most of the weeks evening meals. They when they are at yours, you dont cook until 9pm. They will be starving.

Either she has them at hers every night, which I am sure you wouldnt like, or provides food.

Though, if I were her I would just give the food to dd on a morning.

I just... really want to know why no dinner until 9pm especially considering you are at home to say no to them wanting more food? It's just too late.

My kind ds school lunch is at 12.30, so to not eat till nine would be really hard.

Do you have issues around food OP?

So they eat dinner together every night whether in your house or hers? Seems so OTT for a pair of 15 year olds.

OP you haven't answered but do you have food issues?

Or is there a reason you dont start cooking until 9pm?

OP, if they didn't want your DS because he comes from a poor family then they wouldn't allow their DD to see him.
There will always be people who are better than you and who are worse than you when it comes to finances but envy is ugly.
If you can't make dinner before 9pm then leave the ingredients for your DS and his GF so they could make something sooner.
Children should have a good meal after school then snack and then dinner.

“It’s like they’re showing off- or again maybe that’s my own insecurities again.”

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there.

"poorer family"

I was just going to say my DD is the same in that when she goes to her BFs they don’t eat to eat after 9pm and she’s starving. Her BF is a bit odd in that he’s 15 and doesn’t eat that much, I’m always offering him food.

If I didn’t have dinner ready between 5-6pm DH would eat one of the children never mind the teens. The two teens eat more than their Dad as it is. Mine come in from school have a snack, then a big dinner then come 8.30-9pm they are looking for toast or cereal. They like toasted bagels £1 a pack for 6.

Sounds like you should take the gigantic chip off your shoulder and use it to feed your starving teenagers

I just feel like she’s interfering and like I can’t feed my own kids...I wish I could buy more but I can’t afford it

So you CANT afford to feed them then. No shame in that.

Teenagers have hollow legs and are expensive. The cost of feeding someone else’s teenager is not a cost I’d take on lightly.

accept the perfectly reasonable assistance

9pm for dinner is too late for me, never mind teens! We eat around 7.30–8pm but I've usually had a snack at about 4.30 and graze a bit more until dinner.

Why do you cook so late and would you consider cooking earlier?

Everyone has different budgets. My teens are now eating everything in sight and my shopping bill has doubled.
I think in this case just appreciate what she is doing and make it open - it is no reflection on you as a parent and they obviously like your son very much ❤️

9pm is incredibly late to start cooking , is there any particular reason for that @Pearlofthesea ?

9pm is so late to eat - it's not good for your health either to eat that late. Why don't you cook your meal for like 6pm then there's only 2 hours between school and meal.