To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

I know it's nice that she's helping out but I still think this is a very weird thing to do and I wouldn't like it. Why the secrecy? Just send DD with the stuff or knock on and hand over the bag of food. The secrecy is something a silly teenager would do.

That's very late to be eating your main meal of the day. I eat about 6pm as I feel unwell and suffer indigestion if I eat much later.
If I was the GF's mum, I'd also be sending a food parcel. If your children are telling you they're hungry when they get home from school, why are you making them wait until 9pm?

I'd do the same to be honest. I'd be mortified that you were having to feed my child and would probably be bringing you wine as well!

Aside from the food their relationship sounds a bit intense; seeing each other every night isn’t healthy. When are they getting their studying and hobbies done and what time is your son going to bed?

Totally agree, Tinkly.

Perhaps the OP is Spanish!

I'd be chewing my arm by 9pm, that's too late for dinner!

Maybe we just found out why your son might be stealing money? For food? I would.

What time to they have lunch? 12? So you make them go 9 hours without eating?! I'm not surprised she's sending stuff round.

Why the secrecy? Just send DD with the stuff or knock on and hand over the bag of food. The secrecy is something a silly teenager would do.

Agree with this too. She's making it more dramatic than it needs to be.

Can you being dinner forward (three of four hours)? Least they won't be having to get in secret food parcels to get them through the evening.

If you're working surely DS can cook it?

No I don’t have issues with food, I’ve just always eaten later.

I will ensure they have some snacks available after school and try and cook earlier.

I will tell DS that I don’t want gf’s mum bringing food here anymore.

It also really annoys me that she will often buy them KFC and curry take ways, as if that’s healthy!

I just feel like she’s providing all the things I can’t and my son wants to spend less and less time at home because he gets ‘treated so well’ at her house.

Really pisses me off, her house apparently is ‘always tidy’ and there’s ‘so much food in the fridge’ and she gets ‘loads of pocket money’ the other day she ‘earned’ £5 just to take the dog for a quick walk.

Grrrrr

9pm?

You are actually starving your children!

Do you have an eating disorder?

What do you eat for breakfast lunch dinner and at what times?

OP give your son beans on toast when he comes in- own brand beans and toast won’t cost much. Buy pop corn kernels, a bag is cheap and he can make his own. Teenagers need more food that adults

I just feel like she’s providing all the things I can’t and my son wants to spend less and less time at home because he gets ‘treated so well’ at her house.

I think those are legitimate feelings when there's such an economic disparity between the two families and when her parents are giving him expensive birthday gifts. Which again seems weird to me as they're 15 year olds, he's not a son in law.

That's a lot of vitriol for a woman you've never met OP

If OP is on a very tight budget then for her it would be really difficult to feed an extra teenage mouth a few times a week. Her DS knows the money is an issue at home and could have been more considerate of it and not embarrass his DM by having his GF staying over a few times a week. Same goes for him. Once a week at his place and once at her place would be enough for their age.

Yabvvu.
My pre teens and teenagers roll back their lips to bare their shark teeth just walking through the front door after school. They are starving. DSGF 's mum is helping you (+ preventing any homicides from occuring!)

Mine eat Beans on toast, baked potatoes, noodles, or banana and oatmeal smoothies, as snacks at 3:30-4:30pm. And still eat the full cooked meal I get on table by 6-7pm (often a slow cooker meal due to work) . And they'd get hangry if waiting for that main meal went past 7pm. My 6 foot+ teenDS also then eats a supper at 9pm. He eats every 3 hours.

And I have 3 slim (but active) teenagers! They develop and grow so much at that stage, these are their ravenous years. (Like Newborn Vampires. Starving TeenSharks...!)

I'm really shocked that you hope your teens can really wait until 9pm or after to eat their dinner 😮
Why not cook the night before and leave their meals plated up in fridge for them to heat up next day at an earlier teatime?. They can eat their small (second) supper later then at 9pm with you if "family meals" are important to you.

That's a lot of anger for people who sound like they are just trying to be kind, and are generous. It's not their fault you feel inferior because of this, and it's not right to claim they're "showing off".

Why would you tell them not to bring food? Don't get into a battle and make your DS choose between his gf and you. Let them eat their snacks in peace.
And if you want to get to know the other parents then invite them in when they drop and collect their DD.

Your kids cant have always eaten at 9pm.

When they were 4?

OP, buying more food so they have snacks or cooking earlier is the only thing you can do.

You say you cant afford snacks, so I am confused why you dont just cook earlier? That would be the most sensible solutions.

Fact is if that both of them are hungry, they probably will spend more and more time at her house.

Maybe the mother knows that and so thought this was the solution.

Tbh, it I was her I would be pissed off. If I was feeding someone else's teen 5 days a week, and the 2 days my teen ate at their bff house she was starving and not eating until 9pm. I would be annoyed I was having to provide food on those days too.

Maybe she thought this was the least confrontational way to do.

Personally, if i was her i wouldnt be letting my dd come over. Have a couple of nights off from eachother and so I wasnt having to feed someone elses teen everyday.

OP, the issue also lies with your DS. I'd be having a talk with him. It's not nice he is going there a few times a week, eats a lot and embarrasses you. He probably talks about you to his GF's family that there isn't much too eat at home and he is starving and they feel sorry for him.

I think you are mixing your reactions. You feel annoyed that your son's gf's family is better off. I understand your feelings but I'm the kindest way you have to just accept it. Embrace it. That's life. If he wants to spend time there, so what? Teenagers do that.
But you are being massively unreasonable not cooking until 9pm!! Can't get my head around that. I eat at 12 noon due to my job and I'm often peckish around 5pm. There's no way I could wait until that time to eat. Besides, by then, I'm starting to think about bed!

I think perhaps they want to contribute since she's at your house so much. Teenagers can be bottomless pits so I'd accept whatever turned up!

If OP is on a very tight budget then for her it would be really difficult to feed an extra teenage mouth a few times a week.

But most nights he eats at her house. Sp it's not really making it more expensive. Because most nights she doesnt have to feed either of them