To feel upset by my teens friends mum dropping off food

[Pearlofthesea]

My teen DS (15) often has his gf over straight from school and although I’ll cook them both a main meal in the evening they complain they’re hungry and need ‘snacks’. I say no, wait until your dinner later (admittedly there’s not a great deal of snack type food in the house but there’s fruit).

It turns out the gf’s mum has been dropping off food bags to ‘tied them over’ until I get around to cooking in the evening. I’m not aware until recently as they sneak out the back to meet the mum in her car.

The bag contains sandwiches, crisps, fruit juice cartons, baby bels, cheese strings, pepperami sausages, grapes, strawberries etc, in my opinion really over the top!

AIBU to be upset and pissed off? This happens at least twice a week. My DS looks at me as if I should be grateful as he says gf’s mum is ‘helping out’ ?!

Aww. I think people ABU for going at you.

It's horrible being on such a tight budget. My baby is only 5 months old and I know for a fact I'm going to struggle so so so much when he's older and the same age as your DD and is going to need lots of food and snacks etc.

Could you maybe portion out their lot of the food and they cook theirs sooner? Or maybe a few days of the week they could cook the meal for everyone? And possible eat theirs earlier?

Could you reduce your shopping bill by going to a different supermarket maybe?

It's bloody hard having to stick to a budget! You are definitely not BU to feel pissed off! It's a horrible feeling comparing yourself to other families xxx

She think going till 9 is too late. I agree.

Instead of banning her dd from going there she is providing food.

I would be really shocked if one if my teens parents made them wait until 9pm for anything to eat

No dinner until after 9!!

9 is ridiculously late!

Do you have issues with food OP? The tone of your post sounds quite judgemental.

I know you've said you are skint so in that case I'd have a nice filling dinner ready for 6pm, something cheap that goes far like spag Bol, chilli, pasta bake, shepherds pie. Could be prepared in advance so no late cooking required.

Actually! If you don't cook until 9 what time do you all eat? What meals do you cook?

like I can’t feed my own kids

But you aren’t feeding them, not enough/early enough anyway. Do you not have bread and cheese/eggs available so they could make some scrambled eggs or fried egg sandwiches/french toast/cheese on toast?

You don't need to get crackers in. Just let them enjoy the snacks that gf brings. And make dinner earlier.

I think as they don't mind doing the snacks, I'd just suck it up and let it continue, especially as you are cooking dinner for the GF. The reality is that the snacks the mum is making are a lot nicer than bread and crackers.

Can you not do dinner a bit earlier though? What time does the GF get home?

9? They’d be gnawing st the furniture if her Mum wasn’t giving them snacks!
She’s giving them nice snacks not (Ott) are you also maybe a bit envious if their nice snacks if you’re on a tight budget?

They must be starving, and YABU.
Get into the habit of cooking at 9 for tomorrow’s supper so they reheat and eat when they need to in that case. Stuff like pasta bakes are easy to prepare ahead and pop in the microwave

9??!!?!? I actually can't believe you make your kids wait until 9pm until they eat dinner with nothing in-between. 9pm isn't a good time for dinner in general...

She sounds like she's being kind and thoughtful. lt's not anything bad about you, she just appreciates how constantly hungry teenagers are.
My two stepsons never stopped eating at that age. l'm sure the eldest one couldn't go over an hour without shoving things into his face. And he was always rail thin.
l honestly think she's thinking about how much it costs to feed them at that age, and she sounds very considerate. You're giving them main meals, so it balances itself out.

Are you seriously expecting them to wait until 9pm for their dinner, is there a good reason you eat so late?
When mine got in they really needed something to keep them going until then. It was usually toast or perhaps cereal, we normally ate 5 ish as they could not wait and then wanted supper, growing boys.

Can they not just cook themselves dinner earlier? Or you prepare the night before and they heat it up? Maybe do a big bowl of ham/other meat pasta salad, leave it in fridge and they can help themselves over a few days.
I’d be pretty pissed off someone was coming out their way to sneak food parcels in!

He goes over her house for meals for most of the rest of the week.

I get the impression they are a really nice family and just trying to help so maybe I do need to be more grateful.

I just find them over the top, like at Christmas and birthday they buy my son expensive hoodies and aftershave etc. (But say it’s off gf) It’s like they’re showing off- or again maybe that’s my own insecurities again.

I’ll just have to try and get over it, they seem pretty smitten and have been together a year or so. I may actually meet her parents at some stage 😳

If you dont feed then till after 9pm and struggling on a budget. I would be grateful she is contributing.

I remember being so hungry all the time at that age.

I used to have 4 weetabix and some fruit as soon as I got in from school at about 3.45. Then dinner at 6pm.

Then more cereal or toast before bed and I was very thin so not overeating or anything, I clearly needed it.

9pm for dinner is really late.

Kids are always hungry when they get home from school and raid the fridge, mine was and so was I. I can remember going straight to the kitchen. Were you not the same? Waiting for dinner is too long.

Good for the friend's mum to provide food. I think she gives too much for a snack but there is obviously a need for something to eat at that time.

I don't understand why you don't make them, eg, a sandwich and a little something else when they come in. It wouldn't cost that much.

Going until 9 without any food is ridiculous. If this were my daughter I’d be advising her to bring her dd to mine. Then you wouldn’t need to worry about cooking for your DS until they split up!

YABU. They come home from school hungry snd you are not giving them something to eat. Bit mean. GFs mum probably thinks you are really tight.

You might feel better for meeting her? You're just parents doing your best and hating some bits. Her with a Range Rover and cheese strings, you with MN in your side! You probably have way more in common than you think.

If they are well off, they will buy more expensive things.

Would you prefer them to buy something cheap for ds?

This is about your insecurities. Not them.

I would be grateful they are fixing the problem, since you dont seem keen to change what time you cook.

Sorry op but YABabitU, especially given how late you have dinner (we often eat around 7.30, and even that is considered quite late). Also if you are cooking an evening meal for both of them, it’s kind of nice that the mum is considerate enough to provide snacks.

You are both being unreasonable. But tbh this is a wake up call and you can get things sorted.

Tell DS that you get it, you will feed him sooner and have more food in the house.

Ask him to ask the other mother to stop.

However, IF you can’t afford to feed them and won’t feed them earlier you should allow this to continue as it is actually helping you all out, even though your pride is damaged.

Maybe also don’t get the rage because she has a nice car. She isn’t doing it to piss you off.