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Original poster

To be disgusted with DP?

183 replies

lizzlebizzle33 · 28/06/2019 16:51

About to leave for work this morning, early around 7am. Just as I'm looking for my work shoes upstairs ds1 wakes up and calls for me. So I go in to see him and tell him mummy has to go to work so daddy will be in in a minute to get him out of his cotbed.

I go into our room (where ds2 still sleeps, in his cot but still in our room)
And DP is watching porn on his phone and wanking under the covers.

Obviously I'm mad, 2 kids awake and in need of getting out of bed, ds2 was awake for a while as I could hear him while I was getting ready.
So instead of getting up he's just left the boys in their cots while he has a wank and with ds2 in the same room!!!!!!

I'm fucking livid, I couldn't even look at him when I came home. All he had to say this morning when I said What the hell? Was "oh I thought you had left already" what fucking difference does that make??????

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 28/06/2019 20:27

Grim theres a time and place for that-no problem with porn but not in front of kids

bobstersmum · 28/06/2019 20:29

I'd have chopped his wanger off.

Cabbagesoupsucks · 28/06/2019 20:34

I'd be reminding him of the law when it comes to sexual activity and children. Yuck. I'd be fuming. Dickhead.

carla1983 · 28/06/2019 20:46

Yes small children can be negatively affected by seeing things they do not even remember later on. In such cases, the negative effects remain, the memories do not. It can be a mindfuck later on.

Whackitupto200 · 28/06/2019 20:56

That’s really really really grim.

How can he possibly be sexually aroused when his own children are awake and calling for attention. I just cannot begin to imagine hearing my toddler awake and calling for someone and instead of attending to them, firing up some porn and having a wank.

How many times have your poor DCs had to wait in their cots for their daddy to finish cracking one out before they can finally have their nappies changed and get some breakfast.

He’s selfish and disgusting. I wouldn’t be able to be in the same house as him. Honestly, for me there would be no way back from this. I know that sounds dramatic but it’s the fact of him hearing his children calling for him and making the deliberate choice to ignore them so that he can wank to porn. For me it’s unforgivable. It would change how I felt about him forever.

Original poster
lizzlebizzle33 · 28/06/2019 21:08

Even though i know that he was under the duvet with his back to ds2, I just cant not feel uttuerly disgusted that he cant control his urges and just get up and get on with the day.
And I'm trying to tell myself that he "started" before the DC were awake and calling for him but then fuck if I hadn't interrupted how long would it have gone on?

OP posts:
GreatOne · 28/06/2019 21:19

OP
You've got the cot in your bedroom....
All those piling on to say it's odd he was in a solo sex act, under the covers, with baby away in the cot. Or saying they Couldn't fathom doing it with baby in the room.

Are you really trying to say you've never had sex, in the past year since your child was born, with baby in the room in the cot?
If so, Seems hypocritical.

Half the posters on here have probably had sex with a baby in their room.
The other half have probably, like me, have kids in their own rooms.
But you've got the cot in your room, so why the suprise, as if it a new arrangement to you.

MangosteenSoda · 28/06/2019 21:21

It is indeed very gross, but I imagine neither child will be damaged from this one incident. Bigger problem is how often he does this with the kids around, and if he leaves his kids crying for attention for a long time so he can wank.

I'd be absolutely raging about the bins.

Pinkfinkle · 28/06/2019 21:27

What lovely first memories for your young DC Grin.

Sorry but this is fucking awful. Grounds for divorce I say. Who ignores their two young children to have a wank in the same room as them? It’s so putrid.

Pinkfinkle · 28/06/2019 21:28

Are you really trying to say you've never had sex, in the past year since your child was born, with baby in the room in the cot?

Very, very different having sex in the same room as a sleeping baby to having sex with two toddlers very much awake and waiting to be dressed and fed!

SirVixofVixHall · 28/06/2019 21:46

Yes. A couple having sex in the same bedroom as a sleeping baby, and being very quiet, in the dark, is one thing. Wanking with a wide awake small person in the room, I just cannot imagine anyone doing this. That is before you get to the watching porn bit too.

smallereveryday · 28/06/2019 21:50

But the whole point is surely about THE TIME !! ... 2/3 minutes .. no problem!! 20 minutes BIG PROBLEM!!

SirVixofVixHall · 28/06/2019 21:54

The time is the least of it surely?
What sort of man imagines that putting on some porn and wanking away with his tiny child in the room, is a great start to the day ? Really disgusting.

firesong · 28/06/2019 21:56

It's not ideal, wanking when two kids need attention. I wouldn't leave him over it though, personally. I think a lot of mens' wanks are very functional and quick and he would've been dealing with the kids quickly enough (if he is usually responsive - I don't know the answer to that). I realise that this is likely an unpopular opinion on mumsnet though.

Newschapter · 28/06/2019 22:05

I would leave him over it.

Next year when ds wants to watch Thomas the tank engine on daddy's iPad and is faced with porn ... Would that still be ok?

Sorry, children do remember things like this and all it takes is a trigger in later years and he'll be sitting with someone like me trying to make sense of it all.

BarryBarryTaylor · 28/06/2019 22:12

OP have you spoken to your DP this evening?
I think I would need to know how often this has happened and if he started before child woke.
What did DP do once you entered the room, did he finish???
I would be furious and I would be close to accusing him of neglectful parenting.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 28/06/2019 22:17

He didn't even sound like he gave a shit

Mummoomoocow · 28/06/2019 22:30

My dp is incredibly prude and private, so much so that we wouldn’t have sex with our cat in the room so I have a very skewed perception of this

I on the other hand am not but if I found anyone doing the same within a few feet of my infant regardless of their relationship with them, I would completely cut them off. I don’t care that he is dad. Ask him if he’s be okay with his dad masturbating in the same room as him even if he couldn’t see.

1moremum · 28/06/2019 22:39

HIs excuse is he 'thought you'd gone'?

this isn't the first time. It's probably a regular habit. and the porn aspect is the least vile part of it. still in bed with DS1&2 awake is bad, walking in their presence is bad. DS2 is obviously quite young, but if he's in the habit of this he's likely not to notice DS2 is not all that young anymore until it's actually a problem. and then porn.

InsertFunnyUsername · 28/06/2019 23:03

The argument about having sex with babies in the same room make no sense.

I imagine the couples who do have sex, do it while the baby is asleep if they did it while the 1 year old was awake in the same room, then yes they would be called disgusting, like OP DP is getting.

motherofcats81 · 28/06/2019 23:17

But the whole point is surely about THE TIME !! ... 2/3 minutes .. no problem!! 20 minutes BIG PROBLEM!!

How on earth could the question of whether or not it is ok to subject an awake child to hearing their dad masturbate to porn be about the length of time they are subjected to it for?

If you take that logic and extrapolate it out, is it ok if say, someone visually exposes their sexual organs to children as long as it's quick??

It is absolutely not the same as having quiet sex in the dark while a baby is asleep.

Was the porn loud OP? Or did he have headphones?

empod · 28/06/2019 23:27

Sorry this had happened to you and your children 💐

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 28/06/2019 23:40

@GreatOne our DS is still in our room, we don't have sex in there when he is in there, we use the spare room and a baby monitor while he is asleep. I'm sure a lot of people don't have sex in front of their children. A one year old absolutely will have memories.

DishingOutDone · 29/06/2019 00:02

How can he possibly be sexually aroused when his own children are awake and calling for attention. I just cannot begin to imagine hearing my toddler awake and calling for someone and instead of attending to them, firing up some porn and having a wank.

This. Particularly to the posters who are setting their bar so very low Hmm

QueSera · 29/06/2019 00:48

Oh OP, I really feel for you.
I feel like a lot of people (not on this thread, I am heartened to see) would say, 'what are you upset about, there's nothing wrong with porn, nothing wrong with wanking, the kids weren't hurt, it's not an issue, get over it!'
However, for me personally, the situation is deeply deeply wrong on many levels, and I would seriously find it very difficult to get past it. Putting on porn when the kids are awake and need attention, in the same room as one child who was awake, who may have been able to hear the porn, and wanking in front of a child even though under the bedcovers, because he thought you'd left the house.

Others may think my view is extreme, but personally to me this paints a picture of a man that I wouldn't want to share my life with, and I would think I am better off without him. So sorry OP, I hope you're ok.

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