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Original poster

To be disgusted with DP?

183 replies

lizzlebizzle33 · 28/06/2019 16:51

About to leave for work this morning, early around 7am. Just as I'm looking for my work shoes upstairs ds1 wakes up and calls for me. So I go in to see him and tell him mummy has to go to work so daddy will be in in a minute to get him out of his cotbed.

I go into our room (where ds2 still sleeps, in his cot but still in our room)
And DP is watching porn on his phone and wanking under the covers.

Obviously I'm mad, 2 kids awake and in need of getting out of bed, ds2 was awake for a while as I could hear him while I was getting ready.
So instead of getting up he's just left the boys in their cots while he has a wank and with ds2 in the same room!!!!!!

I'm fucking livid, I couldn't even look at him when I came home. All he had to say this morning when I said What the hell? Was "oh I thought you had left already" what fucking difference does that make??????

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 28/06/2019 18:48

Whatever you're implying placemats, stay classy.

Zbag · 28/06/2019 18:49

I have no issue with porn but this fucking disgraceful and I would be telling him to leave.

placemats · 28/06/2019 18:52

I've no need to stay classy, dear.

managedmis · 28/06/2019 18:54

He doesn't give a shit, basically

PeoniesarePink · 28/06/2019 19:00

That would break my heart to be honest.

There is a time and a place - not when your kids are calling for you Sad

I'd find that pretty tough to get past. I hope you're OK Flowers

Original poster
lizzlebizzle33 · 28/06/2019 19:04

Thank you, although I'm really not ok.
I just need to keep it together until I've got the boys to bed. Probably going to have a good cry after that.

Who can I even talk to irl about this, I would not do my talk to my sister or friends about relationship stuff but this is too much

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 28/06/2019 19:07

Not much to add to what everyone else has said OP, sorry he's put you in this situation. As for what you say to him I think I would open with 'you do realise social services/police would class what you did this morning as child sexual abuse don't you?', he needs to realise just how serious this is.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2019 19:09

I don’t even know what I would do in this situation - it’s appalling. It’s a combination or so many horrible things I don’t even know where to start.

Wanking with an awake child in the room?!? What the actual fuck?! With another child wanting his attention? With porn?!

As if this is the first time.

Jux · 28/06/2019 19:10

Wanking with his child in the same room. That does make me feel sick. How can you do that?

So now you're going to get up earlier, get the kids up yourself before you go to work.

I'd say he's got what he wanted, wouldn't you?

How about you expect him to get the kids up before you leave the house, instead? You are in a strong negotiating position for this.

TheInebriati · 28/06/2019 19:10

You can talk to the Samaritans. They wont tell you what to do, and they wont judge. Its confidential and they have the advantage that they aren't family.
www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

There are other listening charities as well.

YouJustDoYou · 28/06/2019 19:15

I think there's something wrong with someone who can quite easily and happily ignore a child whilst they pleasure themselves. I just wouldn't be able to get my head around that. Something along the lines of "what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

LinusSula · 28/06/2019 19:18

Makes you wonder how often he does this when "he thinks you've left"? 🤔

Nomorepies · 28/06/2019 19:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Glovesick · 28/06/2019 19:35

Op this is horrid.

Remember you don't need to talk before you are ready.

Can you tell him to stay with a mate for a few days?

You need to be calm and know what you want. Do you want to end the relationship over this? If not, you need to limit the damage this has done and look to a solution. It won't be clear to you in a matter of a couple of hours. Let the anger die down and allow yourself thinking time without being angry.

You can handle this.

If he is in the house, change the Wi-Fi code...

Cryalot2 · 28/06/2019 19:36

Sorry op , I think I would have strangled him with his bits . ( joking ) I would have been mad .

Newschapter · 28/06/2019 19:38

He needs to see how serious this actually is.

I'm speechless. And it's not about a wank, it's about doing it in front on his child, with porn playing.

Mischone · 28/06/2019 19:50

Wtf is wrong with some of these men, sex on the brain and suddenly any shred of decency goes out of the window. I thought mine was bad (I was having a moan on the relationships thread) but this is something else.

OP I'm so sorry. I can only hope that your reaction has brought it home to him just how bloody wrong that is.

smallereveryday · 28/06/2019 19:52

I don't know how long you lot take to crack one out but my DH could probably manage it in about 2-3 minutes. So I think there is a bit of unnecessary pearl clutching going on.. although it does depend. Obviously if he was going for a leisurely wank then leaving the older child in his cot for half an hour pornfest is definitely not on.

As for the 1 yr old in the bedroom .. he wouldn't have a clue or a memory so no not 'disgusting ' imho however definitely weird as most could not get the urge with a baby/animal etc in the room.

Itellpeopletogoogleit · 28/06/2019 19:59

I wouldn't be able to look at my DH for a long time if he did this. I don't know if it'd be the end of our marriage, but I would definitely be considering it. I can't even have sex in a different room to my kids if I know they're awake!

Clevererthanyou · 28/06/2019 20:00

smallereveryday just because a child 'doesn't have a clue' it doesn't mean it's ok to subject them to being around their sexually aroused parent(s)/carer whilst they pleasure (eurgh) themselves.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2019 20:05

I know people hate when people say “DH says” but DH’s insight as a man is that he will be doing it every fucking time you leave as you leaving is his “trigger” to get going.

smallereveryday · 28/06/2019 20:08

Clevererthanyou then how on earth do you think the average family of 6 kids in a two bedroom house ever came to be - before the invention of contraception if '
it doesn't mean it's ok to subject them to being around their sexually aroused parent(s)/carer whilst they pleasure (eurgh) themselves.'

My dad was one of 11... 2 bed house. Pretty sure they didn't pop outside for a shag !!

netflixlove · 28/06/2019 20:12

That's rank tbh, I'd be pissed too OP.
Is he normally such a shit parent/husband?

LittleKitty1985 · 28/06/2019 20:13

I guess they start becoming a lot more aware by 1yo. At a younger age it's no worse than having 18-certificate tv on while a baby is in the room, & I certainly have watched a lot of that while breastfeeding!

Newschapter · 28/06/2019 20:27

smaller children as young as that definitely do have memories.

I work with them every day.

And I'd guess that when adults have sex they ensure the child in the cot is sound asleep, not standing in the cot yelling to get up...

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