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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your husbands week looked like this would it bother you?

196 replies

Alain23 · 28/06/2019 01:49

He finishes work at 6pm Mon to Fri and this is how his evenings are spent (we don’t have children yet)

Monday
7:30pm - 10:30pm - We both have dinner with my parents

Tuesday
6:30pm - 8:30pm - Football with his friends

Wednesday - Evening at home

Thursday
6pm - 8pm - He sees his parents

Friday
7pm - 8pm - He sees his nephew
8pm - 10pm - Football with his brothers

Saturday - Date night for us

Sunday
5:30pm - 10pm - He has dinner with his parents

OP posts:
Baritriwsahys · 28/06/2019 01:50

You go together to your parents but not to his?

ryanreynolds · 28/06/2019 01:54

Hard to tell without knowing what your week is like?

RainbowMum11 · 28/06/2019 01:56

Does it bother you? Surely that's what matters!

SemperIdem · 28/06/2019 02:00

Is there any reason he is at his parents so long and you don’t join?

Rowennaravenclaw · 28/06/2019 02:04

Seems fine, although why don’t you visit his parents together at all? The Sunday dinner would be a nice thing to go to as a couple?

Original poster
Alain23 · 28/06/2019 02:04

His parents have tried to cause problems in our marriage so I keep away whilst he maintains his relationship with them. Hence why I am not with him for dinner at their house

OP posts:
managedmis · 28/06/2019 02:05

That's a lot of other people cooking!

eighteenandaching · 28/06/2019 02:08

Do you have children or other caring responsibilities?

RainbowMum11 · 28/06/2019 02:08

But do you have a problem with it? I guess so, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. What do you do when he's doing other stuff?

eighteenandaching · 28/06/2019 02:08

Sorry. Just read you have no kids.

No. Wouldn't bother me.

wombatron · 28/06/2019 02:12

I don't get why he goes to his parents twice a week.... but it's not my relationship. It seems a bit much for every week in that sense but perhaps that's how it's always been for you both.

Hard to say if I'd be happy about it or not without knowing your week.

You really only see each other on weekends? In that instance I wouldn't be thrilled that every Sunday was spent somewhere I couldn't go at what is 'prime time' evening. DH often will pop over to see his mum in the week, and then at the weekend but it usually morning/day time when I'm cleaning or something fun so I'm not really missing him!

cabingirl · 28/06/2019 02:14

Looks fantastic to me.

wombatron · 28/06/2019 02:15

Actually, he's home Wednesdays also. Assuming you are also, and assuming you're there when he gets back from his activities. Given you're together at your parents, Wednesdays and the weekends I don't see why the Tuesday, Thursday and Friday are an issue - the Sunday night would annoy me because that's typically when we'd relax having had a full on weekend.

DH sometimes is our twice a week whilst I'm out once - it's similar to your week in that respect.

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/06/2019 02:20

Do you not have friends you both go out and socialise with rather than your parents or siblings?

I'd be encouraging him to go out with you and other friends and spend less time with his parents potentially dripping poison in his ear about you

Rachelle11 · 28/06/2019 02:24

Wouldn't bother me, but since it does you that's the main thing.

Original poster
Alain23 · 28/06/2019 02:32

It does bother me but now I’m thinking maybe it’s actually more to do with the time spent with his parents who have treated me poorly and have tried to drive a wedge in between us. I guess I feel hurt every time he goes over there and like they’ve won and I’m second priority. I try to keep myself busy on those days but I still feel this way. He sometimes sees them more than what I posted.

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 28/06/2019 02:32

I'd maybe try to reclaim the full weekend together if you agree on it. The rest is fine - it's a decent split between family, together time, and his hobby. Is Sunday due to his mum cooking a roast dinner?

notangelinajolie · 28/06/2019 02:34

Looks ok to me.

Apart from why don't you go with him to see his parents?

HUZZAH212 · 28/06/2019 02:39

Are you planning on kids at some point? Have you discussed how that would work in relation to contact with his parents? Would he go to theirs with baby on his own, or would you visit too?

wombat1a · 28/06/2019 02:44

Looks ok to me, although he could drop the Thurs night.

MyOpinionIsValid · 28/06/2019 03:04

I guess I feel hurt every time he goes over there and like they’ve won and I’m second priority.

So this has nothing to do with time per se but more about his relationship with his family. Don't try and isolate him away from them, it wont end well.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2019 03:08

Twice a week every week with his parents? That seems a lot.

Original poster
Alain23 · 28/06/2019 03:12

@MyOpinionIsValid Do you have any tips on how I should be handling this?

OP posts:
jameswong · 28/06/2019 03:28

If that was my wife's schedule when we were child-free then I'd have been delighted. 3 nights together, 4 nights apart. Instead of sitting at home moping, use the free time you have to pursue your own hobbies and see your own friends. If you do not have any hobbies, or you don't have many friends, then you'll find the root of your problems in the mirror.

Limpshade · 28/06/2019 03:28

It does seem quite parent-centric but I should say I am an expat who sees family only once a year (or less!) so anything more than once a fortnight seems heaps to me.

Have you explained to him how you feel, ie second best? Would it feel the same if he was out with his friends each time, for instance? Or is it more to do with his parents? P

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