to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

sorry wasn't meant as a rude hmm....just a hmm...only I made it into an emoticon hmm...iykwim....

VoluptuaGoodshag,

The present was inappropriate for the following reason, a three year old is not old enough to understand about people in need, which makes me feel that the present was more about supporting the present givers favorite charity than giving the OP's little girl a present.

However, that being said I think you guys are right that it is not a big deal and equally inappropriate to throw a way the card.

As a matter of fact, now that I am thinking about it, if I threw away a card my kid got and they caught me. They would give me the saddest eyes.

hatrickjacqueline

How old is your dd?

Leati, but Melly even said herself that her DD would probably have like it but she never gave her the chance so it's not about the present. Surely the best judge would have been her DD. I'm still hoping Melly will give some other examples of what her BIL is like but I don't think we're going to get any.

sorry to disappoint you Goodshag but i don't feel at all 'uncomfortable at looking so petty', because I don't believe i am being petty, not in the slightest.
Please don't presume to know how i may feel - you are on a completely different wavelength to me so you would have absolutely no idea - thanks

X-d posts Leati.

Right I'm away to pour myself a large glass of wine. I've had a hellish day - I'll be back (in Arnie voice)

Okay,

I do think calling Mellymum petty is being a little mean spirited. If she felt that the gift was inappropriate she was well with in her rights not to give it to her daughter.

However, Mellymum I have to worry that maybe this got out of hand. I have seen many family holidays ruined because minnows turned to whales.

I think the best thing would have been to try and spin the present in a positive way.

"a 3 year old is perfectly capable of understanding this and you said yourself that your dd would be pleased if it was explained to her. "

Franny I have to disagree with you there. The child is just 3, was 2 the day before her birthday. This is really very young. Perhaps my 3 year old is not particularly advanced, but if I tried to explain a concept like this he would look at me with bewildered incomprehension.

My 5 year old would grasp it - but definitely not my 3 year old

Those of us who have given presents like this to our 3 year olds have found that they liked them. It isn't beyond comprehension.

but op had claimed that her dd would indeed be able appreicate the concept, etc....well, she expects BIL etc...to know her child well enough, I assume she certainly knows her child well enough...hence the"what is the problem"

Okay - I'll have to accept your word for it of course, but it's completely outside my frame of reference for most just turned 3 year olds.

I'm not doubting you but I am sceptical re most just turned 3 year olds

btw....I know for a fact that my soon to be 3 year old youngesty son probably wouldn't get it, but I also know that he really wouldn't understand who gave him actual presents, a card or whatever....so, why get your knickers in a twist anyway....

(anyway, anyone been following the misdee thread.....feel so sorry for them all....just to give some perspective here....evil me)

Well tbh it isn't something I would get my knickers in a twist over.

I probably would have been privately dismissive of my in laws and moved on...

Off to look for Misdees thread....Oh dear

exactly hmc...there are bigger things to worry about (she says who has been spending far to much time not just on mn, nbut on this thread....)

I quite like the idea of giving recycled toys (ie. charity shop) as presents.

MIL was horrified at this suggestion as I have an ongoing problem with her need to shower my boys with stuff every time she sees them (once a week.)

I think if the daughter of the OP had not received any/many other presents it would have been a bit crap to get this. It sounds as though she got a lot of other presents, anyway.

I do agree, however, that the givers of these gifts can often be a bit sanctimonious. And I think a four/five year old (when they start school and often have charity 'sister' schools in Africa etc) would get more from the idea.

Rightie - where have we got to? Blimey, I feel p*ed after one glass. Cheers everyone. Hic