to consider present for dd's third birthday inappropriate

[MellyMum]

My dd was 3 recently, she received loads of really nice pressies or money from older relatives - great! Thankyou notes have been sent already.
But I was pretty annoyed when she received her gift from dp's brother and partner, who also have kids. It was a card picked from save the children, informing us that for my dd's b/day a school uniform had been sent to a child who needs it.
I am all for donating money to charity, especially children's charity, if you can afford it, but to do it for a little girl's b/day strikes me as being fairly inappropriate and highly pretentious.
Also my dd is their only niece, as BIL's partner is an only. We are in regular contact, they have their own kids, so it's not as if they don't know what stage she's at or what she might like. Could they not have come up with something better for her rather than trying to make themselves feel good? AIBU?!

I think for older kids/adults this kind of present might be nice if it's appropriate - e.g. RSPB membership for a bird-lover, animal adoption for an animal-lover etc. I don't think a third birthday is really appropriate but if they were determined to do this why a school uniform? Why not play-related & maybe a tiny token present for Melie's dd to open? That way the lo gets the fun of opening a pressie & is old enough to understand that because it's her birthday another child who isn't as lucky as her gets a gift too (a gift the child can understand better than a school uniform).

We get all our xmas cards & some of our gifts from the RSPB & other charities but only buy things that we know the recipients will like & not just so we can feel good about ourselves. Looks as though Mellie's rellies just didn't think it through.

Have to say tho' that I wouldn't have put the card in the bin.

I think this would be a lovely present for an older child, but does seem inappropriate for a 3 year old.

"Have to say tho' that I wouldn't have put the card in the bin. "

Me neither, I would have given it back as a brithday present to their children with a note about the virtues of recycling!

wow, how many people would be nasty to their nieces and nephew on purpose...just to be spiteful to the parents...honest....adults should take it out with the adults.

btw...when I originally opened the thread, I was really interested to see what sort of inappropriate thing this little girl got...was thinking along the lines of a T-shirt with a sexual slogan, or a gun, or a movie that was way out fo the agerange, or well, something equally truely "inappropriate"...not this...

I was going to bu my Dad a charity goat for xmas because he's an arragant tosser that never buys me or mine anything but I hate the feeling that I am being pennypinching. The charoty goa as teh perfect present - he got nothing, some nice family who needed one got a goat and I felt better.

Thats a very suitable use for a charity present.

When you have an agreement with family to buy only the childrne (and not the adults) presents I think buying a charity present is pointless. Why not just discuss that the childrne have enough and suggest you each donate to your (or the kids) favorite charity instead? Why unilaterally decide that Mellymums DD wasn't going to get a present, at 3 . Sorry but it does seem bizarre to me.

Hatrick..perehaps they didn't want to sound selfish by saying they would be dispapointed. Surely this kind of present is something that you ask someone to buy FOR you not you buy for them ( unless likeminded adults)...?
I wasn't offended at all when that was what our family was bought as a joint present from my brother - I just found it strange that he didn't mention it before we went out buying them comedy dvd's. cd's and makeup for his wife...

DS received an 'Adopted animal' gift when he was 4, he was really pleased with it and went around telling people that he had a pet tiger that lived in another country! I think something like that, where the child gets a cuddly toy of the animal and receives update letters is much more appropriate for very young children than this school uniform thing.
I can see why the OP would have been put out by this gift and agree that while the thought behind it may have been all very noble, they could have at least bought her daughter a small present so she had something to open as well.

because they're children, and because it's part of the magic of childhood, and because there are 364 OTHER days of the year on which they can concentrate on learning about the needs of others.

I guess we would have to disagree then Hatrick..the thing is I would have no problem at all if every gift I was purchsed for birthdays/christmas was a charity donation but I would mind if it was my little girl's bday because she would be too little to understand.

If you wish to give to charity do it. If you wish to let people know that you do - so be it. If you want to give £10 to charity instead of a child's birthday pressie costing you that..why not do both or just not buy the chiold anything and stop pretending that it was 'their' gift?

oh I just think people should take the poles from out of their arses on this one. It's ONE day and it's a birthday for a THREE year old, and if wanting them to have presents makes you 'material' then I'm a dutchman.

The magic of childhood is about many things, ONE of which is presents on the ONE day of the year which is your THIRD BIRTHDAY!

Jeeezus.

Hatrick _ I'm completely with you there...so if the Uncle in question had said he would take his niece for a picnic, or a trip to the zoo or just down the road for an icecream i would have been delighted...
just not a charitable donation on her behalf when she's three.

She will not remember that 'present' either will she?

exactly dropdead. A present can be anything that is done or given to give pleasure to the receiver; doesn't have to be 'material' but must be thoughtful! It is monumentally un-thoughtful to give a three year old this donation as a present.

How is a 3yo supposed to remember anything they got for their b/day when they are older. The point is that they really enjoy the the things they get now while they are 3. She is 3, what is she expected to get out of a donation made by someone else on her behalf - nothing - so, FOR HER, this is a nothing present.

I'm just glad that all of my family members did not 'assume' that she would get 'more than enough presents' or she may have ended up with all her potential gifts being ever so generously given away.

Can the 'disagreers'(!) not just consider that a 3yo's b/day should be about them - and not about the teaching of morals. There are other instances and plenty of time in the future for highlighting such issues. And that perhaps the parents should have a say in how and when this is the right time.

"She is 3, what is she expected to get out of a donation made by someone else on her behalf "

the same as the rest of us who like getting this sort of gift, the pleasure of knowing that someone else is a little bit more fortunate than they would have been otherwise, because of us

a 3 year old is perfectly capable of understanding this and you said yourself that your dd would be pleased if it was explained to her.

Tbh I think your BIL is paying your family a compliment with this gift - he is assuming you and your dd will be pleased to think of the effect of the donation made on her behalf. Shame he is wrong

still wiht hatrick...and Melly, but the day was about your daughter, everybody made a fuss....that she will always remember, like you say the presents she got she will soon have forgotten, but had you not put that card in the bin maybe your dd one day would have appreciated it....and maybe she wouldn't...but she would have had that choice...

Yes I thought the inference that being generous and taking pleasure in other people's happiness, is an unpleasant chore that should not have to be done on one's birthday, was a bit sad

tbh, I never expect anyhting of otehr people, present wise...not for me and not for my Kids....presents they will always get from us.
The only time I do get upset is, when I go through the trouble organising a Party for teh Kids and no one turns up and they can't even be bothered to let you know....now, that is inappropriate.

So, Melly, tell me, where would a T-shirt with the Slogan : Touch me, you know you want too...or some such shite that can be bought for little girls rank...in a category less inappropriate , as inappropriate or appropriate, because it is a gift that your dd can unwrap and use....