Aibu to say something to this mum or just leave it?

[MegaBlocks]

I know in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a huge issue but it’s irritating me a little and would like some outside opinions.

I take sons friend to school in the morning a few times a week. I have done since reception and they’re now in year 3 so it’s a long term thing. I don’t mind helping and I never have. Boys very nice friendly with the parents etc.

Mum would always message me if dad was taking him and I wasnt needed to. On a very rare occasion I turned up and his dad has taken him and she’s forgotten to tell me though she was super apologetic and I was fine about it.

However it’s now becoming a more regular occurrence that I get there he’s already gone and I’ve gone out my way for nothing. The apologies have stopped and it just seems a bit like tough shit you’ve wasted your time iyswim.

They aren’t far from the school but it’s not on my direct route so have to go the long way round. It only adds on about 5/6 minutes into the journey which I know sounds petty but I have three kids and my own job to go so I’m not exactly swimming in loads of spare time in the morning myself.

I’m just getting a little frustrated with going there for no reason. I’ve been really really accommodating with requests and all I really want is a message to say don’t need to come today.

Anyway I just roll my eyes inwardly and carry on to school as I don’t want to make a fuss but it happened today when DH did the school run and he was fuming and wants me to say something. I do occasionally get messages saying I don’t need to come but it’s more often than not it’s forgotten.

Aibu to ask her to start informing me as I’m getting a little fed up of being messed about or should I just leave it to avoid bad feelings? I do like the parents and don’t want to cause awkwardness (I’m a massive people pleaser).

God I've no patience for these threads.

Be a martyr, you're determined to.

Come on OP, they are unappreciative and disrespectful. Just put a stop to it. Don't explain, just say it's not working for you anymore. If they ask why, tell them.

In that case, I'd text them and say that you're happy to take little Johnny to school but I need a text in the morning to say that you're needed that day.

That way, no text, no need to go to his house!

I bet they won't forget to text you when they need you!

I think I would just stop turning up as other posters have said. It’s their responsibility to get their own child to school

A short, polite email or note should do the trick.

BTW, isn’t it typical of the sexes when the female is polite, self effacing and empathetic and tries to be tactful in a situation when the the DH barges in, takes offence and gets angry.

My DH used to get cross when our lovely cleaning lady merely used to ‘spray and go’ He would say she was just spraying expensive chemicals round the bathroom without cleaning properly.

Now he’s retired he does nothing but ‘spray and go’. He can get through a £3 bottle of Viakall in two sessions of ‘cleaning’.

Perhaps the OP could get her husband to sort the situation out.

Second sentence should have a question mark. Sorry.

Just waiting to see if you say something at this point....

I do hope you do!

The simplest solution is to have direct contact with the disabled relative - they text you when you're needed, and you don't get involved with the flaky parents. You still help out, but you're helping the person who needs you not the parents who clearly don't appreciate you and don't care that you're inconvenienced.

Could this be a way (a rubbish way mind) that the parents are letting the op know that she is no longer needed? Could be the fact that they don't want her picking the child up anymore but don't want to say?

This would really annoy me, you are definitely not being unreasonable, your time is just as precious as theirs. I agree with the posters who suggest you change the arrangement. Let them know that in future you will pick up the boys only if they let you know the lift is required, at the latest the evening before, otherwise you will assume that dad will be taking them to school. The onus is then on them to arrange and not for you to worry about it, especially as this is not a reciprocal arrangement, if you don't hear from them, every evening, you won't pick them up.

Bunny - she’s doing it because she’s a nice person and can help a family in need with minimum disruption to her own journey.
Op doesn’t want to stop - she just wants the child to be there!
Stopping would have an impact on that child and Op wants to continue to help but just needs them to communicate.

Thank you. This sums it up probably worded better than I could have! I know lots have said stop doing it. Thing is I actually don’t mind doing the favour, it’s literally only five minutes it’s definitely more the lack of communication i have issue with.

Anyway I have spoken to mum. Said I don’t mind picking him up on the way but she has to start letting me know if he isn’t going to be there. She apologised and said sometimes it slips her mind etc.

Anyway we have come to an agreement that she will message me on a Sunday which days her son needs picking up for the week and I’ll go on them days only unless she communicates otherwise.

I felt a bit petty about bringing it up over a few minutes but after reading these replies I realise I really wasn’t. So thank you everyone for the input!

Good update! Weekly amendments sound like a reasonable thing. Well done for being so kind, but also being respected and appreciated xx

Ah well done OP. Nicely played. You got your point across without falling out and also continuing the favour you don't mind doing. Hopefully it continues like this.

They and the relative are very fortunate. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been so patient.

If I’m being frank, I’m not happy with the resolution. The ball is still in their court, they still get their way. Realistically any changes can happen last minute eg if dad decides to drop him off and they forget to inform you again, nothing has really changed for them. Sincerely hope they will change their ways now m - only time will tell!

Id love to have someone i could just text on a sunday night with a list of the mornings they will be required to do the school run for me.

Why can't they drop him at breakfast club?

I hope they at least babysit for you now and then or something.