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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I genuinely don't know how to deal with this

235 replies

KaleidoscopeEyes · 27/06/2019 01:17

I'm posting here for traffic.

I have a 22 year old daughter in Uni. She has a student loan as I'm in no position to support her financially, I work for minimum wage and things are beyond tight. She's going to be starting her second year soon.

I live with DP who has a daughter due to start uni in September. She lives with her mum and sees her dad and me often.

After she had been accepted for uni, her mum decided that she wasn't going to help dsd with the cost. She is a lawyer.

She has told dsd that she must say she lives with us so that we can advise student finance that we're both in low paid jobs and she can get financial assistance.

We've both had the email today for us to apply for the finance for dsd.

I can't do it. Firstly, it's fraud. Secondly, even if I did do it, and it was uncovered that we were lying, they might think I was lying when I applied for my own dd and take away her finance.

Wtf do we do?? Dsd has been in tears with her dad, he obviously doesn't want to scupper her chances, she has worked SO hard for this. But her mum is resolute, and I know she will not change her mind. I've been with DP for 8 years now, and I know who she is.

Does anyone have any advice please? I've name changed for this and I don't think I've left anything out. Thanks in advance if you can help.

OP posts:
Tabbycatlove · 03/07/2019 15:33

It is fraud because she isn't going to move in with you, presumably your DP didn't state that.

Putting herself on the electoral roll at yours when she doesn't live with you, registering her bank account and everything else to your address when she never stays overnight, do you want to get involved with that?

All her finances to be assessed on both of you, you and your DP having to be guarantors etc for her over the next few years as another poster said. Can you do it?

Watch her Mum gradually withdraw all financial support towards her living costs.

Her Mum knows what she's doing. Don't do it, don't sign, your DSD doesn't live with you and isn't going to which does then make it fraud.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 03/07/2019 15:34

So why were 90% of the answers here to the contrary? When I started the thread, all I wanted was someone to say, oh its fine, everyone does it and you wont get into trouble... But nobody did! People were saying I could go to prison!

OP posts:
Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 03/07/2019 15:36

No, she is going to. She's going to move in with us for a month, which is what we told student finance and they said that's ok. If that's the only way it can be done, then that's it. It's that or not go to uni.

It doesn't sit well with me at all. I've heard it from the horses mouth and I'm still not happy that's correct.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 15:45

Because you’d sooner believe all the drama llamas on MN?

Tabbycatlove · 03/07/2019 15:46

Everything financial will have to remain registered to your address for the next few years, she will be officially living at yours and if she's at her Mum's full time during holidays instead that's fraud.

When you say it's so this or she doesn't go to Uni has that come from her Mum or your DP?

It doesn't sound like you can support her through her law course without her Mum even with the higher loan, be careful what you're getting in to.

Namestheyareachangin · 03/07/2019 15:54

And the lesson for the day is, if you have a question that has a definitive answer, ask the people who actually know (in this case, Student Finance). Could have saved yourself "weeks of being scared to death" (scared of what, anyway? The situation was always completely in your power as you were the one who had to sign!)

MumW · 03/07/2019 15:55

If she is now officially living with you, then you won't need to pay maintenance, surely that would look dodgy, wouldn't it?

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 16:05

Maintenance should be paid directly to the daughter by now in any case.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 03/07/2019 16:13

@Namestheyareachangin I was scared of doing the wrong thing. Morally, ethically and legally. I'm in one of the most difficult positions I've ever been in.

OP posts:
Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 03/07/2019 16:15

Maintenance will be going directly to dsd. As will child benefit because I'm pretty sure exw will have to change that as well. I can't remember when that stops, my own dd is almost 22 now and I've forgotten.

OP posts:
Fibbke · 03/07/2019 16:30

So why were 90% of the answers here to the contrary? When I started the thread, all I wanted was someone to say, oh its fine, everyone does it and you wont get into trouble... But nobody did! People were saying I could go to prison!

Yes, its mumsnet Wink

Tabbycatlove · 03/07/2019 17:04

Only on Mumsnet would you get posters being blasé about you moving your DSD in to the front room of your 3 bed when you have two teenage sons at home and your daughter in the holidays. Which is going to place strain on all of you while her bedroom at her Mum's sits empty.

Worse advice to encourage your DP and you, both on minimum wage, to basically take on full responsibility for putting her through her law degree over the next few years on top of all your other commitments. Even the higher loan won't cover everything.

While her Mother, a well off lawyer herself, refuses to do everything she can to support her daughter in to the same profession.

Don't let your DP emotionally blackmail you OP. And I still think you could have issues with loans being stopped in the future if she doesn't stay living with you after the month.

Fibbke · 03/07/2019 17:06

And I still think you could have issues with loans being stopped in the future if she doesn't stay living with you after the month why do you think that if the student finance haven't said that?

And how do you know her mum isn't going to support her?

Fibbke · 03/07/2019 17:06

My dd is off to uni and she's already got a job for next summer so she won't be living back here for longer than 2 weeks for the next 2 or 3 years.

Her loan won't be stopped Confused

Lessstressedhemum · 03/07/2019 17:13

My dh, a senior, professionally qualified fraud investigator with the Student Loans Company, says that you have been wrongly advised. This situation constitutes fraud under student finance regulations.

He has advised that you record with whom you spoke at SFE , when and what advice they have you in order to safeguard your dsd in the future.

Honestly, he has done this job for many years and has come across this scenario lots of times. It doesn't end well. Your dsd could end up being made ineligible for funding permanently.

Original poster
KaleidoscopeEyes · 03/07/2019 17:52

@Lessstressedhemum I recorded the whole call on my phone whilst DP had then on loudspeaker on his phone.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 03/07/2019 18:03

The student loan company advisors are completely crap. My son filled out his form wrongly - because it is not clear to only put down your RESIDENT parent - and so within 10 minutes we had his dad on the phone asking what the hell was going on and why did they think he lived with us?

He, my son, and I were all told several different versions of what my son needed to do to sort it out. I only found out the real procedure by complaining about this, and about the misleading way the online form was set up. (In case anyone needs to know - you have to send your divorce certificate and your council tax single person discount as proof)

I would definitely not commit fraud, which is basically what you are being asked to do by the mother. However, if you refuse to support the application, then the child gets nothing, basically, from what we were told by the student loans company - but of course, they are useless, so that may or may not be correct.

Lessstressedhemum · 03/07/2019 18:37

kaleidoscope, good. Dh says whoever told you that should lose their job.

Just for info, without even trying, the SLC fraud team can tell you everything about your life. They can see all bank accounts, bills, tax records, benefit claims, social media, electoral roll details, property details, and much, much more. They work with the MET serious and organised crime unit, they are integrated with other fraud investigations units within the government and police. They take fraud very seriously and recoup and save many millions of pounds a year in fraudulently claimed student funding. Those saying SFE don't take fraud seriously are completely wrong.

Tabbycatlove · 03/07/2019 19:04

And how do you know her mum isn't going to support her?

If the situation is now that the DSD doesn't go to Uni if OP and her DP don't make this fraudulent application then it certainly sounds like her Mum isn't going to support her.

Otherwise if a truthful application is made from her home (Mum's) address, she receives the lower loan she's actually entitled to, Mum contributes to make up the difference as assessed by Student Finance based on their household income, her Dad helps with the maintenance he can, the DSD works holidays at least and, though not ideal, will have student overdraft available to her if things get really tight then why can't she go?

Justathinslice · 03/07/2019 20:45

It's not lying and cheating the system!!!!

This is a Student LOAN not benefits!

Lessstressedhemum · 03/07/2019 21:05

It is a loan, but legislation around student finance is tight and the slc would consider it fraud. As I say, my dh is a fraud investigator with slc with btec level 8 professional qualifications and deals with this kind of thing every day.

Alsohuman · 03/07/2019 21:18

If SLC - which is essentially a commercial organisation administering loans - really can access all that personal information, it should be stopped immediately. It’s outrageous. I wonder how many people know that?

BanjoStarz · 03/07/2019 21:34

It’s a LOAN.

Your allowing DSD to access more of a loan than if she was resident at her other parents. That’s it. It might even be that your DD is allowed to claim more due to anothe student being resident at your address (used to be the case anyway)

It’s spectacularly bloody easy to claim “my DH is employed as” on an anonymous forum - but you’ve actually spoken to and recorded a conversation with the actual loans company...why would you believe anything else?

Justathinslice · 03/07/2019 21:43

But if Sfe say it's fine, then what is the problem!????
They set the rules. If you're not breaking them by declaring dsd lives with you, then what is the problem, pray tell!!

It would mean more money in her pocket, which sounds like she would need!

Lessstressedhemum · 03/07/2019 22:38

Ok, fair enough, obviously other people know better. But my dh actually is a fraud investigator with slc and they do investigate these kind of things every day.