I genuinely don't know how to deal with this

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

I'm posting here for traffic.

I have a 22 year old daughter in Uni. She has a student loan as I'm in no position to support her financially, I work for minimum wage and things are beyond tight. She's going to be starting her second year soon.

I live with DP who has a daughter due to start uni in September. She lives with her mum and sees her dad and me often.

After she had been accepted for uni, her mum decided that she wasn't going to help dsd with the cost. She is a lawyer.

She has told dsd that she must say she lives with us so that we can advise student finance that we're both in low paid jobs and she can get financial assistance.

We've both had the email today for us to apply for the finance for dsd.

I can't do it. Firstly, it's fraud. Secondly, even if I did do it, and it was uncovered that we were lying, they might think I was lying when I applied for my own dd and take away her finance.

Wtf do we do?? Dsd has been in tears with her dad, he obviously doesn't want to scupper her chances, she has worked SO hard for this. But her mum is resolute, and I know she will not change her mind. I've been with DP for 8 years now, and I know who she is.

Does anyone have any advice please? I've name changed for this and I don't think I've left anything out. Thanks in advance if you can help.

As DSD is 18 (? I assume) will maintenance fees from her dad to her mum stop? Could your DP then give this direct to his DD instead for her maintenance at uni? Would this plus her getting a part time job be able to cover rent etc at uni?

It isn't an unusual way to play the system. Your husband is still her dad. Just fill in the forms.

This makes my blood boil. I suspect the mother will give her DD money anyway. Just not as much as she would have to if she declared her earnings.

Does anyone wonder why lawyers have a reputation for being snakes.

Don’t do it, call her bluff.

Btw, if you refuse to do it, the amount of money your daughter gets will be exactly the same as what she would get applying with her mum as the supporting parent. So she won’t be any worse off.

Perhaps as a previous poster said, your partner could start paying whatever he has paid in maintenance to his daughter directly once she starts uni. My bet is her mum will support her anyway, she just sees putting you as the supporting parents as a way to free money (which, to be fair, it is).

Omg just get her to move in for a bit.

Shocking you and her father are threatening not to help her. She be stuck out at uni with no money or worse not able to go at all.

I can't imagine how that poor girl must feel knowing her mum and dad have turned their backs on her.

Also this will not effect YOUR daughter finances regardless, how ridiculous.

God the lawyer mother is a bitch.
Did cannot have her cake and eat it; ie live with her mother because the house is nicer, but “move into” your front room.

I suspect that if you offer the front room option, dsd will say yes to get the funding, then go back to her mum’s during the holidays.

You and your dh need to stand firm and say no; it’s illegal.
The mother has made this your fault.

I would write to the Law Society ( governing body of solicitors) with this exact query. Then use the letter you get back to show your dsd why what her mother is suggesting is illegal.
Puts the ball back in the mother’s court.

Dsd will rant and be angry, but she needs to realise at some point who her mother is. Her father cannot protect her forever.
18 yo is a good time to start.

Her mother is a lawyer. I’d be making a thread in legal to find out what you could threaten to do to scupper your dsd’s mother’s career and force her to contribute. She’s quite happy to try to force your dp into lying so why wouldn’t you threaten her back? Now that your dsd is an adult, perhaps it’s time to fight back.

Don't do it, the mother has put daughter in this situation. Just say no it illegal and fraud and it's the mums fault. Be firm it's a no

The Law Society won’t write you a letter of legal advice about student finance - they won’t know apart from anything else.

What exactly does the form say? Is there a definition of residence somewhere on the paperwork? That should tell you what you would need to do in theory to fulfil it. Could the maintenance start going direct to DD?

Her mother is a lawyer. I’d be making a thread in legal to find out what you could threaten to do to scupper your dsd’s mother’s career and force her to contribute.

Well if you scupper her career then she won’t be able to contribute anything.

I wouldn't personally. Why should the mother just be able to decide she doesn't want to? I do think your DP should continue to support her financially though (within means) if he can; she should still get 72% of the maintenance loan even if no one provides any financial evidence.

The loan system is slightly different because I’m in Scotland - but nobody checks anything other than income, they don’t even ask for proof of address.

I’d just do it tbh.

What financial arrangement had your DP and his ex previously agreed to support their child through university? It sounds a little like your DP is expecting his ex to support her as she has a greater income. If he won’t be able to match her contributions it makes sense for his share to be met through an increased loan based on his income??

There’s some very strange advice here.

So if neither you or her dm fill in the sfe details she will get her fees paid and the bare minimum loan which is about £3400 pa and barely covers accommodation. If her dm is a lawyer I can fairly safely assume that’s all she’d get anyway.

As for df filling it out, we have my dd’s bf living with us as there had been issues with his fairly disfunctional family. Obviously we couldn’t support him through uni, my dd’s get the minimum anyway and he couldn’t afford that. So speaking to the student finance it was too soon to declare estrangement but they said either of the parents could fill it out despite the fact that he was living with us. So they have our address and his dms details.

I would imagine across the country there are many many families doing this using the lower income, non resident parent to get the loan. However for your own peace of mind I would call student loans to discuss it first.

www.gov.uk/student-finance-calculator

Even if her mother earns £100,000 a year she's still entitled to full fees loan and partial maintenance loan (44% I think?). I think the fairest thing to do, like others have suggested, is for your DP to start giving her (the maintenance) money directly. Up to half of what she's not getting from a full loan. Her mother is responsible for the other half.

We used to have a uni expert come in to talk about student finance.
He always recommended that, if students were at both houses, choose the home with the lower income. People do it. Student Finance never used to check too carefully.

If neither parent supports the application, dsd would get the base amount.

Call the college careers department. Ask them to call SFE and ask hypothetically how closely they check ( they may already know)

For heavens sake, don't encourage her to estrange herself from her mum just for student finance.
Bonkers

PS - for your daughters application, you have to declare your partners income as well.

You are also, to the best of my knowledge, just supporting her application it doesn’t ask for details about whether she lives with you or not. So you can answer all the questions honestly.

I would write to the Law Society ( governing body of solicitors) with this exact query

Better off writing to the mother and saying "I'm concerned that what you've suggested is fraud."

If she has half a brain cell she will drop it immediately.

I'd assume that she is bound by a professional code of conduct which she is likely to be breaching with this approach. What an awful way to treat her own daughter.

Cant she take a gap year save a few k and apply from her mums with the minimum amount?

If she needs 5k top up she could save that then get a job during term time and holidays.

It will be super tight and she'd have to choose really cheap accommodation but it might be doable.

The law society is not the governing body, but the representative body.

CurlyWurlyTwirly means the Solicitors Regulation Authority.

Could your DP try discussing this with DCs Mum and just explain you aren’t comfortable.

It sounds pretty serious but I suspect this kind of thing happens quite routinely. Not that that makes it ok. But probably lower risk.

Poor DSD - a mother who obviously went to University but won’t give her daughter the same opportunity. What a cunt. If I were DSD I’d be moving in with you immediately even if it meant sleeping on the sofa and never speaking to my mother again!

Just a though (being a cynic) could this be a ploy to get you (both) to commit fraud that she could then report you for?

Sorry if this x posts, but wouldn't you have to show that she hasn't lived at her dms for a certain amount if time, much like students who apply independently?