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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childless friend only wants to meet in the afternoon

161 replies

Usernamqwerty · 26/06/2019 20:10

My DC are nearly 3 and nearly 1 and both nap in the afternoon (in car / at home). I am trying to arrange to meet a friend at the weekend (who works FT). She lives about 45 mins away and doesn't drive (we are semi-rural, 5 minute drive to the station). Am offering to meet at a park near her. Explained we would get there for around 11am, eat lunch out and then I'd have to leave around 14:30 so the kids can nap in the car.

Except she's only willing to meet in the afternoon (because she stays up late watching TV) so gets up really late. And she's always sodding late as well, sometimes up to an hour... 😩.

I said we'd be there for 11 and she said she can do 12 which will inevitably be 13:00 and then we'll only have an hour or so with her.

Every time we arrange to meet we have this issue. AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

I don't want to have a 90 minute drive for the sake of an hour 😟.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 26/06/2019 20:11

I wouldn't bother with her. How old is she, that she can't get up at a reasonable time?

arseholewednesday · 26/06/2019 20:11

I wouldn't bother meeting. She's under no obligation to fit your schedule (apart from human decency I suppose).

Also, what time do you kids go to bed

Fatted · 26/06/2019 20:14

Tell her she can come to you then and you can chat while the kids nap in bed.

As an aside, does your 3 YO still need a nap? Both of mine were well done with naps by then.

sonlypuppyfat · 26/06/2019 20:16

My friend was always like this, she'd always be late then moan that we didn't have much time together because I'd have to get back for the school run

gamerchick · 26/06/2019 20:16

Tell her she can come to you then and you can chat while the kids nap in bed

Yep

Preggosaurus9 · 26/06/2019 20:16

Maybe what she really wants to say is she wants to meet up with just you, no kids.

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/06/2019 20:17

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

YABU unreasonable. People without children are still allowed to have choice about their activities. She's a night person. Maybe she struggles with depression or insomnia. Maybe she just hates mornings. That's allowed. Your world revolves around your kids but that doesn't mean hers has to.

ScreamingValenta · 26/06/2019 20:17

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

YABU to assume this - there's no reason why her childfree state should mean she has to work around other people's children. YANBU not to bother if she is usually an hour late - habitual lateness is simply rude.

Littlemisslists · 26/06/2019 20:17

If I was meeting a friend with kids at the weekend I’d hope she wouldn’t bring the kids. Maybe she just wants to meet you?
I’d say it’s too difficult, why don’t you come to mine

Dontcarewhatimdoing · 26/06/2019 20:17

Can you not leave the DC with their Dad and meet your friend in the afternoon. You won't be able to catch up with her properly with the Dc around anyway.

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 20:18

Why doesn't she get the train, jump in a cab to yours and hang out with you whilst your kids do their thing at home? Sounds like a ball-ache to go and meet her somewhere, frankly.

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 20:20

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

This is unreasonable though.

peardrops1 · 26/06/2019 20:20

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

Yes.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 26/06/2019 20:20

I'd be more pissed off about l her being an hour late all the time.

EarlGreyOfTwinings · 26/06/2019 20:20

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

Yes, YABU

No way would I have gotten up early at the weekend to fit around someone who had kids - I made the most of not having them!

Why can't you meet after the nap if your kids are on such a strict schedule? Can't the kids nap where you are, even in their buggy if they must nap? How do you manage to do anything if they have to be in the car or in their bed?

Can't she just take public transport and you pick her up from the nearest station? I would have a friend staying overnight, makes life so much easier.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/06/2019 20:22

Yes OP, you're having kids, the very fruitfulness of your womb means that your needs trump hers.

How long do the kids nap for? Can you arrange to meet after that?
If their Dad is around could you meet her without them?
If the kids are running around the park, will they get tired and grumpy or will they just keep going until you put them in the car?
Can she come to you and then they can nap as usual?

Celebelly · 26/06/2019 20:22

It seems like your schedules are just incompatible - one isn't more important than the other. Agree that she should just come to you for lunch or something.

MotherTime3 · 26/06/2019 20:24

I had a friend who would try to rearrange plans half an hour before meeting due to her daughter being asleep. It was annoying because I also had kids, and we were expected to fit her schedule. She would also expect us to travel to her, and give us one hour time slots when it was convenient. She was a nightmare.
Whilst it’s unreasonable to expect others to live around your child’s routine, she doesn’t sound at all flexible, and you are offering more travel, so I wouldn’t bother going.

Bluerussian · 26/06/2019 20:24

If it isn't convenient for you, you can't do it. Don't worry about it.
Perhaps you could meet up over a weekend and your husband mind the kids or she could come to yours one day in the afternoon.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 26/06/2019 20:24

Why dont you meet at 3 and let them nap in the car on the way there

Biancadelrioisback · 26/06/2019 20:25

YABU. Why should she schedule her weekend around your children's nap time? Do you expect others with kids to change their nap times to suit you too?

IceRebel · 26/06/2019 20:26

(because she stays up late watching TV)

This seems very judgey, she works full time, chances are she's up at 7am Monday - Friday. So wanting a lie in when you've had a tiring week at work doesn't seem unreasonable.

Sunshine1235 · 26/06/2019 20:27

Mostly just commenting to that your 3 year old has a 2.30 nap! What time do they go to bed? My 1 yr old has to be up by 1.30 or bed time is a nightmare and my 3 yr old would be awake all night if I let him have a nap that late (or any time really). I’m jealous

In regards to your actual question I guess it depends how much you want to maintain the friendship. She’s obviously not willing to compromise her day much so you have to decide if you’re willing to compromise yours, if not then just let the friendship go or wait until you’ve passed this life stage and reconnect then

BrightYellowDaffodil · 26/06/2019 20:29

AIBU to assume that someone without kids should try and fit in with someone's kids' schedule?

Yes. Very. Childfree people have lives and priorities too, you know.

Maybe she's trying to be helpful by suggesting the afternoon because she thinks it will be easier for you. Maybe it's just easier for her. But please don't expect that you have automatic priority because you have children and she doesn't - if nothing else, you don't know what else is going on in her life.

Tartsamazeballs · 26/06/2019 20:30

Have you got a double buggy? Just chuck them in there for a nap. I've got a kid who's 2 years and 8 month and he has 3-4 hour naps, I don't let myself be beholden to them- if he wants to sleep he can do it out and about

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