To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

I wouldn't do it. My passenger seat was damaged giving someone a lift, I'd had the car less than three weeks, it has a permanent ridge in it now.

Are you sure they don't qualify for hospital transport? I've heard various people say this over the years but when I've offered to phone up and sort it for them they've back-tracked. It's usually been because they don't actually like using the hospital transport as they have to be ready early in the morning and the transport is picking up multiple patients so it makes it a long day.

If it's okay for a normal sized car to carry morbidly obese people why are the hospitals using special bariatric vehicles?

Your attitude is disgusting
@ChequerBoard please can you explain why?

Wow. Has this thread been set up to check out the vote button?

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable here and I am an overweight person who hates fat shaming.

I don't think you are fat shaming. You are expressing a perfectly logical concern about whether or not your car would be able to cope with this amount of weight being concentrated on one wheel.

Why are some people here apparently incapable of understanding that the issue is weight distribution, not just total payload. It should be reasonably evenly distributed, especially in vehicles without specifically strengthened and adapted suspension.

Don't do this, awkward as it may be if he does actually ask. Be busy with prior engagements on the day. You could be asked again and again if you do give the lift.

I do feel empathy for this man, but I understand your concern too and it is legitimate. He may have to call hospital transport again and again to try and pressure them into providing a suitable vehicle.

Has it really got to the stage that some people are so sensitive about weight that a perfect valid question about whether a passenger seat in a car can take thirty plus stone and the asker is roundly attacked? They should just take the chance and hope their car isn't damaged?

It's beyond ludicrous and some people really need to take a deep breath and think about why they are behaving so viciously in light of a valid question.

Look up Red Cross transport or local community transport in your area and give him the details. It is for those who do not have easy access to public transport or are elderly /disabled etc. Not sure about just being obese, if he is otherwise independently mobile. I have used this while unable to drive myself. You pay a mileage charge but it's cheaper than a taxi.

Thank you @Bluntness100. I thought it was a valid question but clearly not!

Is this a wind up?

The thing is someone who is very overweight is more likely to have health problems, so if you offer this time, they will ask again. And before you know it, it could be a regular thing, and that would definitely damage your car. They haven't asked - don't offer, it's not your responsibility

I wouldn't give him a lift if I could possibly get out of it.

YANBU but, the hospital must have some way of getting them there surely?? Can they not visit them at home??

YANBU OP.

One thing my therapist taught me is that you can say no and don't have to be nice to everyone.

Tbf to the OP, my husband struggled with a colleague who sounds similar. The seatbelt wouldn't go round him. I'm not anti fat, being a good size18/20 myself.

I gave two 20 stone friends a lift back to London in my car once with two other overweight adults me included and my car was fucked.
Suspension went.

So don’t think my car would be happy with 30 stone in the front seat.

This is something that I have long wanted to know.
To all the people saying 30 stones plus is too heavy in one seat, at what point do you become concerned? When someone is 15 stones? 20 stones? Or only for people 30 stones plus?
Is it only your car that you're uncomfortable taking large people in? Or do you have concerns about heavier people sitting at your dining table? On your sofa? Using your toilet? Staying overnight in your guest room?

If none of those, why do you think your car will struggle?
I'm genuinely interested.

YANBU. Doubt he'd damage the car, but you don't have to give anyone a lift if you don't want to.

Is it only your car that you're uncomfortable taking large people in? Or do you have concerns about heavier people sitting at your dining table? On your sofa? Using your toilet? Staying overnight in your guest room?
If none of those, why do you think your car will struggle?
I'm genuinely interested

That's a fair point @Bagofworries.
I guess I wouldn't worry about a dining chair because if it got damaged it's easily repaired or replaced. I've never really thought about a toilet or a bed because it's never arisen.

If a heavy person broke my toilet seat that a quick cheap fix. If s/he broke the toilet itself then it would be obvious straight away and you could ask them to pay or hopefully they would offer to.

I dont know much about cars (clearly!) My concern was that a heavy weight on one corner might damage the suspension/bearings but it not be immediately apparent. So I would end up with a costly repair bill.

You sound like a nice person OP who often helps others out. Can't help otherwise other than to say I wouldn't risk it

Please don't send them to a community car transport unless they have specialist vehicles. Most are volunteers who use their own cars so this would just pass the problem on , probably to someone isn't aware and won't find out until they arrive to pick the passenger up.

Their are companies who have specialist cars and the hospital should really provide an option.

I wont recommend community transport to him - I wouldn't want anyone else to be in this position.

I will suggest to him that he asks about hospital transport again. He says they've said he's not eligible but I do wonder if he's actually asked.

If he really cant get there any other way then I'll probably take him.but ask.him to sit in the back and wont do it if the seatbelt doesn't fit.

How many seat belts are there in your car??
Assuming it’s four, and you have a boot?? A space for a roof rack ?? YABU and frankly sound a little bit dim.

I have no idea why having 4 seatbelts and a boot makes me sound dim! Please explain.