To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

I will suggest to him that he asks about hospital transport again. He says they've said he's not eligible but I do wonder if he's actually asked

I confess I'd wondered the same. It's very easy to brush off suggestions if there's a possibility of someone else stepping in, with one lift often turning into an expectation of many more - and quite apart from car damage issues, you may or may not welcome that with someone who's an acquaintance rather than a close friend

If it helps I organised this for my late, ex MIL, and while some areas ask that you apply via the GP, many others (like ours) let you call the Patient Transport Services direct. I've just checked a few for you, and the relevant criteria nearly all include "the patient’s medical condition impacts on their mobility to such an extent that they would be unable to access healthcare and/or it would be detrimental to the patient’s condition or recovery to travel by other means"

I'd very much expect that to include someone who couldn't get into / travel safely in a car, so perhaps it might help you in finding out what he's done for himself?

The weight of 4 people and whatever you may carry in your boot, whatever you may carry on a roof rack all add to the weight is what I meant.
Apologies reading that back I am rather unkind.
I just mean your car has the capacity to carry a lot of of weight.

@yesicancancan

If you read the whole thread you'd know that I am perfectly well aware that my car can carry 4 x 10 stone adults without any problems. As I have said repeatedly, my concern is having someone who weighs over 30 stone sitting in one seat and putting force on that corner of the car.

Please can you explain why this makes me dim?

Get him to lie across the back seat.

To all the people saying 30 stones plus is too heavy in one seat, at what point do you become concerned? When someone is 15 stones? 20 stones? Or only for people 30 stones plus?
I'd probably make an excuse not to take someone over 15 stone in my car. 15 stone is only a healthy weight if you are over about 6ft 5, I would be concerned about driving with someone that heavy in one seat of my four seat, 1.0 litre car.

Oh for goodness sake! In the US they send round specially reinforced hospital transportation for someone who is 50stone plus, why should the OP feel obliged to take someone this size to the hospital.

He needs specialist transportation... not some nice kindly person who is going to risk the suspension going on her car because she is being kind to hik

Sorry, Emma - I should have added that one of the disadvantages of Patient Transport is that they expect you to be ready fairly early and hang around for your pick-up - you then share the vehicle with others who are using the service and hang around again after your appointment, when the whole thing's done in reverse

Naturally it can make for a fairly long day, and I just wonder if he knows this and simply fancies his own personal service instead?

I would outright refuse to take anyone without a seatbelt on.

@WindsweptEgret I definitely wont take him if he cant use a seatbelt.

@Puzzledandpissedoff that has occurred to me!

Thank you to all the people who have responded kindly, whether you think IABU or not - and the majority seem to think i am.

However, it's quite hard to read posts accusing me of being fat-shaming, having dreadful attitude or just being "a little bit dim". I know MN can be a harsh place but I'm not sure my post merited the level of vitriol which some posters have aimed at me.

@EmmaGrundyForPM

You asked a valid question and received a inordinate amount of snarky replies - this forum doesn't bring out the best in people at times.

You, however, sound like a thoughtful person. I hope your acquaintance manages to find a lift that doesn't involve your car!

Thank you @Tonkabear

I'm not sure my post merited the level of vitriol which some posters have aimed at me

It didn't, Emma - but you raised the spectre of that other "F word" (even though you didn't actually use it yourself) and as you're finding out, some on here simply won't tolerate that at any price

Yes I'm starting to realise that !

My experience is that the car will handle differently. I stalled pulling away from a roundabout because I didn't put enough gas on to compensate.

@yesicancancan

Did you mean to sound so rude?

Don't do it.

There are some unbelievably arsey replies on here. It’s a legitimate concern to wonder about the viability of carrying someone who by any measure is way over any normal human weight in an ordinary car. Even though the basic fabric of the car can obviously cope, concerns about seats, seat belts and so on are entirely legitimate. That’s just fact, not prejudice or shaming.

Could you ask your mechanic next time you see him /her?

@WindsweptEgret - you’d refuse a lift to anyone over 15 stones, to protect your car? My DP is a professional rugby player, and is almost 17 stones. I can assure you that he’s not fat, nor damaging my car!

Just give an excuse OP "Awh sorry I would have given you a lift but I'm not going that way on that date". I did car share with a very overweight colleague (I don't know how much She weighed tbh). We car shared every other week. Within the year my car failed MOT as the suspension had gone.

It cost me much more than I could afford to buy a new car, and years to pay it off. You are not fat shaming OP. You ask a very valid question

This is a funny thread. Assuming you’re for real, no a 30 stone person is unlikely to damage your car on a once off. Your suspension is capable of handling hundreds of kilos and at speed. A Nissan micra for instance has 125lb/inch suspension springs. That means 125lb will lower ONE suspension spring 1 inch. So your fat friend weighs 420lb will cause a Nissan micra to lower by approx 3.5inches, if he managed to sit on one spring only.

Given as his huge fat backside is unlikely to constitute a point load (it being big and fat and wide), and he’s unlikely to shove a suspension spring up his big fat arsehole, and that your car is liable to have things like axels that distribute loads over multiple wheels, then yes, I think you might notice the car roll and inch or two, but it’ll be fine.

If you’re actually still worried, then drive slowly. Ideally honking your horn every minute with a big sign saying “fatty transport here, shame the people in your life. Transport £10, shame free.”

hidden bravo

Your post did not merit the vitriol. You aren't fat shaming either.

Unfortunately, you just ended up copping responses from some tests, who just can't wait to stick the knife in at any opportunity.

Tests should read twats, by the way. That was autocorrect.