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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

295 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/06/2019 22:23

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 28/06/2019 13:23

I'm probably seeing him at an event tomorrow. I will ask him if he's got a lift and, if he hasn't, suggest he tries hospital transport again. As I said, I suspect he hasn't actually tried them at all yet.

It's difficult because I have no issue with giving people lifts if I'm going the same way. I think car sharing is great, I'm conscious that I live rurally and that transport to places is a nightmare if you dont have your own car. I try to be a good neighbour when I can.

Even if people do qualify for hospital transport I've taken them before. It takes me 40 minutes to get to the hospital. If they get transport there it goes round all the villages picking people up. Sometimes you can be on the ambulance for 2+ hours which is an issue if you worry about your continence. There is one lady I give a lift to sometimes, she would rather get to hospital early and have a cuppa there than sit in the hospital transport for 2 hours. I get that.

Lots of people here have said IABU and that my car will be fine so if he really cant get hospital transport then I'll almost certainly offer but hopefully it wont come to that.

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 28/06/2019 13:38

This man is probably going to have serious chronic health problems, you are offering yourself up as his go to person for hospital transport

Whosorrynow · 28/06/2019 13:39

The people telling you that your car will be fine are people who have been trying to fat-shame shame you

Hazza000 · 28/06/2019 13:41

Yes quite possibly but would be uneven weight concentration as opposed to four ppl all sitting in a car

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/06/2019 13:47

I try to be a good neighbour when I can

I'd say that comes across very clearly

As a matter of interest, does this guy know about the lifts you give the other lady? I'm just wondering if you've got a "me too" thing going on here ... and for that matter whether it's wise to raise the subject again yourself? It's absolutely your decision to make of course, but remember that a simple "I'm afraid I'm not free on that day" can solve a lot

BigChocFrenzy · 28/06/2019 14:23

30 stone = 190 kg
Since he is known to be over 30 stone, he's probably 200kg+

all in just one corner of your passenger compartment, (which iirc your vehicle manual says can take 500kg total there?)

Discussed this yesterday at work over lunch - we're scientists and engineers;
I've a STEM PhD, with 30 years development work mostly in the automotive and aerospace sectors
100 years total experience between us of working for automative OEMs and Tier 1 suppliers, developing new vehicles and automotive tech

My opinion, endorsed by colleagues:
We can't say what would happen to your car when you use it for a purpose it wasn't designed to withstand

and no mass market vehicle is specifically designed for a 200 kg passenger
Vehicles are designed - and tested - for a range of standard occupant sizes, but the maximum size is the "95th percentile male," weighing 100kg

Your neighbour needs specially adapted / designed transport, so that he and the other occupants can travel in safety and comfort.

Possible areas of concern are: seat, seat fixings, suspension, safety systems;
also any handgrip he uses to get into the car might tear away from its fittings

The suspension might be over-stressed by the unbalanced weight when you turn corners, hit a pothole etc or brake sharply etc

In the case of sharp braking / accident - concern for: seatbelt anchorages & restraint system, seat, head support, airbags.

In fact, since his size would bring him too close to any airbags, he would likely be struck by them before they have inflated fully and possibly injured from that.
The restraints system might not hold him properly in place, as they are designed to restrain much lighter people

A massive modern SUV wouldn't be developed for a 200kg passenger either, but it would inherently have much more safety margin for high loads
Your car is old and medium-sized

Also, once a vehicle is several years old, it might have developed tiny defects that don't matter in normal use,
but under extreme loading - which travelling with a 200 kg oassenger is - could cause those components, if stressed, to be noticeably damaged

You might get away with it once or 20 times, or you might see damage after the first trip
Personally, I'd avoid doing such a risky favour, which could go wrong for you both.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 28/06/2019 15:10

I wouldn't offer. He is just done bloke you know, not a close friend. He's not your responsibility - for him getting a lift from you is easier than sorting his own arrangements. For you though, it risks your car. If he can't afford a taxi he's not going to be able to afford to fix your suspension.

QueenofPain · 28/06/2019 15:15

This is like something off an episode of postman pat or peppa pig.

CottonSock · 28/06/2019 15:21

Op, your response above is spot on. You are not a bariatric ambulance. Stay well clear.

cheesytoasters · 28/06/2019 15:28

Shocked to see that people have said this is fat shaming...isn't it just down to science?

I think bigchoc has nailed it here.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 28/06/2019 20:47

Thank you @BigChoc that is really helpful.

And thank you to all of you who have replied to me kindly, whether or not you think IABU. I'd forgotten how poisonous AIBU can be sometimes!

OP posts:
PonderingPanda · 29/06/2019 11:13

So what are you going to do now?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 29/06/2019 12:12

@PonderingPanda as I said in my previous post

Lots of people here have said IABU and that my car will be fine so if he really cant get hospital transport then I'll almost certainly offer but hopefully it wont come to that.

OP posts:
PonderingPanda · 29/06/2019 13:50

So even after reading BigChocFrenzy post you're still going to do it?

Topseyt · 30/06/2019 03:34

I thought the BigChocFrenzy post explained it very well and can't see why you would still consider offering at all, but you seem to be contemplating it.

Don't. Your car isn't designed for it and has the potential to sustain damage from it. Why would you take that risk? This man needs specialist transport and your car cannot provide that.

Plenty of us have said that you were not being unreasonable. Why risk your car? They are expensive to repair and replace.

PonderingPanda · 30/06/2019 07:04

@Topseyt - because she considers herself "a good neighbour". I too consider myself a good neighbour but not at the expense of myself.

What's the point in starting this thread asking about car load if you're not actually going to heed the advice of the many posters who have experience this situation?

Also... l wouldn't worry about the seatbelt not fitting round him as it would probably fail in an accident anyway..... so if he's in the back you'll be dead as he hits into your seat or at best seriously injured.

BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour · 30/06/2019 08:31

I wouldn't bring the topic up with him at all. I'd be worried about seatbelts and it becoming a regular thing.

BjornAgain81 · 01/07/2019 23:01

Is a trailer an option?

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 01/07/2019 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour · 02/07/2019 06:54

OP is fine. Forty minutes in a car with an unrestrained passenger weighing thirty stone is not a good idea.

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