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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

295 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/06/2019 22:23

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

OP posts:

hiddenmnetter · 27/06/2019 04:32

Your post did not merit the vitriol. You aren't fat shaming either.

Yes it did. It was naive at best to think that even an exceptionally heavy person was going to damage the suspension on a 1.5 tonne vehicle with suspension designed to handle between 2 and 2.5 tonnes. Imagine how much force strikes the suspension of your car when you hit a pothole. Also, even though more of the weight will be on one wheel, cars have bodies and axels that distribute force and weight to the other wheels.

Or do you go into houses with suspended floors constantly paranoid that you’ll fall through? No- of course not. They’re engineered to distribute weight. The same as a car- it is engineered to distribute force. Otherwise the most minor impact would ruin a car.

Yes, of course over time a consistent 30 stone passenger will increase the wear on your vehicle, but for a one off? Hardly. That’s why people are sure that this thread is about fat shaming rather than a genuine question about the forces applied to suspension designed to withstand vastly higher weights and forces imposed by a 30 stone passenger.

catinboots99 · 27/06/2019 04:34

This exact thread has been done before

BigChocFrenzy · 27/06/2019 04:51

YANBU, OP
and you have NOT fat-shamed
but some posters hve been quite vicious towards you

A couple of posters have criticised the man for getting that fat, but you didn't

Personally, I would not risk it.

The hospital should have professional transport available for those of his size.
It may be inconvenient for him and embarassing to ask, but it would be far more embarassing for you to ask him to pay for damage - and of course you can't really do that

"It was naive at best to think that even an exceptionally heavy person was going to damage the suspension on a 1.5 tonne vehicle with suspension designed to handle between 2 and 2.5 tonnes"

and yet, several people have posted about how their car has indeed been damaged in this way:
seat, upholstery, suspension etc

And a normal vehicle is NOT designed to transport 2-2.5 tonnes load.

The OP has stated her vehicle, according to its manual, can only carry a few hundred kg in the passenger compartment

As has been said repeatedly, a load of over 30 stone - and we don't know how much over - has very different effects, depending on how it is distributed over the area of the car,
whether it is all in one seat, or over several seats

transformandriseup · 27/06/2019 05:03

A 30 stone man was staying at my friends house and her bath came away from the wall while he was in it. I think the OP has a right to be concerned.

hiddenmnetter · 27/06/2019 05:03

I never said they were designed to carry a 2.5 tonne load, I said that suspension systems were designed to tolerate loads of 2-2.5 tonnes, 1.5 of which would be the weight of the vehicle itself.

and yet, several people have posted about how their car has indeed been damaged in this way: seat, upholstery, suspension etc

And I’ll call bollocks on that. Damage to a seat or upholstery I could potentially see (although I suspect it more likely that the upholstery was worn or the seat damaged or defective already). Damage to suspension from a 30stone load? Nup; don’t believe it. The springs will tolerate significantly more weight. They will tolerate several hundred kg’s in excess of the weight of the vehicle EACH. They have to be designed this way, because the kinetic force applied to a vehicle in motion far far exceeds the force applied by one heavy passenger.

Put 30 stone in your car- see how many inches the suspension lowers. See how much the tyres bulge. Now compare that against the bang you hear when you hit a pothole- that is your tyre compressing all the way to the rim. Force far, far beyond the weight of a heavy passenger, and yet most of the time it doesn’t break the suspension, or wheels, or shocks.

To give an idea, my van (Hyundai i800) has 4 springs with 160lb/inch spring rate. I can put 8 adults, with luggage into that car (and I did for our last holiday a month ago). That was near on 700-800kg of adults. By the time luggage (including bikes) were loaded on, that car easily had an additional tonne load on it. It was fine.

OP said she had a sturdy but old car (I’m guessing a small sedan like a Toyota Camry?) so will have suspension with a spring rate of 140-150 lb/in. There is just no question that for a one off journey her car would have been absolutely fine.

curiositycreature · 27/06/2019 05:04

Well didn’t that get mean.

I love how OP is “fat shaming” when she’s really asking a question about mechanics (maybe she should have lied and claimed she was moving 30st worth of bathroom tiles in one seat instead?) but no one has criticised the surgeon who says the chap is too overweight to perform surgery. HOW VERY DARE HE.

WindsweptEgret · 27/06/2019 05:23

@HollaHolla, I regularly give people lifts in my car and I know how it handles extra weight. It's different driving with just two 12 stone men on the passenger side, then there's petrol and wear and tear on my car. I don't have to give anyone a lift!

redcarbluecar · 27/06/2019 05:36

Assuming that the person will fit in your car, I don’t think you have much to worry about from a one-off journey.

feelingverylazytoday · 27/06/2019 06:09

Surprised you haven't been called a cunt yet OP. That's what usually happens on this kind of thread. This forum has a ridiculous attitude to discussing obesity.
No YANBU. It's your car and if you think it might get damaged then you're well within your rights not to offer (not that you're obligated to offer lifts to anyone).

Di11y · 27/06/2019 06:29

could he go in the middle in the back? or opposite side to you in the back? would distribute the weight better. I'm sure if you drive carefully it would be ok as a one off.

cptartapp · 27/06/2019 06:31

I don't believe he isn't eligible for hospital transport. What's the reason?
I also think it won't be the last appt and he should get a taxi. It's rude to have been dropping hints about a lift. Don't get involved.

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 27/06/2019 06:52

Thank you to those who are replying kindly.

To those who are accusing me of fat-shaming, I have not described this person as being fat or obese. You have. I've not described him in negative terms. You have. I dont see why it's fat shaming to query whether a car can take that load on one seat when I know that hospitals use bariatric beds and transport for people of a similar size because the standard beds and transport aren't appropriate.

I get that I am not up to speed with mechanics and forces and so maybe my question was naive, but it was a genuine question. I'm sometimes asked questions by people who dont know something which to me seems obvious but I try to explain straightforwardly rather than calling people dim or stupid cor not knowing something which seems obvious to me, or accusing them of winding me up for pretending not to know.

As a pop said, some people can't resist sticking the knife in.

OP posts:

Weezol · 27/06/2019 07:07

Forget the weight thing for a minute - this is a vague aquaintance hinting for a lift that risks becoming a semi-regular thing. On those grounds alone, I'd swerve it.

While it's nice to be nice, it's important to have some boundaries in place on occasion.

ThighsRelief · 27/06/2019 07:10

Emma surely your garage would be better placed to advise you than AIBU.

Dotty1970 · 27/06/2019 07:14

He could go on the back seat but with no seat belt if you had an accident you'd definitely be toast....

merrymouse · 27/06/2019 07:20

Regardless of weight, if they can't wear a seat belt, they need hospital transportation.

PonderingPanda · 27/06/2019 07:55

After reading this thread, l wouldn't offer at all.

I can't afford expensive repairs to my car that aren't of my doing and if he can't afford a taxi, then he won't pay for repairs either.

Safety wise, the seatbelt would be a huge concern as would my ability to change gears etc.

My other concern would be the state of the road i.e potholes and speed bumps. Speed bumps can cause damage to cars without extra weight (several colleagues cars were affected by our hospitals bumps as they were illegally high).

Also, if you do this once will the expectation be there to do it again. Currently he is only hinting but if you do it, then he may feel he can ask outright next time.

lboogy · 27/06/2019 10:20

It's not just the weight of the person is it? It's their width. The front seat would be impossible because they'd be spread out across the driver's side making it difficult to change gears

In the back maybe but again they'd be spread across the back and their width would make them come forward towards the back of the passenger seat so you'd have that seat pushed all the way to the front of the car

I'm struggling to understand why a 30 stone person can't get hospital transport.

merrymouse · 27/06/2019 11:09

If they can't wear a seat belt I think safety wise this is the equivalent of being asked to give a quick lift to a toddler without a car seat. I wouldn't do it.

Whosorrynow · 27/06/2019 11:53

Imagine if there was an accident and a 30 stone person is unrestrained in the vehicle, I presume that crash test dummies are all based on 11/ 12 stone person's?

Whosorrynow · 27/06/2019 11:57

Hinting for lifts is also a red flag it suggest someone who is a bit manipulative and will try and guilt you into helping.
really this person is a specialist case and you're putting yourself at risk if you take him on

feelingverylazytoday · 27/06/2019 13:04

There's no way I would ever allow anyone in my car without a seatbelt, not after seeing that horrible advert where the son crushed his mother to death because he wasn't wearing a seat belt. That really stuck in my mind. If you're too big to wear a seat belt you're putting other people at risk, not just the people in the car but other road users as well.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/06/2019 14:49

no one has criticised the surgeon who says the chap is too overweight to perform surgery

Ssssshhhhh!!! ^ ... given the abuse HCPs also get on here if they so much as mention weight, I though many had overlooked that bit in favour of blasting OP

I'm also with Weezol on this, in that even if the acquaintance weighed 8 stone wet through, there's still the issue of expectations. OP suggested he may indeed just prefer his own personal driver to hanging around for hospital transport, and that's not necessarily a good thing to encourage

Original poster

EmmaGrundyForPM · 27/06/2019 16:31

I really wouldn't taking anyone who didn't wear a seatbelt.

OP posts:

PonderingPanda · 28/06/2019 06:24

What have you decided to do @EmmaGrundyForPM ?

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