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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

295 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/06/2019 22:23

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

OP posts:
squee123 · 25/06/2019 23:40

I'm not sure it is as simple as dividing it by 4. Presumably in most cars the majority of the weight is at the front as it tends to be adults up front, kids at the back.
I would give your local dealership for that car a buzz and ask. Even if it is old they should be able advise in general terms.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 25/06/2019 23:42

I'm pretty small so notice the difference in the way the car responds with adult passengers inside, certainly on my older mid-sized cars anyway.

I was 12st when I reached the state of pregnancy where I could no longer get behind the steering wheel and have any hope of reaching the pedals! Admittedly 7lbs of human in his personal swimming pool sticking out of your abdomen is a different distribution of body mass to being generally obese.

It is a lot of weight to be concentrated in one seat/ area and different to 3 10st people spread evenly.

needsomesleepy · 25/06/2019 23:42

Er, no, I'm someone who's worried about a considerable amount of weight being over one wheel of my car.

I think you have bigger concerns than the weight of this person if your cheek is under the passenger seat Grin

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/06/2019 23:43

@DishingOutDone I've never given him a lift before. I took his partner to a supermarket once but shes not obese. I really am not getting these references, please can you explain?

OP posts:
llangennith · 25/06/2019 23:44

I'm very overweight though nowhere near 30st and no I wouldn't give him a lift.
Make whatever excuse you like but don't risk your car. He can get a taxi.

1Wildheartsease · 25/06/2019 23:45

@EmmaGrundyForPM even if the information hasn't been published for us, the seats will have been designed to carry up to a certain weight. This is a question for the car manufacturer.

KevinKeegansPerm · 26/06/2019 00:14

Just stick him in a trailer and tow him there OP. Problem solved.Hmm

KittyWindbag · 26/06/2019 00:23

I have a friend who is about 25 stone and my husband used to object (privately) to giving him a lift. At the time the car we had was a two door convertible and when he got in the car very noticeably weighed down on one side. I asked my husband to please not refuse him a lift because it would have been mortifying and it was only occasionally that he needed a lift. So I don’t know what the answer is because it’s horrible and rude to not offer someone a ride to hospital when they need it. But I also remember the way our car reacted and how worried my husband was. I think occasionally it should be fine? Cars are Fucking strong right?

managedmis · 26/06/2019 00:25

Why is this your problem BTW?

Snidpan · 26/06/2019 00:33

I think they cars that don't explode when a big fella gets in. Stop worrying.

bellsbuss · 26/06/2019 00:37

I can understand your concern , some taxi companies are now refusing people who weigh that much due to the damage it can cause to cars.

Screamanger · 26/06/2019 00:46

A 2009 Ford Fiesta has a max load of 141stone.

The load capacity of cars is not as much as people think

timeisnotaline · 26/06/2019 00:51

I dunno. It’s 4 of me, or 2 of a solid man. I’ve seen enough occasions with one guy squeezed into another guys lap that the car could handle it. You’d notice it, but we notice the car is heavier packed for the beach week and have never once thought we prob shouldn’t go to the beach.

SynchroSwimmer · 26/06/2019 01:13

I helped someone in a similar way when asked, also with a hospital run.

I was however surprised, and din’t expect it - but due to the persons size, I couldn’t access the gearstick properly to change gears...

CaptainJaneway62 · 26/06/2019 01:16

It's not safe to have him as a front passenger
The chances are the seat belt will not fit around him.
His mass will probably encroach on your gear stick or handbrake.
The only way would be for him to sit in the back in the middle to distribute his weight evenly.
But if you did refuse because you don't feel comfortable doing it then YANBU either.

Redglitter · 26/06/2019 01:16

Why did he let him self get so fat

Wtf has that got to do with anything

CaptainJaneway62 · 26/06/2019 01:18

cross post with you SynchroSwimmer

BustedDreams · 26/06/2019 02:22

For the people saying it’s no difference in carrying one heavier person versus 4 lighter people. There is a difference. It’s to do with weight placement and balancing.

The ambulance service have larger vehicles to transport very obese patients.

I have personal experience of this very dilemma; I gave a very large person a lift in my metro. Cue broken suspension on the side they sat at.

YANBU!!!!!

expat101 · 26/06/2019 02:45

It might not always be about the weight either. I mentioned on another thread that Mum is a size 24 and over 107 kilos.

When Mum used to be more upright, when she was about to sit down, it wasn't a sit-down but along the lines of a complete flop. No control at all in the legs.

Hubby had to reinforce their dining table chairs with tek screws as they were starting to come apart, and whether it was just a coincidence or not, the shock absorbers on the passenger side of M & D's hatch went first on her side of the car... which was funny at the time, as the car seemed to ''move'' an inch or so when she would drop into the seat.

Beautiful3 · 26/06/2019 04:37

That's a difficult one. I'd be worried about that weight in one area too 4 adults spread out is different to one 30 stone person. Can she not get a taxi there? If you do give a lift and it does affect the car, how do you refuse further lifts?

joystir59 · 26/06/2019 05:00

He hasn't asked for a lift so don't offer. He needs to ask the hospital again

SherlockSays · 26/06/2019 05:31

This would never even cross my mind Confused

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2019 06:00

"So I've looked at the total.load limit for passengers and divided it by 4 which gives just over 93kg per seat.
Presumably there woukd also be an expectation that some of the load would be in the boot?

Apolloanddaphne · 26/06/2019 06:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable here. I know when my DH brings home heavy garden stuff in our car he is careful to spread the load evenly so as not to cause damage. I would be worried about that amount of weight over one wheel in my car.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/06/2019 06:09

There's a separate load limit for the boot.

Most people on here think IABU. I think I'll suggest to him again to explore the hospital transport option and then, if he still can't get that, I'll offer him a lift.

OP posts:
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