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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give someone a lift because of their weight?

295 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/06/2019 22:23

Someone I know is struggling to get to a hospital appointment. They dont qualify for hospital transport. We live rurally so public transport is limited.

I work near the hospital and they have strongly hinted that they would really appreciate a lift there. Normally I would be happy to offer. However, this person is very overweight. I dont know exactly how much he weighs but I know it's over 30 stone. I'm concerned about whether my car can take the weight. But maybe it can? I don't want to refuse if it wont damage my car.

WIBU to make an excuse to not give a lift?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/06/2019 06:21

Just call the manufacturer,,they will have a tech help desk they will put you through to.

And I don't know why some people are getting so upset. It's a valid question, thirty plus Stone is a lot in one area of rhe car and could potentially damage the suspension.

doesthiseemright · 26/06/2019 06:32

My first thought, when reading this, was that the post was dreadful sizeism/fatphobia.
Now I think - this is just "someone you know". No matter what size they are, if you don't feel comfortable giving the person a lift then don't. It is his responsibility to get there, not yours.
Don't make his problem your problem.
Just say sorry you cant and move on.

NewPapaGuinea · 26/06/2019 06:37

How does he get anywhere at all?

Alwayscheerful · 26/06/2019 07:08

Leather seats in particular seem to wear on the door side or collapse under heavy weights. It would be a no from me I wouldn't buy a car with a worn edge on the drivers side or the passenger side. I suspect suspension might be affected too, especially on smaller cars.

Teenagemaw · 26/06/2019 07:30

A 30+ stone person broke my people carrier swinging in using the handle broke that then broke part of the front suspension as he swung in and landed with a thump due to not being able to lower himself in. Cost me 400 to fix. Dont do it op!!

smallereveryday · 26/06/2019 07:31

I really don't get all the snippy remarks treating the OP either as some sort of imbecile or 'fatphobic'. It just sums up MN at the moment as a place to come and score points off of another person. The question OP has asked is entirely sensible and shows she is a kind thoughtful human being-who wants to be helpful but not a personal cost of damage to her car !

OP - your question is a logical one. The weight limit divided by 4 gives you 93kg. about half the weight of your neighbour. I would suggest that you offer a lift if he is prepared to sit in the middle of the back seat... but probably make it a one off.
I also do not think it beyond the pale to tell him why. Prior to Bariatric surgery I was 20stone. This wasn't a surprise to me. I already knew it and wouldn't have been at all offended by someone trying to assist me.

BogglesGoggles · 26/06/2019 07:37

Honestly it’s impossible to say without knowing what car you have. If it’s a brand new Range Rover you will be just fine. If it’s a twenty year old corsa I would think twice.

Encorecockerel · 26/06/2019 07:37

Love all the smug people laughing at the OP about weight limits. Completely gone over your head that a man literally the weight of a baby elephant would damage the suspension of her car if all that weight was sat over one wheel.

God, mumsnet is FULL of insufferable know it alls sometimes.

twitchyboo · 26/06/2019 07:38

YANBU OP. I don't get all the snarky comments either. Anybody would think you get gold stars or sparkly stickers for joining a special OP beating club.. Talk about jumping on the bandwagon! I wouldn't be happy with it either OP. Just say no. People don't simply say no enough!

ifonly4 · 26/06/2019 07:44

I have a lovely colleague whose very overweight, one of the nicest people I'll meet in my life. He's picked up from work by family, who have a much larger car than us and I've watched him struggle to get in. He has to sort of hold onto the roof for support and slowly squeeze himself in. We haven't got much leg room in our small car and I honestly don't think he'd fit.

To be honest I'd also be a bit concerned about how much weight could be on one part of the car, especially as we have suspension problems (lots of creaking which two garages can't work out).

BjornAgain81 · 26/06/2019 07:47

I paid the best part of a grand to have a bucket seat replaced after my massive friend squashed it out of shape, so it'd be a no from me I'm afraid.

ambereeree · 26/06/2019 07:47

I would be concerned about suspension and disproportionate amount of weight in one seat. 4 fat people spread the weight evenly.

cptartapp · 26/06/2019 07:50

You live near the hospital and they live rurally, so this isn't massively convenient for you? Are they a good friend?
If not, can't they get a taxi? My concern wouldn't be their weight but setting a precedent. How many more appointments will there be? And who will be expected to facilitate them?

MonstranceClock · 26/06/2019 07:52

No way! Yanbu!

merrymouse · 26/06/2019 07:53

It may be legal to travel without a seatbelt, but is it safe, particularly for the driver if the passenger is on the back seat?

BarryBarryTaylor · 26/06/2019 07:53

You don’t have to give him a lift, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but don’t make it about your car, I’m sure it will survive.

Onescaredmuma · 26/06/2019 07:53

Actually I see the OPs point I had a tiny car and gave a very overweight person a lift I was so embarrassed when I couldn't get up a hill it was quite a small hill and fairly steep but nothing to extreme. I had to go into 1st gear and actually started to slide backward at one point. I'd only been driving a few months I was really scared.

Also people that are saying it's the same as 3 10 stone people, it really isn't it's all about weight distribution the 3 10 stone people wouldn't be sitting on each others knees.

adaline · 26/06/2019 07:53

Yes, cars have a weight limit but normally that's evenly distributed across 4-5 people including the driver.

My car is old and the suspension isn't great due to the rural roads I drive on, I'd be worried about it coping with that much weight on one seat tbh.

It's not mean or fattist or rude to be worried about your car - they're bloody expensive to fix when they break!

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/06/2019 07:57

You live near the hospital and they live rurally, so this isn't massively convenient for you? Are they a good friend?

@cptartapp no, we live near each other but I work near the hospital so it's not out if my way. . He's not a friend, more of an acquaintance. But because theres very limited buses and taxis cost a nightmare I'm happy to give lifts to people, especially for hospital appointments.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 26/06/2019 07:57

No way OP.

YANBU in the slightest.

EvaHarknessRose · 26/06/2019 07:59

My two friends, lighter than me but 12 stone plus each used to fear sitting in the back of anyones small older car together because it would creak and struggle to get over bumps.

Honestly he’s not your responsibility. Suggest dial a ride and see if he qualifies.

iPodge · 26/06/2019 08:04

Prize for the 200th person to say it's about weight distribution. We're nearly there...

dentydown · 26/06/2019 08:19

My partners son is 30 + stone. He had to be transported in the back in the middle. This was in a vectra. No seatbelt either. (Wouldn’t fit).
Are you sure he’s 30 stone though, has he said he is? A lot of cars can easily fit 18-20 stone in the front seat.

TriptychDebbie · 26/06/2019 08:20

I've had a similar experience OP. Wanted to do the right thing for my friend by giving her lifts. I had a 7 seater so thought that her being 28+ stone at the time wouldn't be a problem

Cue me being left with a hefty bill for care repairs because the amount of weight over the front wheel did quite a bit of damage. Like PP have mentioned, the act of them getting into the car and dropping down into the seat is also a big problem.

You obviously need your vehicle for work so the last thing you wantis for it to get damaged because that won't help anyone.

TriptychDebbie · 26/06/2019 08:22

*Car

Although care does make sense in a Freudian kind of way Grin

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