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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask ,how to deal with body hair on a soon to be 12 year old?

171 replies

justcurious40 · 25/06/2019 21:25

My daughter will be 12 in the summer. She has quite a few hairs under her arms these days. I don't think she has noticed much and is not self-conscious about it, but she goes to dance classes and it is becoming more obvious to anybody who may look.

I am not sure what to do/whether I need to do anything. No one has said anything about it to her so far.

What do you all do about this? Seems so young to start shaving there but will she get teased for leaving it to grow?

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 25/06/2019 21:28

Sounds like you’re the one who has a problem with it. Leave her be. Society will do enough telling her her body is disgusting, she doesn’t need it from you too.

Pinkyyy · 25/06/2019 21:30

Hair removal cream?

LetItGoHome · 25/06/2019 21:31

I'd just leave it. It's probably far more more noticeable to you being her mother. I Can't say I've ever noticed a 11 year olds arm pits hairy or not! Have a rethink if she starts to notice or brings it up.

Sparklesocks · 25/06/2019 21:32

I wouldn’t do anything unless she approaches you first. Women are shamed about body hair their whole life so it’s good she’s not caught up in that yet, don’t mention it first or you might give her a complex.

IhateBoswell · 25/06/2019 21:33

What Sparklesocks said.

Original poster
justcurious40 · 25/06/2019 21:35

@Whatisthisfuckery
There's no need to be so rude.
I don't have a problem with it at all.
I have simply noticed it and I am trying to make sure I handle it in the best way, to avoid the kind of thing you refer to.

Thanks to the other people who responded for not jumping down my throat.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 25/06/2019 21:35

I'd have a conversation with her about it. Guessing shes seen you shave and stuff. I wish my mum had said something instead I burned myself badly with hair removal cream because I was too embarrassed to discuss it.

CountFosco · 25/06/2019 21:36

Leave her be, don't pass on your hangups. My DD is the same age, it's not something they worry about at that age. Of course, my DD know it's normal for adult human females to have body hair because she's seen my mine.

Waveysnail · 25/06/2019 21:36

And if she starting high school in september you may be setting her up for teasing tbh if it's not removed. I dont know anyone who doesn't remove armpit hair

clairedelalune · 25/06/2019 21:36

Why can't she start shaving?

DontFundHate · 25/06/2019 21:37

I personally would just leave my own hair removal stuff out more, maybe make it an open conversation eg buying it in the supermarket so that it's just an everyday thing, so that if she wants to approach you about it then she can

EmeraldShamrock · 25/06/2019 21:39

I would wait until she asks, have you discussed body changes yet? I had the chat with DD she is nearly 11 and has lots of hair under her armpits and below.
Have a general chat about changes and see if she
Afaik from a previous thread, hair removal cream is not good especially for her young skin.
I would buy her a lady razor the ones with gel and use hair conditioner instead of shaving foam when or if she is ready.

bagginses · 25/06/2019 21:39

My daughter is turning 12 in a few weeks and has asked about hair removal. It is something we will start over the summer as she has led it, if she hadn't, I wouldn't mention it to her. If she isn't bothered by it, neither would I be x

HPLikecraft · 25/06/2019 21:39

I remember my mum trying to encourage me (aged about 16) to shave my armpits as I’d sort of not bothered for a while and “it’s not very nice”. I was really pissed off at this, and asked her if she thought the same about DBs armpits. I went on a bit of an armpit shave strike at that point... for a few months, anyway.

Actually, I think there’s no harm in mentioning it gently, asking if she’d like to do something. But really, really don’t tell her that she ought to. As PPs have said, society will soon let her know that women’s bodies are naturally repulsive.

Anarchyshake · 25/06/2019 21:40

My dd is also 12 this summer, and has body hair.

She's started puberty, not periods but suffocating BO and her chest has changed shape (not breasts, but looks sort of puffed out).

I've not offered her anything for her hair, and she's not asked for it.

I shaved my armpits yesterday for the first time in about two months and I regret it deeply. My OH said tonight, I don't have to shave them for anyone. But I said that because I'm not a certain body type, and pretty with it, it's a lot less accepted by people on me.

It shouldn't be this way but it is. So I hope more girls opt not to shave them, and don't feel like I do. My armpit BO is so much worse without that hair as a buffer when my arms are down. It helps stop me sweating as badly. Makes me wish women had stacks of hair like men, actually!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 25/06/2019 21:40

I don’t think 12 is particularly young. Definitely let her remove it if she wants to. 50/50 on whether you should raise it or wait for her to say something. I know my mum wasn’t keen for me to shave my legs, and I did get teased about it, I also made a mess of trying to do it because no one showed me. So on balance maybe a gentle conversation might be a good idea.

MsVestibule · 25/06/2019 21:41

My DD started even younger than that. The problem with leaving it for her to mention it to you is that it's possible she might be too embarrassed to? If you did want to mention it, maybe you could say something along the lines of 'I notice you've got some underarm hair. Some people choose to remove it and if you decide you do want to, I can help you decide what's the best way for you. But leaving it as it is is absolutely fine, too.'

But you know your DD best. If you know she'll tell you if she wants to remove it, just don't say anything.

Bluerussian · 25/06/2019 21:43

Buy her a razor and suggest she shaves lathered up in the bath or shower. She'll be glad you suggested it. I shaved at eleven, it's nice to have smooth armpits and legs.

Pannalash · 25/06/2019 21:45

Crikey I can’t believe some of these responses. She’s a child why on earth would anyone ‘suggest’ to a child that it’s a societal ‘norm’ for girls to start removing body hair. Would you say the same to a boy?

Schnitzelvonkrumb · 25/06/2019 21:45

My DD is 13 in a few weeks and has wuite hairy legs (dark hair like me) she nearly always wears tights or trousers and a few years ago was v self conscious about it. Recently i said if she wanted to remove it i would wax it for her but shes worried about the pain. She occassionally shaves ger arm pits as she also does dance but she instigated it, and did it without me knowing (i saw she had armpit hair but wanted to take her lead on if/when she wanted to remove it)

DugHug · 25/06/2019 21:46

My mother discouraged me from shaving at that age and it resulted in bullying. In the end I shaved against her wishes. Imo as the parent you have a duty to educate her about these things and I’d gently encourage her to shave before anyone starts picking on her.

Bluerussian · 25/06/2019 21:47

She doesn't have to depilate, Pannalash, it's her choice but she might have been thinking of it and be glad for her mother to bring up the subject.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 25/06/2019 21:49

I also don’t understand why she can’t shave? What’s changed in the world that a 12 can’t make that Choice?

Tidypidy · 25/06/2019 21:49

I bought my then 11yo dd a relatively cheap battery shaver when she asked me how to remove it. I left it up to her to decide when she wanted to do it but didn't want her messing about with creams or razors.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 25/06/2019 21:50

Sorry, 12 year old

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