To ask ,how to deal with body hair on a soon to be 12 year old?

[justcurious40]

My daughter will be 12 in the summer. She has quite a few hairs under her arms these days. I don't think she has noticed much and is not self-conscious about it, but she goes to dance classes and it is becoming more obvious to anybody who may look.

I am not sure what to do/whether I need to do anything. No one has said anything about it to her so far.

What do you all do about this? Seems so young to start shaving there but will she get teased for leaving it to grow?

The OP didn’t want a political discussion, she wanted advice about hair removal methods

You’ve read a completely different o/p to me then.

The one I read asked what others do when their young dd’d grow underarm hair. It did not ask how to remove it.

LoafofSellotape: That is awfully young to start shaving

No it isn't, she's 11, nearly 12. I shaved armpits and legs at that age. There was no question of needing permission or being 'taught', I just lathered up and did it. I've continued to do it throughout my adult life, I like being smooth.

I wouldn’t do anything until your dd asks you about it. Let your dd enjoy her preteen world before the inevitable pressures of being perfect and comparing to others take over.

Just buy her a Venus Razor and leave it in the bathroom. It's up to her whether she wants to use it. I'm amazed that so many encourage kids to wax at this age. It's so painful.

Bluerussian

It wasn't me that said it was young to start shaving.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross debunked by whom? I don't research these things online because I am a living breathing person and go by my own experience. When I remove pubic hair I am cleaner in both regions. I do not always remove body hair so I know what both states feel like just like most people. Thanks for that though

Thanks for that though

That's OK. It's a commonly held erroneous belief that it's more hygienic to remove pubic hair, but it is fact there for a purpose, to help prevent bacteria and pathogens entering the body. Granted, removing it does prevent pubic lice if you are prone to those, however.

I'm fascinated that you don't research things online - or at all? Despite being a living breathing person, there's so much I wouldn't be able to do without research skills: it must be remarkable to have your level of general knowledge/expertise that you don't need to research anything.

No harm in saying that you've noticed she is becoming a woman and growing body hair. Ask her how she feels about it. If she shrugs leave her be and say she can ask you any questions whenever she likes and if she says she's thought about removal then go from there?

*noticed becoming a woman sounds rather odd but you get what I mean hopefully!

My mum thought I’d get bullied for having hair when I was at high school. It didn’t happen.

^I refused to shave for political reasons. My mum REALLY didn’t get that!

debunked by whom? I don't research these things online because I am a living breathing person and go by my own experience. When I remove pubic hair I am cleaner in both regions. I do not always remove body hair so I know what both states feel like just like most people. Thanks for that though

There is a big difference between you feeling cleaner, when you remove body hair, and being cleaner and more hygienic.

As @TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross points out, removing body hair actually makes you more prone to infection (note I said "more prone" not "you will get an infection", before you say you've never had one and therefore it is untrue), and leads to your body harbouring pathogenic bacteria- your skin isn't in fact smooth, it's full of microscopic nicks and tears from hair removal where the bacteria hide out.

You can say it's cleaner all you like, but it's your opinion only. Research shows otherwise.

I spoke to my 12 year old DD a couple of years ago about this, and said when it started growing and if she wanted to get rid of it, I would help her to either use the hair removal cream or teach her to shave.

I don't think YABU to mention it to her gently, just "Have you noticed a little bit of hair growing under your arms? If you want to remove it just let me know and we'll have a chat about the best way to do it" You don't want to leave it and have her butcher her armpits with a razor the way I did with my legs when I decided to start shaving them without asking my Mum's advice

@bluebluezoo of course it's my opinion. In my initial reply I said I think it's got more to do with hygiene. Hence, my opinion. Sometimes I go weeks without waxing. Sometimes even months. It's really not that big of a deal. P.s if you shower every day then I think that might also decrease chances of a skin infection which is what I do (and yes I do wash my legs )

Hair removal cream. Quick and easy.
Job done and worry over x

it's not something they worry about at that age

Wow. Guess my whole experience of being teased and humiliated at school for my hairiness didn’t happen then. Good to know.

I said to my daughter "I'm getting myself some razors. Do you want some, or are you not bothered?"

She wasn't bothered.

Haha @TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross no I don't research wether or not I should remove underarm or pubic hair. I just do it or I don't do it. I know, I know, shock horror and shame on me! But you know, to each their own 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have had a few conversations with my dd about body hair, just because she wanted to talk about it. I only shave occasionally, and I suggested it was a hassle worth avoiding until she really wanted to, maybe when she was older and it was thicker. Just because other people don't like seeing hair. I always try and let her know she's fine as she is, this sort of personal grooming is a choice. And a hassle you are not required to do if you don't want to.
Why bother?

Wax ? If she's waxes her whole life she will never get to the point of thick black hairs.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

And boys are encouraged to shave too.. When ds1 started growing hair on his face, his dad bought him a shaver and taught him to use it. It’s just traditional in our culture for girls to shave legs / armpits and boys to shave faces.

Absolutely. In fact, in a lot of schools, boys being clean shaven is compulsory except for religious exclusions.

The females in my family are fair with little underarm hair but I made sure my DDs knew where the disposable lady razors were and how to use them safely.
However little underarm (or leg) hair you have, and whatever your feminist views, you don't want your DD being teased or bullied about being hairy.
Sad as it may be, it's a fact of life.

disposable lady razors

Are they like the bic lady pens? What’s the difference between disposable lady razors and gentlemens ones? Except they’re probably twice the price.

What are people doing to need to teach their kids to shave? Most razors these days are the safety ones, you run them up and down your skin, job done. I was never shown or taught, it was easy enough to figure out. Although I probably saw my dad shave when I was small and used that technique...

Yes please please talk to her about it. You don't have to encourage her one way or another but my mum never mentioned it to me and assumed i wasn't bothered and told me not to start shaving (even though she did) and I was horrified by my body and deeply upset and bullied about my armpit hair in particular (I was 11). I hated myself for a long long time after this. If she's happy with it then great and don't make her feel bad but please start the conversation about how she feels about it because I never felt able to bring it up with my mum. I think I was about 15 before she mentioned it and that's a long time for a teenager.

Please bring it up with her. It isn’t shaming, you just fame it as another thing women can choose to do as they get older, if they want to.

If you wait for her to come to you,you are waiting for her to be shamed by others first.

I spent months sneaking about with my dad’s razor and carving up my legs because I had been shamed about them at school, so effectively shamed that I couldn’t pluck up the courage to talk to mum about it.

Just do the kind thing and help her before she is teased.