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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask ,how to deal with body hair on a soon to be 12 year old?

171 replies

justcurious40 · 25/06/2019 21:25

My daughter will be 12 in the summer. She has quite a few hairs under her arms these days. I don't think she has noticed much and is not self-conscious about it, but she goes to dance classes and it is becoming more obvious to anybody who may look.

I am not sure what to do/whether I need to do anything. No one has said anything about it to her so far.

What do you all do about this? Seems so young to start shaving there but will she get teased for leaving it to grow?

OP posts:
Aquilla · 26/06/2019 13:45

Just shave. Before high school anyway. Kids can be horrible.

LittleMissKickArse · 26/06/2019 13:49

I get the whole “your choice” etc and I would consider myself a big feminist.

But...

When I was 11 my mum handed me a razor and showed me how to shave my armpits. I hadn’t noticed my hair before that but didn’t think anything of removing it. It wasn’t a big deal. At all. I had enough of a hard time at high school so very I’m glad she didn’t leave it until the kids at school noticed.

LittleMissKickArse · 26/06/2019 13:50

To be clear I don’t think she said “you need to shave your armpits” it was more “now you’ve got hair you might want to shave it off like I do”

ittakes2 · 26/06/2019 14:00

I agree with previous poster - just talk to her about options. Say you have heard horror stories of children burning themselves with creams because they decide not to talk to their mums. Reassure her she is fine as she is but if she ever did wanted to do something could you both agree she would speak to you first.

bluebluezoo · 26/06/2019 14:02

but she goes to dance classes and it is becoming more obvious to anybody who may look

And? What do you think they will do?

I’m a dance teacher and it is completely normal for youngsters to have armpit hair. Especially of they are on the young side or it is new to them. Generally societal pressure catches up with them by the teenage years before it is very thick or long.

If I notice armpit hair developing I may make a mental note that a child is heading for puberty and make allowances accordingly. Otherwise it’s not my business what anyone chooses to do with their body hair.

Lexilooo · 26/06/2019 14:08

Why not buy a cheap electric shaver (Perhaps a wet and dry one for safety and less irritation) and just tell her that she will be starting to get body hair soon and some women prefer to remove their under arm hair. If she wants to the shaver is there for her.

I would go for an electric shaver as they are very easy to use and there is less risk of hurting herself than with razors, cream or wax.

twosoups1972 · 26/06/2019 14:11

Hmm only on MN are women criticised for wanting to remove body hair. As for those who refuse to ‘conform to societal norms’ it’s no more worthy to keep body hair than to remove it. The OP didn’t want a political discussion, she wanted advice about hair removal methods.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 26/06/2019 14:12

And boys are encouraged to shave too.. When ds1 started growing hair on his face, his dad bought him a shaver and taught him to use it. It’s just traditional in our culture for girls to shave legs / armpits and boys to shave faces. I mean it’s fine not to, but you kind of need to know what the norms are, before you can go against them.

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 14:14

My mother discouraged me from shaving at that age and it resulted in bullying. In the end I shaved against her wishes. Imo as the parent you have a duty to educate her about these things and I’d gently encourage her to shave before anyone starts picking on her

We should all change our behaviour because of bullies? How about the mother teaches her daughter to think 'fuck you, my body, my choice'?

Xenia · 26/06/2019 14:19

I don't shave it off (although I did for our latest holiday) and didn't as a teenager but perhaps just says she can leave it or get rid of it - her option.

Time40 · 26/06/2019 14:20

When I mentioned it to my then 13yr old I got a long lecture about not conforming to society and why should women need to remove their hair but men don't. Think attitudes have shifted somewhat

Good for your daughter, pp!

OP, I wouldn't even mention hair. Whatever you say, you run the risk of making your dd think that it's an issue. If you don't say anything, you will send the clear message that there is no issue.

twitchyboo · 26/06/2019 14:20

I found this one really tricky too. My DD thankfully doesn't care too much for others opinions but then she's never been subject to any ridicule particularly.

After internally battling with 'don't force stereotypes/society pressure onto her' and 'save her from potential hurtful mickey taking'. I opted for the latter based on my own experiences of vivid memories of a girl in primary school pointing out my hair armpits and me being mortified. My DD may not give two hoots but I wanted to give her the opportunity to remove it if she wanted to.

Cunningly I bought a lady shave (I can't use razors as they irritate my skin) and sold it as a cool gadget that was on a BOGOF offer (a little white lie) so she could have the other if she wanted as it was spare. She thinks it's very cool having this grown up gadget but hasn't bothered to use it yet. But importantly, it's there if she wants it.

floribunda18 · 26/06/2019 14:20

Don't do anything until she asks. I got my daughter an electric shaver when she asked me about it.

carla1983 · 26/06/2019 14:22

That is awfully young to start shaving

notmylittleangel · 26/06/2019 14:22

Talk to her about it.

My dd has had hairs for a while, we talked about how I remove my hair but that she should not feel any pressure to do anything but that if she does want to remove hair then we will discuss options.

We have waxed them once but she isn't keen to repeat that at the moment.

She asked me about her eyebrows and legs the other day, we tried picking and she hated it so we have booked into a salon for 'professional' treatment.

My mum never spoke to me about it at all and I want a much more open relationship.

1forAll74 · 26/06/2019 14:31

I would wait for your daughter to notice things first,and she may then ask you about underarm hair. She may talk to other girls at school about things as such..or she may have noticed ads on the TV showing creams and shaving products for hair removal.

Sweetbabycheezits · 26/06/2019 14:38

My daughter is 12 in a few months, and she just learned how to shave her legs. She brought it up because she was feeling self conscious about having really fair skin, and long, dark leg hair. I originally bought her an electric shaver, but she actually prefers a razor now that she's had a few weeks of practice.

MummyStruggles · 26/06/2019 14:48

My daughter is 10 and I started shaving her armpits about 3 months ago (she's developed earlier than expected).

It became clear that she was smelling after a day at school/out of school activities. We discussed her options and she said she'd like to shave it as didn't like the thought of having hair under her arms.

She doesn't however, shave them herself, she always shouts me in the bathroom to do it for her.

Littlehouse156 · 26/06/2019 14:50

I’d just have the discussion. See what she thinks. Give her the options. There is nothing wrong with shaving but she needs to understand what is going on and what the implications of not doing or doing are.

calmdowndearx · 26/06/2019 15:30

I noticed mine but just sort of shrugged it off until someone else mentioned it to me in a swimming pool one day, I was then really annoyed that my mum hadn't told me what to do...
She never ever did tell me what to do, so spent all my teen years wondering if I was shaving 'properly'.

Please take her to one side, say it's normal, and some people let it grow, some people wax/shave etc, whatever you want, I'm here to help.
Simple.

Sofasurfingsally · 26/06/2019 15:41

I would not dream of taking any interest whatsoever in how my children/teenagers dealt with their pubic hair. It was not my business. They find shaving etc soon enough if they want to, especially these days of constant information.

Pinkblanket · 26/06/2019 15:56

I definitely know men that shave their armpits! It's not that uncommon. I don't see what's wrong in letting your daughter know you will support whatever decision she makes, I'll definitely help mine buy appropriate products if they want them. Equally I'm not going to criticise if they choose not to. Saying it's none of my business isn't for me, I think it's unfair to expect them to miraculously know what to buy and where to get it. And have the money for it.

AquaPris · 26/06/2019 17:24

When she asks teach her to shave. I started at 11 and was fine bar a couple of tiny nicks.

Don't use the cream it burns the fuck out of some people even under the amount of time left on

LoafofSellotape · 26/06/2019 17:33

That is awfully young to start shaving

It isn't when lots of kids start their periods at 9 these days.

Branleuse · 26/06/2019 17:35

I told my 11yr old daughter that she can choose to shave them or not shave them, but i wanted to warn her that she might get comments or funny looks, as its not as common on women, but that it was totally up to her.
Shes decided to not shave them, but i think she shaves her legs sometimes.