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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH is being a bit miserable on holiday?

236 replies

TheGoogleMum · 25/06/2019 00:38

On holiday in Devon with parents, DH and baby (7 months). Its our first holiday with the baby (and parents kindly paid for the accommodation), but DH is being a bit miserable saying he doesn't really fancy doing anything and he has suggested the rest of us go out while he stays home tomorrow (he brought his ps4!). I know it's his holiday too but aibu for thinking he is being a bit miserable? Tbh I was really looking forward to spending time together as a family. Might not bother with UK breaks with him in future :s it isn't something we've done often as a couple to be fair so i guess it isnt his thing. He gets on fine with my parents so that isn't the problem. Going on walks isn't really something we get excited about so he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 10:00

Has having a reading addiction ever resulted in any harm to anyone? Maybe a paper cut if you’re old school

ReanimatedSGB · 25/06/2019 10:01

OP seems to have fucked off but the issue is not what he wants to do with his share of downtime but whether he is willing to give OP/her parents free time to do what they want to do, as well.
I have been on a few holidays with my DS' dad and his mother: mostly the sort with organised excursions but we all take our share of alone time.

Fyette · 25/06/2019 10:01

I spent half my maternity leave gaming. Grin

adaline · 25/06/2019 10:02

Has having a reading addiction ever resulted in any harm to anyone? Maybe a paper cut if you’re old school

But all he wants is some time alone to do his hobby. If his hobby was reading books would you have the same objections? Of course not - it's just because he likes to play video games in his free time instead!

ReanimatedSGB · 25/06/2019 10:03

Oh yeah, the stupidity and lack of imagination of console-haters is fairly bottomless. They are often the sort of whiners who want constant attention for themselves and are always pestering their family to 'spend time with them' ie listen to their pointless monologues about fuck all, as well.

DarlingNikita · 25/06/2019 10:03

he's feeling like there isnt much he wants to do, but he doesn't really try and think of anything

That would piss me off. Not the wanting to do nothing (I'm always so shattered by the time a holiday comes round that all I want to do is nothing!) but the not bothering to think of things.

He could be more polite and say he really fancies a quiet day in, he'll get a bit of shopping in and make dinner for when you get back, etc.

While I personally dislike computer games, I don't get all the rage on this thread about him bringing his PS4. I take my iPod and Kindle on holiday to read the paper, look at FB and read books and magazines. Is that just as terrible?

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 10:04

A grown adult who likes to play video games is FINE. Video games can be very cerebral and skillful things! There is nothing at all immature about the hobby. People need to grow up and out of that opinion.

HOWEVER, bring a (not small) console away on a family holiday is really inconsiderate. Reading a book does not require a distracting screen to be on for everyone else and/or does not require the (probably) only tv in the place to be taken up with GTA4. I'm not okay with taking consoles away on family holidays unless the family in question ALL play together, in which case a PS4 isn't going to cut it.

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 10:06

A PS4 is not remotely the same as a kindle/ipod/personal screen/book at all for the reasons stated above.

If your partner wants to play video games, he can bring a handheld, I hear the Switch is really good.

Damntheman · 25/06/2019 10:07

Me too @Fyette Grin In fact, I was fighting world bosses in Secret World during early labour with my first! Good times.

IceRebel · 25/06/2019 10:07

Reading a book does not require a distracting screen to be on for everyone else

The screen won't be distracting for the others, as they won't actually be there.

Fyette · 25/06/2019 10:07

Actually, when I was on holiday with friends back in the 90s, I got into a huge fight with one because she felt I spent too much time reading and was too absorbed by my book. I was also told it would ruin my eyes as a kid.

In a tract of 1795, J.G. Heinzmann listed the physical consequences of excessive reading: “susceptibility to colds, headaches, weakening of the eyes, heat rashes, gout, arthritis, hemorrhoids, asthma, apoplexy, pulmonary disease, indigestion, blocking of the bowels, nervous disorder, migraines, epilepsy, hypochondria, and melancholy”. (from Robert Darnton's History of Reading)

adaline · 25/06/2019 10:08

A PS4 is not remotely the same as a kindle/ipod/personal screen/book at all for the reasons stated above. If your partner wants to play video games, he can bring a handheld

Why? If he's going to be playing when he's alone, why does he need a tiny handheld with a small screen?

I would actually argue that iPads etc. are worse because they're portable and can be played in restaurants/pubs/cafes whereas PS4's can't be.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 10:08

Oh yeah, the stupidity and lack of imagination of console-haters is fairly bottomless. They are often the sort of whiners who want constant attention for themselves and are always pestering their family to 'spend time with them' ie listen to their pointless monologues about fuck all, as well.

Jeez what an inane post, we’ll done, 👏

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 10:08

HOWEVER, bring a (not small) console away on a family holiday is really inconsiderate. Reading a book does not require a distracting screen to be on for everyone else and/or does not require the (probably) only tv in the place to be taken up with GTA4

The OP's husband was intending on having a day alone gaming - so none of that really applies.

I spent half my maternity leave gaming

My then husband used to spend 4 hours a day of my maternity leave gaming. He used to do it in the evening so every evening I got 4 hours uninterrupted sleep Grin

Blinkingblimey · 25/06/2019 10:08

Haven’t read the full thread but am also utterly 😲 that a grown man who is a parent took a PS4 on holiday. FFS. Tell him to grow up - your parents have paid for you to all go on holiday, essentially you are THEIR guests and should be behaving in an appropriate manner.

DarlingNikita · 25/06/2019 10:09

I have to admit I don't know anything specifically about a PS4. Is it large and unavoidably loud, or something? I'd imagined it was not unlike a tablet in the sense of being something that one person can use without others having to hear or see.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 10:09

Yeah, 1795, the latest research 🤣🤣🤣

JacquesHammer · 25/06/2019 10:09

Fyette

I'd have been in real trouble 150ish years ago as a woman who reads.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2019 10:10

YANBU but just leave him too it and don't let him spoil the holiday, he sounds like a man child

Fyette · 25/06/2019 10:11

@Damntheman - I had to be induced and remember taking my DS with me to the hospital (although I don't think I actually got to play, unfortunately)! Grin

IceRebel · 25/06/2019 10:11

your parents have paid for you to all go on holiday, essentially you are THEIR guests and should be behaving in an appropriate manner.

They might have paid for the holiday, but that does not mean they get to dictate where they go and what they do.

adaline · 25/06/2019 10:12

What I really don't understand is people saying it's intrusive.

If you go out, you can't take your PS4 with you to the local park/zoo/restaurant, plug it in and play, but you can quite easily take an iPad or smartphone with you and sit and play with headphones in. That's far worse, surely?

mrsm43s · 25/06/2019 10:18

He wants some downtime doing what he enjoys.

Why should he have to do what you want to do all the time?

I hate walks. stately homes. museums, sightseeing etc, and would really struggle if I was constantly being dragged out with DH and my inlaws whilst on holiday. I like staying in, I like the internet, I like reading, I like watching films, I like crafts - I don't get much time to do that in my busy life, so I want to spend some of my holiday time doing stuff like that. I'd be really upset if I was constantly forced out just to make everyone else happy at the expense of my happiness.

There needs to be a balance, yes, some time with the family, spending time with his son. But one day doing his hobby? Absolutely fine - in fact, I think he has the right to expect to be able to do what he wants every other day, with you making the choices on the alternate day. And if playing PS4 is what he wants to do, then its a double win for you, as it still leaves you free to do whatever you choose, assuming he's not expecting you to sit and watch him.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/06/2019 10:19

If a husband and father did that, it would be a LTB

BjornAgain81 · 25/06/2019 10:20

Has having a reading addiction ever resulted in any harm to anyone? Maybe a paper cut if you’re old school

Well, your physical fitness is likely to be worse than somebody who's got a gym/sport addiction.

My friend's son (10yo) has his own YouTube channel where he reviews games. He does 99% of the editing himself and is streets ahead of his peers in terms of public speaking/articulacy as he has to consider how he presents himself.

I think a large proportion of IT people are into gaming and IT is no doubt one of the more lucrative professions to be in.