To be the "meh" friend?

[TheMehFriend]

I'm wondering if I am indeed, unreasonable!

I am the "meh" friend. Or at least I think I am. By that I mean my friends mean more to me than I do to them. They all have much closer friends than me. I am never any friend's bridesmaid, god parent to any friend's child, never the first to know any news.

I don't mean it in a pathetic, whiny way. It's a simple fact. My friendships date back 10years and they tend to be an even mix of me contacting them or the other way round. Similar amount of effort put into the friendship etc. So actually, I am very lucky to have steady friendships. However all my friends have "better" friends than me or friendships that date back 20years.

I feel like the friend that nobody would really miss. More a "oh I haven't heard from meh for a while" friend. It does lead to cycles of resentment from me. I'm having one today. Even "meh" friends have feelings and limits. Nobody remembered my birthday, that is the catalyst. Every year, people I have known 10years forget my birthday.

Are you a "meh" friend? How do you go beyond this? Am I actually being unreasonable and may be more valued than I think?

One of the main things that I have learned in life is that people tend to be very self interested. I think you need to shift your focus away from your friends who aren't really friends and onto yourself and doing the things you enjoy.

Dont waste time fretting about your friends, if they aren't caring them dump them and try to meet new people. Your better off on your own than trying to flog a dead horse with people who don't care about you. You wont be able to change them.

I get how you feel. I have had best friends in the past but over the last 10 years I have felt increasingly like the meh friend.

I've recently been through a relationship break up and the fact none of my closest friends have reached out to me has just shown me what a meh friend I am. No family, friends are not there for me. My closest friend was my now Ex. Honestly I feel like no one cares.

I am also the meh friend - I have one friend who is my only real friend. All my other 'friends' only contact me when they need something, I'm the last on the list always, if at all.

Also my beat friend whi couldnt wait until I was pregnant and kept referring to herself as aunty.. hasn't spoken to me in weeks now I'm pregnant.

No doubt when I go for my 12 week scan shell pop a message over to get the gossip. She was constantly at my.house before, even when invited which was annoying, but now shes gone off the face of the earth.

I hope I make some mum friends

Me too, although oddly one of my friends seems to think we are quite good mates, whereas I would say we're not at all close. So I've got three friends: one I see twice a year, she lives about an hour's journey away, one lives in the same street, the other I see about once a month. I do find I mostly make any arrangements to meet up. But other friendships I've tried to cultivate just have come to nothing.

Meh friend here too, always do the messaging. Going through some shit at home and work but I don't want to bother anyone, as they never call so I feel like I can't call just to ask for them to be there for me. It's a shame, met lovely women when I had my dd but now I'm the only one working full time so I miss any meet ups and no one checks in.

I've always been the meh friend. I struggle a lot with small talk and I'm not particularly amusing or interesting! I had a few close friends at school but we drifted apart when they went to uni (and I didn't).
Nowadays I have a few friends who I'd maybe invite to a big party if I was having one, but not to an intimate gathering, IYKWIM?
I have one best friend and I see her a lot. If something happened to her, I'm not sure what I'd do - I'd certainly be very lonely. I do have another friend who I'm quite close to but she lives several hours away so we don't see each other very often.
I'm never one who is invited to weekends away, or girlie nights out etc. I do feel a bit sad about it to be honest. If something awful happened to me, I'm not sure anyone would notice (except my class of children, DH and my kids).

Reading this makes me feel so sad 😢
I'm a meh friend too, I live a totally different lifestyle to my 3 friends from school, they all have new friends from work too etc but I struggle to make new friends so they're all I have.
If I get invited out it's more that I'm tagging along, they just give me a time and place and ask if I'm free, so they've obviously organised it between themselves first. It hurts but I'm too scared to cut them out and have no friends at all.

Has Boris Johnson taught you nothing? People seem keen on him ( so ” popular” but would you want him as a mate/ partner/bestie?

I think it’s interesting that the popular ones have the same issues you feel with your friends. So the people you are “ meh” best friends with because actually they are too organised/ georgous/ cool are also recognised by the popular set as having the same traits. I think populars are just better at dealing with them. A lot of people don’t like the populars but still want to be popular.

I am “meh” because actually I can’t ’t be arsed keeping up with friends. I am quite happy with a glass of wine at home.

I dont have any friends, I know a lot of people but no one that I would call a friend, been like this for 30 yrs. If, God forbid, my family were wiped out, I'd actually have no one to tell. I don't get invited out by any of the people I know, my phone never rings and I never ring anyone. I cant remember the last time I was invited into someone's house. It doesn't bother me but actually writing this makes it seem weird

Ah so thats what we are. I am a typical meh friend. I have moved house a lot and all my real friends have closer friends as I usually don't get invited on holidays etc but meh. Sometimes it makes me really sad and I get a bit lonely. Have been trying to make friends but guess I am just not very good at it, I don't know if it's because I just don't put enough effort in or if we just have so little in common... or maybe I am just boring. I definitely get scared of being hurt and find it difficult to trust in people. This is why I have a dog.

This is me too, I just didn’t know how to articulate it until now! But some of it is my own fault as I like my own company too much. But I’d love to have better friendships. I would love to have a group of friends to go away for weekends etc. I have a great sister and husband but would be completely lost without them.

I am lucky my best friend is my brother but I don't get to see him very often due to opposing days off.
Also think I am just very happy in my own company.

Goodness, so many mehs! If only we could be "meh" about our own friends! Feeling quite pleased I seem to have invented a name that resonates with so many. And also pleased that nobody has come along to tell us all how pathetic we all are being! Unheard of on aibu!

Did you remind them about your birthday? If you care about your birthday, you need to mention it to them.
Everyone forgets mine, but I genuinely don't care and I have even forgotten about it myself. If my birthday was something I cared about, I would be organising to meet my friends or at least mentioning that my birthday is coming up.

I think this is me too. I have a wide circle of friends but somehow always feel a little on the outskirts, nobody's favourite. Never been a bridesmaid or godmother. One friend I was very close to and was convinced she'd ask me to be godmother, then didn't even get invited to the christening. That really hurt.

This is me too, it's sort of nice to have a name for it!
It was my birthday last week, my in-laws and my grandmother forgot.

this thread has made me really emotional. big hugs to all.tonight i dont feel so alone.
the meh friend and family member here.always always trying to think of what others need.but noone gives a shit about me.

Finally there's a word for it! For me the realisation I was the meh friend was when my father died tragically and I didn't feel I could tell anyone. That was sad, as my sisters were inundated with cards and flowers and visitors and I was just... Meh. I have a lovely dh and kids and my PILs and am close to one of my sisters which is good, but I mostly zig when other people zag.

I once got some professional feedback saying I am a hard person to get to know (but worth it when you persist!). I was the first of my group to have dcs, and lost contact straight away when I just didn't have anything in common with them anymore, and I find it so hard to make friends now. I'd love to be a breezy chatter but it just feels so forced.

Solidarity with my fellow mehs

there would be no ripple if i wasnt here.

Happy Birthday OP 💐 I too am a meh friend (so glad it has a name!!) I speak to a few mums at school but it doesn't really go any further, unfortunately work on my own so no work friends & don't really have time for any hobbies. I have 2 friends that I would class as my best friends, both are god parents to my children & were my bridesmaids (and are friends with each other) but both have lots of other friends/friendship groups so I feel like I am always an after thought. I am always the one to make plans to meet up/catch up, its always me that starts the group chats, sends birthday cards, flowers/chocolates when they are ill or things aren't going well etc. I am genuinely a caring thoughtful person & would do anything to help them, which probably makes it worse that they don't really seem to make an effort.

My husband doesn't really get it, he just says that people are too busy but its heartbreaking that someone is too busy to reply to a how are you text but can upload pictures etc onto instagram 😔
They aren't malicious people & are actually lovely & funny to spend time with, which is probably why I've let it go on so long, I just think that they don't think.. Or maybe they have so many friends its hard to keep up with everyone 😂

Im sure they'd be mortified if I ever actually told them but it just sounds so childish. Id almost rather they actually said I don't want to be your friend anymore rather than leaving you trying to guess if your still friends or not! Gosh that sounds so tragic out loud, I am actually very happy with my life just makes me a little sad every now & then.

I’m defo the meh friend and the meh family member. It’s sometimes very depressing. So I tried to make new friends when I had kids but just couldn’t watch ru out how to make real connections, partly because everyone I met had established groups of friends already. I became a mum late in life and a lot of old friends drifted away as they had their kids while I was still a party animal.
I do get out and about to lots of events and I guess to an outsider I might look popular but it’s just because I know lots of disparate groups of people and I do make an effort but it’s rare I can take things to the next intimacy level a deep friendship requires. It’s all more aquatintancesthan loving friendships.
Maybe I expect too much, if you saw my social media you’d not recognize me from this post but honestly, I have NOBODY checking in on me and if I’m having a bad day(disability) I have nobody to call on and I know this as I have tried more than once to enlist support.
I’m a very giving person and I’d do anything for anyone and I often do.
It’s very hard to build those bonds in middle age, I didn’t do the uni thing and I often think it’s experiecnes like that which build big packs of people who do everything en masse like they do in notting hill type movies...

I am also a meh friend and always have been. People are happy to see me if I organise it, so I am not disliked, but I am not the one people think of when handing out invites.

I remember at uni in halls, friends from the other hall would walk past my door to knock on the door of another girl nearby and I would hear them chatting. I remember the people in my halls all going out and not inviting me.

I find it very hard to get close to people,everyone already has their friends, I find it very hard to read friendships and no one confides in me or rings me. I find out information third hand. I am always on the outskirts of any groups. I dong contact people as I feel I am bothering them or if I confide in them I don't get anything much back or a check in afterwards. I think it's seen as moaning.

I ve had to let go of my oldest friend recently as the friendship was so one sided and I realised how little she valued me, she knew nothing about what was going on in my life. I find it very hard sometimes.

I was very much a loner as a chained and quite odd and quirky, I often wonder if that impacts on my relationships now. I know my upbringing definitely has an impact on my romantic relationships so it stands to reason my friendship oneswould be affected too.

I’ve found my people im a meh friend and family member.
I struggle with it alot to be honest im always told how kind and thoughtful i am. Always making effort for peoples occasions etc.
But that’s it really it’s now expected of me but not reciprocated.
I feel abit sad at work sometimes have a chit chat with the customers buying there bbq stuff or drinks to take to a friends house, talking about holidays with mates etc they often say bet you cant wait to finish work and enjoy rest of your day. When in truth once im through my front door i probably wont even hear from another adult unless i msg first.
Even then there normally to busy to reply for a few days or cant make plams as have there other mates to see.
I have had some close friends over the years but as soon as better options come along im soon dropped.
Nobody knows though on the outside i can keep up this happy appearance on the inside im so lonely.
Heres to all the meh friends we are kind caring people who go unnoticed, we deserve some care to