To be the "meh" friend?

[TheMehFriend]

I'm wondering if I am indeed, unreasonable!

I am the "meh" friend. Or at least I think I am. By that I mean my friends mean more to me than I do to them. They all have much closer friends than me. I am never any friend's bridesmaid, god parent to any friend's child, never the first to know any news.

I don't mean it in a pathetic, whiny way. It's a simple fact. My friendships date back 10years and they tend to be an even mix of me contacting them or the other way round. Similar amount of effort put into the friendship etc. So actually, I am very lucky to have steady friendships. However all my friends have "better" friends than me or friendships that date back 20years.

I feel like the friend that nobody would really miss. More a "oh I haven't heard from meh for a while" friend. It does lead to cycles of resentment from me. I'm having one today. Even "meh" friends have feelings and limits. Nobody remembered my birthday, that is the catalyst. Every year, people I have known 10years forget my birthday.

Are you a "meh" friend? How do you go beyond this? Am I actually being unreasonable and may be more valued than I think?

"My own mother didn't even text me!"

My mother marks my birthdays, but doesn't know how old I am so there's obviously no special mention of 'big' birthdays.

I am the ‘meh friend’ but I quite like it 😎

Being open and vulnerable usually leads to deeper friendships.

I agree but sadly I just don't trust people. That is my part of the blame in all this really. I'm not sure how I would broach the subject without sounding like a primary school child! That's the problem isn't it, we all consider it to be playground politics but actually friendships/rejection/hurt feel as strong as children's do sometimes.

I don't think any of my friends at all would remember my birthday if facebook didn't remind them!

TBH in adult life I think most people have enough trouble remembering their own family's birthdays, let alone their friends', so I don't think it means you're not valued.

I also only know things about people's lives via social media, and if they don't put it there I won't find out until ages after the fact, but I'm OK with that. It is a bit of a problem with social media in that it means people don't really both with catching up in real life.

I try now and then to call people and I do find they are very glad of it, so it's worth doing.

Bloody hell, so many mehs on here! I actually might have a quiet cry. Feel a bit down now. Maybe I will text them all and tell them to fuck off. Might make me feel better

By that I mean my friends mean more to me than I do to them. They all have much closer friends than me.

Took the words right out of my mouth. It’s exactly the same for me and everyone has their own close group of friends since high school. You can’t compete with that. They won’t even give you a chance, no matter how hard you try!

It's not really about my birthday Echobelly, that is just the catalyst for today's glumness

Gosh I've just realised I'm a Meh friend 😂. I have about 5 groups of female friends I see twice a year which adds up to 10 nights out so I feel like I have an active social life but no-one would ever ring me first for news etc. I do miss having a best friend but she died a few years ago and I've not found that level of closeness achievable since so that fine for me.

And another one!
In my case it's probably a bit self inflicted though.
A bit depressive, a bit introverted, don't really drink, no babysitter, so my socialising revolves around tea with whoever's around in school hours, plus I'm more than a bit flaky.
I feel like I'm the one chasing friendships, and the other party probably isn't so keen. No one seeks me out!
I hate to feel like I'm nagging people for friendship, so sometimes I step back, but that means I see people even less. C'est la vie.

I'm a meh friend and I'm so glad I've finally got a title for it. So, thank you.

I'm currently in the pit of despair and self pitying that I'm not someone's BBFF.

cheers to us mehs!

Me too! I spent bloody years supporting a friend and when I needed her - nothing. Actually worse than nothing she really screwed me over. Another repeatedly instigates arrangements which she then cries off at the last minute. I do have friends - but I am a better friend to them than they are to me, if that makes sense

@Butterflycookie I get that exactly.

Some of the people my friends know are really not very nice. But my friends would stick by them no matter what. Sometime I think that if they found out they had done something really terrible they'd still try to rationalise it.

"Oh I know that X tortures kittens for fun but they've got a really good heart when you get to know them..."

Also the always doing the calling and never being called.

Yet when they needed a lift last minute muggins here was the one they called. Until I stopped saying yes all the time.

Oddly I don't hear from them now. And if we do bump into each other it's always "why don't I hear from you any more"

I've had the same phone number for over 14 years. They just never use it.

Damn now I'm depressing myself!

I’m not even a meh friend. Just a meh you know person.

I moved school a lot. Don’t fit in with any crowd so to speak. I have a couple of school rub mums I talk to but once the children leave school I won’t ever speak to them again apart from a fb happy birthday message.

In fact I barely speak to my own family. I can go a year without even a hello with my siblings. Meh.

I know how you feel. I do have good friends, some remember my birthday without needing to be reminded! But I will forever be sad that I don't have that lifelong friendship that lots of people have. I'm only FB friends with people from school now. The friend who to me is my "beat friend", whom I've known for 20yrs, and I was bridesmaid for, has a best friend she's known since she was 11. I don't want it to feel like I compete with her, but I do. I have two other what I would call very close friends, but they also have childhood best friends. I'm just so envious It shouldn't matter, but to me it really does 🙁

Apologies. My phone keeps eating my paragraphs. I did put them in i swear

That's me. I have many friends that if I didn't contact them would never contact me and when I do see them they talk only about themselves.
However, I have realised that I'm crap at talking about myself so maybe it's no wonder I end up hearing all about them and their lives.
I have dropped quite a few quietly but I need friends so I keep in touch with some!

I'm not even sure I warrant the whole word of meh.

I have three friends from school days but live hundreds of miles from them. One is fab. One is confusing. One has done something which I'll never get over.

I have had a local friend for eight years and I am still in shock she's stuck around. Another friend is a neighbour. My dog is my best friend.

I totally am too. Made my peace with it forever ago as I moved away from the central area where I was in travelling distance to everyone. I've found out they've met up a few times etc but saying that I have 4 kids and they have none so it was going to happen. But they have come through for me before when I thought we were done and I think if I didn't contact them at some stage they'd come back to me so I make a big effort cos I love them. OP, and big hug. This'll pass x

I’m the meh sibling, the meh daughter and the meh friend. I’ve had two near death hospital stays. The meh was very noticeable.

Yes, I am the 'meh' friend, too.

Been the meh friend all my life! I was thinking just today that all my friends have closer friends than me. I have a few good friends and I really like them all but they all have big groups of long term or super close friends. No-one would come to me in a crisis.
I’ve realised recently that my oldest friends aren’t actually my closest friends, but we refer to each other as that. My oldest friend had a very traumatic personal crisis last year and told me via text once it had all blown over. I realise I don’t have a right to know these things but I do think it goes some way to demonstrate we’re not super close.
Separately I was saying to her that I don’t have anyone to run to in a crisis and she said ‘wouldn’t you come to me?’ And I just made noises but thought ‘well, you didn’t come to me!’ And also it would be awkward truthfully because she couldn’t do anything and lives hundreds of miles away anyway.

The person I would class as my best friend is a ‘mum friend’ I see a lot, couple of times a week. She is so warm and absolutely lovely and always off seeing hundred of friends who she seems to be really close to - I don’t even have one friend that I’m as close to as she is to loads of people! I think it’s just a talent I will never possess sadly.

Friends go on holiday with big groups of girls and I’ve just never been part of a group like that, don’t know why!
Through school I was nice to everyone and even won and end of school (so age 18 😄) award for always being nice to everyone 😄 I know that’s frivolous but still. I’m pretty sure I’m a good and nice and friendly person. I just can never get past a certain depth of friendship.

I'm the 'meh' friend as well. Feeling it this week.

Yes I’m the meh friend, except maybe with one friend I’ve known since 4. So glad to finally have a name for it. Thank you

I was the meh throughout school. Changed friends most years. Then at uni for two years me and a girl were ‘it’. She was the ray of sunshine that everyone loved and I was her best friend. We were the popular ones. Then I graduated and moved to another country ... back to being just one of a group. Sad thing is I didn’t realise those two years were going to be the highlight of my youth in terms of friends!
Have to say I’ve got a really good group of friends now but I really went outside my comfort zone and made the effort. I do notice I’m still the one that organises social stuff but I guess I’ve taken up that role now.

I'm another! My Dp is very much the best friend with his groups so it does get hard. I get on really well with people face to face, but afterwards I just seem to vanish off the radar. When I try and make an effort by text/phone I just feel like I'm annoying them, so I stopped making the effort and it became pretty clear.