To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

Jesus wept, why did you post? You obviously do not think you are being unreasonable so why bother with this thread.

I didn’t have or know the little girls name to hand, and was asked for recent examples of abductions.

But they're not recent, that's the point people are making. When you have to think back fifteen, twenty, forty years as to when these things last happened it shows just how rare it is. No less tragic of course, but definitely rare.

And also, they weren't abducted by a stranger.

Overly precious OP. We need to encourage independence throughout their whole childhood. Not just when they turn 16.

Well, OP, you open a new tab on your web page and search for it. Maybe if you had more life experience you’d know that.

“I seem to have hit a nerve with some people on this thread.”

Haven’t you just

Why all the aggression and spite on this thread? Very odd. I do wonder where some people actually live in the UK if they think this kind of thing is normal.

And no - a child of 8 is not the same as a child at 11; just as a child at 5 isnit the same as a child at 8. This is a nonsense argument.

No children around here play out at 8. No children here play our at 11 either for that matter. Yet by 12 upwards they’re far more independent than the average child in Britain, I would say.

The charity Action Against Abduction, formerly Pact, estimates that roughly 50 children under the age of 16 are abducted by strangers every year.

Out of an approximate number of 14,000,000 children (16 and under).

The risk of abduction is small but it still exists. The risk can be removed entirely by accompanying them. Seems worth it to me.

YANBU. Playing out on your own road, within sight of home? Fine. Roaming freely in parks in the evening at 8? Not fine.

Around here (East London) the character of the playgrounds changes in the evening, because most of the children there are the ones who are allowed to roam unsupervised. You can literally see them drifting into bad company, hanging around young teenagers watching inappropriate stuff on phones, trying a cigarette, kicking footballs at cars etc. At 8 years old they just don't have the sense to deal with freedom.

The reason why parents are so scared of abduction, despite the risk of it being tiny, is because the effect of it would be so catastrophic and devastating.

Years ago it was the norm. It didn’t do anyone any harm. I know someone who used to get a bus home on his own every night and let himself in the house aged 7! That was 40 odd years ago mind.

Mine played out alone at this age. They were fine. It depends on the area and the maturity of the child concerned.

It didn’t do anyone any harm

Incorrect, some children will have come to harm. Take off your rose tinted spectacles.

"No children here play our at 11 either for that matter."

Are children still interested in playing, in the actual sense of imaginative play, at that age?

When do they have time away from their parents to make up silly games, to take risks?

My best memories are of playing with my brother and friends when I was in primary school. No one to bother us, no one telling us what to do.

Yes of course abduction is a risk. But there are risks in a lot of things and we still do them.

I’d love to let my 9 year old off the park alone by himself. Or with friends.

However our road is incredibly busy and drivers (which may include people on this thread) drive like twats. I nearly got hit myself due to a dick running a red light. Luckily I had the sense to slow down and check as I was halfway across but I doubt a child would.

Completely fine if the child is mature enough to handle it imo.

The risk can be removed entirely by accompanying them.

Wasn't James Bulger's mother standing a few feet away?

My 8 year old have gone to the park with her 10 and 11 year old brother before, but not alone.

I can’t stand it when people cycle on the pavement but that’s another thread.

I think it all differs on where you live (quiet roads, safe areas) as well as the child. I dont think theres one size fits all in this because the dynamics can vary so greatly.

YABU- there is a difference between what you would choose and what constitutes neglect. Playing in the park at 8 is a fairly normal activity even though you might choose not to allow it.
Legally children are considered old enough to go places that aren’t regulated at 8, it’s when cinema, swimming, adventure play parks etc can say children can be dropped off to places and not need to be an OFSTED registered childcare provider.

The longer you overprotective your child, the more you promote the idea that the world is a place to be scared of. No wonder so many teenagers and young adults have anxiety and mental health problems

I also agree that there is a lot of rose tinted glasses on this thread.

My mother recalls a time in her childhood, at the height of when children were given freedom, when she and her friend were doing cartwheels in the beach. A man approached asking if he could take photographs for a magazine competition, and would give them a prize should he win. Being kids (not too dissimilar to the age being discussed here) they happily obliged, cartwheeling away. It only occurred to my mum recently that they were cartwheeling in dresses with underwear fully on show.

An 8 year old does not have the maturity to know right from wrong or the implications of a situation as described above. Awful things can happen to children of any age, but most 8 year olds don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with them or the road or common sense of an older child.

but most 8 year olds don’t have the emotional maturity to deal with them or the road or common sense of an older child.

Exactly how do you think 8 year olds develop emotional maturity and common sense OP? It's not by following Mum around.

When I grew up (and I'm only in my 20s) the vast, vast majority of NT children were able to play out by themselves.

They still are where I live. I don't know a single 8 year old that isn't allowed to play out without a parent, every single one of DD's classmates (7 and 8 year olds) are allowed to. They don't usually go alone because it's boring to go the park alone according to DD so they meet up there, but tomorrow we have to go to town as I have a meeting with my lawyer so I'll probably send DD to the town park while I'm in the meeting rather than have her sit bored outside the office.

Life is full of risks, cars crashes, home accidents, freak incidents... we can't take the risk out of every activity,
Adults are abducted but we don't stop going out, car accidents happen Frequently but we still drive our children to school... there is a minuscule risk of abduction and I allow my 8 year old unsupervised.. it is my choice!
On the other hand however I accept that we all have different parenting styles, different children and live in different areas so live and let live but under no circumstances should you ring the school.. it's individual parental choice, we can't control what other parents do when I am assuming they have assessed the risks and feel unsupervised outside play is beneficial to THEIR child.