To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

[LL83]

Picked my 8 year old up at park tonight there were 4 8 year olds, 2 6 year olds and a 5 year old.

So it definitely depends where you live. My 8 year old is more than capable of playing at the park alone, of making polite chit chat to a parent and cycling on the road while watching for cars and moving when needed. And getting back or sending a friend if she is injured.

Your 8 year old may not be safe and that is fine. But wrong to assume that they are all the same.

Although children are occasionally taken so are teenagers, and adults. You cant avoid all risk. And usually the criminals know their victims.

[TwoPupsAndaHamster]

Thank you Regan. I already looked it up but couldn't link it.

As usual it depends on environmental factors and parents views. I have no problem in allowing 8 year olds out to socialize with friends (And neither do Social Services - within my area). Its the norm in my community. I can't speak for others. It, largely, depends on where the kids live, the maturity of the child and parents knowledge of their child, I guess.

In my experience most 8 year old children are capable of spending time at the park, with their friends. Obviously, as per this thread, others aren't.

There is no perfect answer. Each to their own...

[ReganSomerset]

Here you go, pups www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7185351/Mother-blasts-parents-allowing-8-year-old-play-unattended-local-park.html

[Noseynails]

YABU... a child of 8 is perfectly capable of going to the swing park.

[TwoPupsAndaHamster]

This has made DM

8 year olds playing at the park! It must be a slow day news wise 🙄

Do you have a link?

[paxillin]

8 is not unusually young. I don't tell mine not to talk to strangers, but they do know not to go with strangers. And this boy didn't go with you, so clearly knew not to do this.

[Spinderellacutituponetime]

They must be very short of news...

[10marlboroughlites]

This has made DM !

[Spinderellacutituponetime]

This is very interesting reading, slightly off thread but woth a read about the decline in outdoor play linked to the rise in mental disorders in children...anxiety etc

[gluteustothemaximus]

I wouldn't let my 8 year old go to the park alone.

I don't have any issues with another parent who sees fit that their 8 year old can go to the park alone.

I don't judge them, so I don't wish to be judged either (cotton wool wrapping/they won't be streetwise etc)

Different situations, different children, different locations, different risks.

[summerishereatlast]

There is no way I would let my 8 year old go to the park alone.
I would be very worried they would molested or snatched.
Too young to be safe near such busy roads.

In the 1970s there was a fraction of the traffic, and most communities knew each other and looked out for the children, not anymore.

[Spinderellacutituponetime]

Maybe what we are getting from this is stuff happens wherever you are, you can not protect your child from everything, everywhere...be it at home or at school/play park wherever. Does that mean we have to helicopter our kids and never let them out? Or do we try and make safe, sensible choices to the best of our abilities and knowledge and arm them with some sense? I wouldn’t and don’t let my kids go to the park on their own, one of them is 8 but always accompanied. I figure if something happens at least one of the other kids can come get me or call for help. He’s desperate to go out and do it so I need to let him have some freedom and it makes him very happy to have his autonomy. However we are very rural, there’s always a bunch of kids they know at the park and it’s 2 mins up the road.

[HennyPennyHorror]

I was out and about alone from about 6...this was the 1970s so very normal.

But I was flashed at three times before I was 12. I was also stripped of my lower clothing and locked in a bin safe by an older boy.

That's the sort of thing that can happen more readily when a small child is out alone.

I grew up in a very nice area too.

[Spinderellacutituponetime]

Sometimes being at the park by yourself feels much safer than being at home. 😔

[Aaarrgghh]

Perhaps I have just been incredibly unlucky in that every person, family member and friend, I know (including myself) has had a bad experience when out as a child, ranging from accidents, injury, strange adults all the way to serious sexual assaults.

I’m sorry that happened to you and your family members. I was sexually abused as a child starting when I was eight. It was a family member, I wasn’t allowed out to play and honestly? I’d have been safer outside than in. All these kinds of stories are anecdotal. Statistics show that children are harmed more often by people they know, you could argue leaving your children with a relative is unsafe etc.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

And I’m yet to have anyone explain the difference between leaving an 8 year old home alone for half an hour vs. bike riding on roads and being alone in the park for half an hour

The difference, not that it's huge, is that the child is in control when they leave home with the parent there, if their anxious, unsure, or even just bored, they simply go home to where their parent is to care for them. When you leave them, that safety net is not there, if they get unsure or anxious, their only option is to wait with their anxiety.

The range of time where this is relevant is very short, but it will be just at the time when the child is first experiencing the freedom.

Either way, I doubt the people are really the same ones making the same comments.

[MummyWallflower]

Oh and I fell of my bike more times than I remember when I was out aged 7/8 and managed to get myself home ok

I think that’s the difference in leaving them home alone and them going to the park a short walk away with friends

If they have an accident they/there friends can come and get you. If they have one in the house they are left waiting until you get back

He wasn't with friends or meeting friends though, he was alone, had he been with friends I wouldn't have been so alarmed or intervened.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

Oh and I fell of my bike more times than I remember when I was out aged 7/8 and managed to get myself home ok

I think that’s the difference in leaving them home alone and them going to the park a short walk away with friends

If they have an accident they/there friends can come and get you. If they have one in the house they are left waiting until you get back

[Talkingfrog]

When I was 8 I was out on my bike and at the park, without an adult. That was nearly 40 years ago, there were usually other friends at the park too and I knew how far I was allowed to go.
My daughter is also 8 in year three. She is quite a young 8 year old, but is also probably more sensible than some. Our nearest park is about 10 mi utes away and involves either going under a subway or over a busy road where cars tend to go over the 30mph as it is on a slope. She doesn't go to the park herself. She goes out on her bike to a certain point by herself but we can see her for most of that if in the front garden.
If she wants to go further one of us goes with her, but she cycles on ahead.
We called in at a friend's yesterday. The friend decided to run while my daughter rode home. (her older brother and I both told her to stay at home, but she ignored us).
It is a 10 minute walk. When we got home we were going straight out in the car. I couldn't live with myself if anything had happened to her, so told her to get in the car and dropped her back home on our way.
I think a lot depends on the individual child, if they are with others (and how sensible the others are), and the location.
Dd has played out in the street (on the grass over the road) at my mother in laws as she is with my nephew and children that are my mother in laws neighbours that are similar ages or a few years older. If some other local children turn up they come in. They are not told to, but don't like how the other children play (they are rude) so choose to leave themselves.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

My 8 year old isn’t ready yet even though the park is pretty much across the road

Lots of children that age and younger go without parents or play out together on the street around the corner from us

Ds2 was walking to school by 8 and it was quite a way so it depends on the child

[checkeredredshorts]

There seems to be a new trend on Mumsnet where everyone wants to be so laid back and lax and leave their kids to do whatever.

There was a thread last week where people were actually justifying leaving babies at home alone to do the school run.

The mind boggles.

Just being a normal parent is fine! With normal boundaries and age appropriate supervision. If some people this is following them around like security guards, fine! I know my kid are safe.

[formerbabe]

So you don't let them have any freedom - you follow them around like a security guard

What a weird comment. Where did I say I don't let them have freedom. Accompanying an eight year old to the park is not behaving like a security guard...it's an ordinary thing for a parent to do.

[bert3400]

@formerbabe "I've found a revolutionary way around that problem. I go with them"

So you don't let them have any freedom - you follow them around like a security guard - I'm so glad I had a childhood where I wasn't followed around by my parents 😳

[MummyWallflower]

This comment from Pa1oma sums up my own experience and many, many others:

As a child, I lived in an extremely rural location in another country and basically ran wild in the midst of nowhere. People now would probably get all nostalgic and say, how “charming” and “idyllic.” “The good old days” when people weren’t paranoid and “everyone looked out for one another” in the village. Ha! I never told my parents about the boys who used to expose themselves to us when we were about 5 because “these things didn’t happen.” The lonely (and looking back, blatantly creepy) man who used to sit by the river and watched us paddle about - what was his agenda? Nobody ever thought to ask? Being groped by older boys? Oh, they’re just playing. A friend has been beaten up? Oh, he fell off a rock. Plenty happened, I can tell you, while we were all enjoying our freedom. It’s easy to look back with rose-tinted lenses.