To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

I can’t imagine not letting them play out. I grew up in the New Forest and had a lot of freedom. I let my kids have the same freedoms. I live in Essex now, but they went to the park etc alone from 7 or so.

Also the emotive words about how I ‘took’ or have ‘taken’ him from the park. No. We were leaving and he told us he lived near us so I asked if he’d like follow along with us as we were going the same direction.

You said you 'encouraged' him to leave with you.

To be honest he seemed glad to have someone to play with and some company.

He probably was. 8 year olds are like that. He was also probably happy before you arrived too.

I also find it contradictory that people are saying that because I did that, he’d have less sense next time.

Of course you do, because it suits you to think that. The truth is though; you 'encouraged' him to leave the park with you, another adult.

Maybe that’s because he is 8 and shouldn’t have been out alone in the first place.

This is not your call though. It is not up to you to police other people's parenting decisions.

It’s not scraping their leg or something that would worry me. It’s the fact that anyone could drag them into a car! It takes seconds. Or frighten them in some way. Dangerous people live among us, many of them in small villages and areas where “nothing ever happens.”

Yes we all played out as children and I’m sure there were just as many paedophiles then. The difference was, there wasn’t the same awareness if these things as there is today. People were naive. Children were being abused and left in risky situations, within families and outside - it just got hushed up.

what about the little welsh girl who was taken a few years ago?

She has a fucking name.

Why should an 8 year old have to deal and learn that?

Learn to deal with what? Falling off a bike?

Most kids learn how to deal with falling as toddlers. Are you actually wrapping your child in cotton wool OP?

That's a bit aggressive @needsomesleepy !

Do you entice children away from the park often OP? I thought he sounded quite sensible cycling in the middle of the road after being enticed away from the park, kept his distance so he could get away if you made a grab for him

Well why don’t you state her name then needsomesleepy, rather than referring to it alongside the f word? Very aggressive and unnecessary tone.

In 3 short years this child will be in secondary school. He’ll be travelling alone, often as it gets dark. He’ll have to navigate the social factors of being in an environment filled with other children and young people up to the age of 18. He’ll be able to readily access drugs and alcohol.

These early independences teach confidence, self worth, social interaction and the ability to make good choices.

He’s growing up.

Who says it's not ok to leave an 8 year old at home? Not the law.

‘The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.‘

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

BUT, saying that it was actually illegal, here is why I’d say it was safer than leaving your child at home:

The park can’t catch fire from leaving something on the stove or an electrical fault

Can’t have an accident like spilling boiling water on yourself from trying to make a hot drink in the park

Lots of people in the park (usually) who would intervene (as you did) if the kid was doing something stupid

To name a few.

3 years is a long time when you’re 8!

OP do you know anything about cycling? When cycling on roads you are supposed to ‘take the lane’ (ride assertively in centre of the lane) as this is safer.

This lad sounds like he’s been taught well, is enjoying a bit of independence at an appropriate age, and an all-round fab lad not to be festering at home on an x-box.

*The park can’t catch fire from leaving something on the stove or an electrical fault

Can’t have an accident like spilling boiling water on yourself from trying to make a hot drink in the park

Lots of people in the park (usually) who would intervene (as you did) if the kid was doing something stupid*

Valid points and I agree with you. I wouldn’t leave my 8 year old home alone either. But there are countless things that could happen at the park or on the way to. Accidents, strange adults, getting lost, not keeping track of time, older kids, finding bottles/needles, hit by cars or other bikes, standing on glass (again, has happened to me as a child in a park). The possibilities are pretty much endless.

There was a thread a couple of weeks ago of a mum suggesting she could leave her two children asleep whilst she popped to the gym in the morning, and if I remember rightly one of the children was older than 8. So I fail to see why that was a terrible idea and worthy of lambasting the woman, yet sending a child of the same age or younger to the streets and park on their own is a-ok

As a child, I lived in an extremely rural location in another country and basically ran wild in the midst of nowhere. People now would probably get all nostalgic and say, how “charming” and “idyllic.” “The good old days” when people weren’t paranoid and “everyone looked out for one another” in the village. Ha! I never told my parents about the boys who used to expose themselves to us when we were about 5 because “these things didn’t happen.” The lonely (and looking back, blatantly creepy) man who used to sit by the river and watched us paddle about - what was his agenda? Nobody ever thought to ask? Being groped by older boys? Oh, they’re just playing. A friend has been beaten up? Oh, he fell off a rock. Plenty happened, I can tell you, while we were all enjoying our freedom. It’s easy to look back with rose-tinted lenses.

In 3 short years this child will be in secondary school

3 years is nearly half an eight year olds life. They change massively during that time. It's a ridiculous justification. My ds was not allowed out by himself at 8. He's now 11 and off to secondary school. He is able to go out by himself now to the park/shop/school. Not being allowed out alone at 8 hasn't hindered his independence or progress.

It’s all very area/culture-dependent. We live abroad, and my 5 and 6 yos go to the park a couple of minutes from our house on their own. We have rules (if one wants to come home, they must both come home, etc) and I check on them from time to time. They’ll also walk to their local school alone together from September. Early, boundaried independence is encouraged here, and the children react well to it. There is no hard and fast age when a child can be let out alone!

It want me that referee to April.

I may well be aggressive but when referring to a murdered child I can't help but have emotion. Unlike the Op who was completely dismissive and could even be bothered to give the wee angel a name.

*wasnt

The difference was, there wasn’t the same awareness if these things as there is today
There absolutely was. We were constantly warned by school, parents and infomercials

I wouldn't think anything of it, it depresses me seeing kids with no freedom these days. How else are they supposed to learn how to do things and handle situations independently? There have to be some risks sometimes, scary as that is.

I wouldn't have been seen dead with my mum in a park by that age, we were all playing out alone by 6 or 7. In a rural location, but we were hardly the rowdiest kids either. It was just normal.

At 11, kids do not want to play in the park ffs, unless it's mucking about with their friends. So when do they ever have time to play independently but still innocently away from their parents?

I still don’t understand the differentiation between leaving 2 children of a similar, or I believe it was older age, sleeping in their beds while mum pops to the gym (with full knowledge of telling the children beforehand). And sending kids of that age off to navigate the streets and park...

I wouldn’t do either, I just don’t understand why she got lambasted if we’re cool with this scenario?

Why should an 8 year old have to deal and learn that? They are 8! What is wrong with waiting for a couple of years until they are 10/11 and they’ve more life experience etc. Also there are a lot of people saying they let their 8 year olds out with sibling or friends. Not allowed out alone to roam around the streets and park.

Well how are they going to get life experience if they are not allowed out.You cant suddenly fling them out at 11 and say there you go.You have to start when the kids are younger.They have to learn how to get out of mistakes and learn how to handle themselves.

And as someone whose mother was very over protective,i missed out on friendships.,I missed out of life experiences and how to navigate certain things.And now im 46 its very hard.As a lot of the people i was in school with have life long friendships.Something i never had.So its far reaching.

How utterly disrespectful to use someone else's tragedy to 'prove your point' about someone else's child. You can't even be arsed to use April's name, which proves how insignificant the details are to you, so long as you're proved right.

Yes you're a wonderful parent, that lads parents are shit, you're right, everyone else is wrong. Congratulations on your victory. Feel better?

Also I'm not sure how you think an 11 year old is suddenly going to have life experience if they are never allowed to do anything without their helicopter parent there, but that's by the by, you're still right op.

Ah, another ‘AIBU?’ ‘Yes’ ‘no I’m not!’ thread.

Yes you are OP. You weren’t a kiddy fiddler or kidnapper. And it was none of your business what that child was doing. Of course he wanted to play with your child; it’s more fun than playing on your own. You didn’t do anything wrong in saying you lived near by and it was nice of you to see him home, but totally unnecessary. His parents are happy for him to play on his own, it isn’t the first time he’s done it (according to your later drop feeds) so just move on.

You’re also not at fault for not letting your hold play out on their own. It’s called parenting, and different parents do it differently.

I seem to have hit a nerve with some people on this thread.

Someone mentioned the Soham Murders earlier, no actual mention of the girls names, but didn’t get jumped on in the same way I have.

I didn’t have or know the little girls name to hand, and was asked for recent examples of abductions.