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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

321 replies

MummyWallflower · 24/06/2019 19:20

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

OP posts:
Aaarrgghh · 25/06/2019 13:22

redvelvet6 You should try not to worry so much it won’t be good for your kids. Yes children are kidnapped and murdered and all sorts of horrible crap in between but, kids are also murdered in their beds, by their parents, at school. So what do you do? Keep them attached to you all the time? We can’t live everyday thinking we will be killed, it’s not healthy. Take precautions but don’t avoid letting your children grow up a bit. Plenty of adults are murdered to, I know as I’m a huge true crime fan. But it’s not a reason to not allow a child independence as they get older.

checkeredredshorts · 25/06/2019 13:22

I'm assuming people are talking about cycling five minutes down the road to the park fgs.

Not all parks are on quiet little lanes with little traffic Confused

wishywashy6 · 25/06/2019 13:22

Our local park is 2 minutes from our house. My 9 year old and 6 year old go without me, although usually in a group with all the kids from our street (about 8 of them ages between 10 and 5)
The riding the bike down the road is a separate issue I guess but I don't think playing out without parental supervision at 8 is a big deal personally

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 25/06/2019 13:24

"Not all parks are on quiet little lanes with little traffic"

And where did I say they were?

So much extrapolation in this thread. I really wonder how people get through life.

checkeredredshorts · 25/06/2019 13:29

I'm assuming people are talking about cycling five minutes down the road to the park fgs.

Just because it's 5 minutes down the road doesn't mean it's safe for an 8 year old to cycle unsupervised.

TwoPupsAndaHamster · 25/06/2019 13:32

what about the little welsh girl who was taken a few years ago

April Jones was abducted and killed by a family friend. The majority of child murders are carried out by people known to them.

It's best you don't have friends OP. You can't trust friends around your DS. It's very unsafe. Best you go NC with your family too. Dont, ever, allow a family member to babysit your DS. Anything could happen... Hmm

Pa1oma · 25/06/2019 13:33

Your child could get taken from your front garden fgs. Anywhere out of sight. Why risk it?

formerbabe · 25/06/2019 13:36

This thread is really weird. It's like a strange game of who can be the coolest, most easy going, lax parent.

Pa1oma · 25/06/2019 13:39

“ Dont, ever, allow a family member to babysit your DS. Anything could happen... hmm”

Yes and “anything” does happen. To god only knows how many children worldwide, every second of the day. Not something to joke about.

challengeaway · 25/06/2019 13:40

YABU When my DS was 8, he was out on his own at the park. When DD was 8 she was not out on her own at the park. DD wouldn't of coped so didn't but DS could and did.

You know nothing about this child and have judged him based on your own child and his capabilities.

JaniceBattersby · 25/06/2019 13:48

The number of small children abducted and killed in this country is so incredibly small that you can pretty much name the majority of them

Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman
Sarah Payne
Millie Dowler
April Jones
James Bulger

We can’t keep a generation of kids within eyesight at all times because of the incredibly rare chance they might be abducted and killed.

And riding in the road is not ideal but most cars in residential areas will spot a child in this situation and slow down accordingly.

TwoPupsAndaHamster · 25/06/2019 13:54

Yes and “anything” does happen. To god only knows how many children worldwide, every second of the day. Not something to joke about

Who's joking about it? I pointed out to OP that most child murders are carried out by people known to them. Fact!

Original poster
MummyWallflower · 25/06/2019 13:55

I’m not sure why people keep jumping to the child abduction argument.

What about the many number of things mentioned on this thread? Injury, accident, strange adults (such as my mother’s story regarding a man taking photographs), older children, witnessing things unsuitable for an 8 year old...

I wonder what the response would be if a mother came on here saying they’d let their 8 year old bike ride alone and they’d been hit by a car and injured. Would they get lambasted or would the response be it wasn’t their fault and will teach their child good road sense Hmm

OP posts:
ralphfromlordoftheflies · 25/06/2019 13:55

*Who says it's not ok to leave an 8 year old at home? Not the law.

‘The law doesn’t say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.‘
*
https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alonee**

BUT, saying that it was actually illegal, here is why I’d say it was safer than leaving your child at home:

The park can’t catch fire from leaving something on the stove or an electrical fault

Can’t have an accident like spilling boiling water on yourself from trying to make a hot drink in the park

Lots of people in the park (usually) who would intervene (as you did) if the kid was doing something stupid*

Yes, they are valid reasons why you wouldn't leave an 8 year old at home unsupervised. And that is why the general consensus on MN is that it's not safe. There are also many potential risks involved in allowing an 8 year old to go to the park unsupervised. It's the same principle Confused

BatFacedGirl · 25/06/2019 13:56

@formerbabe spot on. Put it like this, it wouldn't be my little boy on his bike in a park alone. Bloody hell, I wouldn't let my 12 year old son do this! He goes out but only somewhere specific and with friends. He doesn't aimlessly roam alone.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 25/06/2019 14:01

He goes out but only somewhere specific and with friends. He doesn't aimlessly roam alone.

Really good point - I would trust an 8 year old much more with getting independently to a known destination, than hanging around idle with friends and random others.

Original poster
MummyWallflower · 25/06/2019 14:09

Exactly ralphfromlordoftheflies. But whenever you point out this inconsistency it’s conveniently ignored. So why isn’t it okay to leave a child home alone to go to the gym/shopping, but ok to let an 8 year old bike ride alone on the roads and go to the park?

OP posts:
Lizzie3869 · 25/06/2019 14:09

An 8 year old riding a bike, on a road, alone, is utterly ridiculous and the parents should be ashamed they allowed their child to be in such a vulnerable situation. They could have easily been run over or knocked off their bike.

This is what's being overlooked. Roads are much busier than when a lot of us were children and were able to roam free on our bikes (which I was too).

I think it's much better to focus on this risk than on potential abductions, which just make you sound ridiculously OTT. Abductions are so rare and they often turn out not to have been by strangers. In the Soham case, for example, Huntley was not a stranger, he was the girls' TA's boyfriend and the school caretaker.

Pa1oma · 25/06/2019 14:12

Twopups - you were using that phrase about family members or babysitters being potential risks in the sense of “how ridiculous”, but many, many people are or have been abused by family members or babysitters and they may well have very valid trust issues as a result of this going forward. They are not ridiculous for feeling that way. It happens - more than people even realise. It’s anything but unusual.

Even if you haven’t been abused by a family member, this has nothing to do with what could happen to 8-year olds outside on their own. It doesn’t have to be abduction, though the thought of that alone would be enough for me. It could be being approached by the wrong people / other children; gang influences; bullying; flashers; witnessing drug use - the list goes on. And I can’t believe some people say, “Oh it’s fine as my 8 year-old always has their phone”. Confused I just don’t know what to say to this.

Original poster
MummyWallflower · 25/06/2019 14:13

The thing is, people are hooking onto child abductions and peadophiles even though lots of potential issues have been raised.

And I’m yet to have anyone explain the difference between leaving an 8 year old home alone for half an hour vs. bike riding on roads and being alone in the park for half an hour. Saying a house has a risk of electrical fires when a park has the risk of falling in glass or injury on equipment or being hit by a car, isn’t a valid argument for or against the other. So what’s the difference?

OP posts:
Lizzie3869 · 25/06/2019 14:16

I don't allow my 10 year old DD1 (10) to go to the park on her own. But that's because she's emotionally immature and has SEN. It really does depend on how mature the 8 year old is.

dustarr73 · 25/06/2019 14:20

I’m not sure why people keep jumping to the child abduction argument.

@MummyWallflower if i remember rightly,you are the one that brought it up first

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 25/06/2019 14:20

There's a wide open park outside my house. All the local kids go there. Parents don't really set foot on there unless they have a toddler.
Youngest one that regularly goes is 4 and in nursery. Totally normal for our area.

Depends on where you live I guess. Most children walk to school too, many unaccompanied even as young as 6 or 7. It's right in the middle of our nice little housing estate and I only go on the school run because I enjoy taking my 9 & 7yo in.

bert3400 · 25/06/2019 14:20

I played out from 5. There are no more child killers or predators than 50 years ago, just our perception has changed. Good for the mum for letting her kid play out . Parents get moaned at for thier kids being in too much then get moaned at for letting them out to play - can't bloody win Confused

Natsku · 25/06/2019 14:20

So why isn’t it okay to leave a child home alone to go to the gym/shopping, but ok to let an 8 year old bike ride alone on the roads and go to the park?

Well for some of us (my entire country) it is just as ok to leave an 8 year old home alone while you go to the shop as it is to let them go to the park alone. The difference though for most on mumsnet probably is partly the misconception that it's not legal to leave them home alone because the law doesn't set a clear age and partly because it's just not the norm in the UK to leave children home alone at that age but that doesn't mean it's not ok for the average NT 8 year old.