To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

Probably because you said 'What if I'd been Myra Hindley'

Im not sure why people keep jumping to the child abduction argument

It was you who mentioned predators and 'pedofiles' in your very first post OP. Are we no longer required to discuss subjects you, yourself, raised?

BTW it is perfectly normal, in my area, for 8 year olds to play out without adult supervision. They ride bikes too. I've lived within this area all my life. Never have any child been abducted from the park. Whenever they have an accident they either get up and walk home or one of their friends run to get an adult to help - usually whichever of their parents live nearest the incident. I have never heard of anyone falling off their bike and getting run over either.

It is considered more abnormal for 8 year olds not to play out in my area. Obviously there are other areas that are not safe.

It's up to each parent to decide what is and what is not safe for their own child. Parents know their own children best and parent according to their children's individual needs, taking environmental factors into consideration.

Schools, in my area, encourage year 3 children (7 year olds) to walk to and from school in their friendship groups. We live in a very small village. School is no more than a 5 minute walk for any pupil.

Parents get moaned at for thier kids being in too much then get moaned at for letting them out to play - can't bloody win

I've found a revolutionary way around that problem. I go with them.

What about the many number of things mentioned on this thread? Injury, accident, strange adults (such as my mother’s story regarding a man taking photographs), older children, witnessing things unsuitable for an 8 year old...

And you where in this case the "strange person".You used your child to get to another child.And then you got the child to leave with you.Thats incredibly dodgy on so many levels.

I have to ask,because idont think i have seen it but how old i your child @MummyWallflower

I also mentioned the bike issue in my OP which lots have ignored. Many other issues have been raise since which have also been ignored.

So why does a parent get shouted down at even the mere suggestion of an 8 year old being left home alone but cycling alone to parks is a-okay? I really don't get the double standard on here, but I am open to someone explaining to me the fundamental differences with regards to safety of being left home alone vs. cycling alone to parks.

Probably 19 :)

I don't see the relevancy of the ages of my children to this thread. I have also worked for years with children and their parents. Most parents in the area, as well as the personal relationships I have with parents of my own DC, would not allow their 8 year olds to cycle and play in the park unaccompanied. Through my work I have experience with children from 4 all the way up to 16. But again, what is the relevancy of this, or are you going to argue that if I have young children I will be lax and cool once they get to age 8?

Whether an 8 year old should stay home alone depends on the maturity of the child, how long he would be required to stay on his own, whether grandparents or neighbours are available to keep an eye on him if it's going to be considerable length of time. If I needed to pop to the shop I would most probably send the 8 year old to the shop. If he was busy I would pop to the shop and leave him to it. All my 8 year olds were capable of being on their own for the 15/20 mins it would take to go to the shop and back. If I was late, for whatever reason - because I fell, got abducted or died I know they would have enough sense to alert a neighbour or family member.

Again whether a child is allowed or not allowed depends on the child, the parents, environmental factors and the area in general.

There is no right or wrong way to parent.

@MummyWallflower because if you have a 3 year old and not an 8 year old.Its not a like for like scenerio.You could well change your mind when your child hits that age.And if your child is older ,cut teh apron strings.

@MadamMMA

Yanbu. 8 is too young.

I could say my children are 30 and be accused of lying, I am sure I will be accused of lying about my job and working with children too. Of course I now have to be some hermit with no experience of 8 year olds. I am sure everyone else who has agreed with me on this thread also has zero experience of 8 year olds, so couldn't possibly understand how mature 8 year olds are to handle every possible scenario thrown at them.

Cycling on the road terrifies me even as an adult so I get that argument (thankfully where I live it's the law to cycle on the pavement unless there are signs saying otherwise)

Perhaps I have just been incredibly unlucky in that every person, family member and friend, I know (including myself) has had a bad experience when out as a child, ranging from accidents, injury, strange adults all the way to serious sexual assaults. I am all for building resilience in children, but there are sensible precautions. Most eight year olds aren't mature enough to deal with strange people, injuries, accidents, older kids etc. There is a difference between an eight year old seeing a flasher and a 14 year old. You would expect in most cases the 14 year old to be much more worldly and equipped to deal with it. A difference between an eight year old falling in glass and an 11 year old. Of course there are exceptions, I am sure some 8 year olds are incredibly capable, but the consensus in my area is that 8 year olds aren't mature enough to be roaming the streets and the park at 7pm in the evening.

YABU

I have an 8 year old. I’d allow the park but not the cycling. I’d leave ds on his own to nip out for up to 30 mins. However, not uk and kids here get more independence- they can get off the school bus and go home from the stop on their own from beginning of year 3 and not unusual for 10 year olds to get taxis on their own.

So did you report to the school?

You clearly weren’t asking opinions. You were trying to prove how amazing and conscientious you were. Slight fail.

Thinking back, I’d have died of shame if my Mum had accompanied me to the park when I was eight!

I wouldn’t let my 10 year old go to the park on her own personally. It just doesn’t feel sensible or safe in my mind. Don’t think you should report this incident though based on how many people think differently.

Typical presumptuous mumsnet Rachie1973.

I was looking for opinions on whether other parents deemed this acceptable, then disagreed with my own opinion on it. The community and area that we live in does not support letting 8 year olds cycle to the park alone, whether other peoples does is down to the area in which they live. If there were heaps of 8 year olds doing all of the above alone then it wouldn't have been such an odd and alarming occurrence to me.

In support of this I told this exact story to a group of mum friends who also have DC of varying ages in the community this morning. All of them were appalled at the thought of letting an 8 year old cycle to and from a park and play there alone at 7pm. It just isn't the done thing here.

I also think a lot of the responses are generational and a lot of people are looking back with rose tinted glasses. As another poster pointed out, all sorts happened when we were younger but all most seem to remember is 'all the amazing freedom' and 'not sitting inside all day'. When in fact, there were lots of things happening that shouldn't have been and weren't age appropriate. I wasn't allowed out until the summer of Year 6/7, and witnessed/experienced some horrible things growing up. Things I found scarring and alarming at age 12/13, which I have no idea how an eight year old would cope with. And no that is not me being a 'snowflake.' That is things like being approached by strange men and being assaulted by older kids and adults. I am not alone with these experiences either, as I said most of my friends and family can point out some pretty terrible things themselves which happened at varying ages. Things an 8 year old shouldn't have to deal with when a parent could accompany them until they are more emotionally mature.

This comment from Pa1oma sums up my own experience and many, many others:

As a child, I lived in an extremely rural location in another country and basically ran wild in the midst of nowhere. People now would probably get all nostalgic and say, how “charming” and “idyllic.” “The good old days” when people weren’t paranoid and “everyone looked out for one another” in the village. Ha! I never told my parents about the boys who used to expose themselves to us when we were about 5 because “these things didn’t happen.” The lonely (and looking back, blatantly creepy) man who used to sit by the river and watched us paddle about - what was his agenda? Nobody ever thought to ask? Being groped by older boys? Oh, they’re just playing. A friend has been beaten up? Oh, he fell off a rock. Plenty happened, I can tell you, while we were all enjoying our freedom. It’s easy to look back with rose-tinted lenses.

@formerbabe "I've found a revolutionary way around that problem. I go with them"

So you don't let them have any freedom - you follow them around like a security guard - I'm so glad I had a childhood where I wasn't followed around by my parents 😳

So you don't let them have any freedom - you follow them around like a security guard

What a weird comment. Where did I say I don't let them have freedom. Accompanying an eight year old to the park is not behaving like a security guard...it's an ordinary thing for a parent to do.

There seems to be a new trend on Mumsnet where everyone wants to be so laid back and lax and leave their kids to do whatever.

There was a thread last week where people were actually justifying leaving babies at home alone to do the school run.

The mind boggles.

Just being a normal parent is fine! With normal boundaries and age appropriate supervision. If some people this is following them around like security guards, fine! I know my kid are safe.

My 8 year old isn’t ready yet even though the park is pretty much across the road

Lots of children that age and younger go without parents or play out together on the street around the corner from us

Ds2 was walking to school by 8 and it was quite a way so it depends on the child