To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

Exactly how do you think 8 year olds develop emotional maturity and common sense OP? It's not by following Mum around.

Not by being shown porn by 13 year olds or given a swig of alcohol or finding things to set fire to either. All the 8 year olds I see out doing this stuff presumably have parents who believe their kids are mature enough to make good choices, but I see them not doing so.

And before anyone asks what hellhole I live in, kids were doing similar stuff in the lovely suburb I grew up in, except it was sniffing aerosol and taping German bangers together to blow stuff up. The kids who didn't have to stay in sight went in "the back field" or an old farm, and did way too much way too young.

“Exactly how do you think 8 year olds develop emotional maturity and common sense OP? It's not by following Mum around.”

Er yes...it’s exactly by following mum around. Over the weekend, I was walking through South Kensington with DC, 16, 14 and 11. Three men, high as kites, were walking alongside us, saying bizarre things to us and I was a bit on edge to be honest. We couldn’t get away unless we had actually legged it off. Anyway, I just kept wondering how they would have handled it if I want there because I wasn’t sure myself. DS is 6 ft 6, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to handle everything.

These things can happen any second. All sorts of people approach you daily, asking for money. Cat-calling in the street. Groups of youths staring at you. People shouting bizarre things in the streets. Mentally ill people on buses. Strangers lurking in parks. DC learn how to deal with these things by watching how parents do it.

Btw I'm interested to see that people's primary fears are paedophiles and (to a lesser extent) traffic. In my experience, by the time they are 8 or 9, their peers and older kids and their own lack of judgement are much bigger risks.

I hate threads like this where parents, usually mothers, are made out to be over protective, hysterical, mother hen types because they want their children to be safe and looked after by a responsible adult when they're out.

OP, do you not realise that these terrible stories of child abduction are big news because they are so rare. Children are most at risk from people they know.

Playing out at 8 is totally normal.

I let mine play in our neighbouring park at 7 or 8. They were always with friends and those short times playing without supervision very gently gave them independence.

The parents who were openly tutting at me as late as the start of Year 6 for allowing my child to go to school and back on their own were all of a sudden very jealous at the end of Year 6 when they realised that my child would be able to walk to secondary on their own without any trauma and they were belatedly busy coaching their little snowflakes in independence.

Let them roam free.

I wasn’t allowed out alone until Year 7 when I was expected to go to school with a friend.

I didn’t cry or have a breakdown and wasn’t a snowflake, just had the sense to navigate roads and buses and the other dangers by then. Not letting your kids out at 8 doesn’t turn them into blubbering messes. It’s always extremes with mumsnet.

Starting the move towards independence in year 7 is more risky because that's a peak age for risk-taking behaviour and being utter idiots to show off in front of their friends. Better for them to learn to roam independently when they are still at an age when they follow the road rules without worrying whether their friends will think they are cool or not.

"Not by being shown porn by 13 year olds or given a swig of alcohol or finding things to set fire to either. All the 8 year olds I see out doing this stuff presumably have parents who believe their kids are mature enough to make good choices, but I see them not doing so. "

Everyone chooses to bring their kids up differently. Personally, I'd rather take those risks than risk my kids being overly-coddled. Where we live, the teenagers don't hang around in the same places as the little kids and have no interest in talking to them any way. No doubt they could sometimes get up to no good. There are plenty of things I did that would have made my mum's hair stand on end, I'm sure. The vast majority of kids survive and grow up to be normal, functioning members of society.

As long as you have open doors of communication and they feel they can talk to you, I don't think there's any harm in giving them some freedom. Otherwise they end up like all those first year students who go nuts in freshers week and get blackout drunk every night because they never got to touch a sip of alcohol.

"I hate threads like this where parents, usually mothers, are made out to be over protective, hysterical, mother hen types because they want their children to be safe and looked after by a responsible adult when they're out."

Or people just have a different opinion to you? That is allowed.

"Starting the move towards independence in year 7 is more risky because that's a peak age for risk-taking behaviour and being utter idiots to show off in front of their friends. Better for them to learn to roam independently when they are still at an age when they follow the road rules without worrying whether their friends will think they are cool or not."

Totally agree.

I have been pretty surprised at the responses on this thread!

I think 8 is too young to go out without an adult or much older child to supervise. Maybe a park literally on the doorstep with no roads to cross but I imagine that set up isn't very common.

An 8 year old riding a bike, on a road, alone, is utterly ridiculous and the parents should be ashamed they allowed their child to be in such a vulnerable situation. They could have easily been run over or knocked off their bike.

They could also get hurt using the equipment at the park. I fell from a climbing frame and broke my arm in 2 places when I was 11. It was pretty awful having to make my own way home in that state, never mind an 8 year old.

I think about 9 going on 10 would be more reasonable to allow to do these things unsupervised. They are approaching their last years in primary school and can build up some confidence and independence going out without parents. There isn't actually any need to send them out alone earlier

This isn't about being over protective and not letting kids grow up or trying to instil fear in them. It's basic parenting and ensuring they are safe until they are old enough to take some responsibility for themselves.

"An 8 year old riding a bike, on a road, alone, is utterly ridiculous and the parents should be ashamed they allowed their child to be in such a vulnerable situation. They could have easily been run over or knocked off their bike."

And yet hundreds of children do it daily with no repercussions.

Frankly I'd be more ashamed of an 11 year old who'd never been to the park alone before.

8 is fine.
Most abuse etc happens to children left with people they know well - so statistically speaking, they are a lot safer with strangers.....
The boy talked to you. he didn’t ask for a lift, go in your car or in your house.
Whether the cycling was concerning depends entirely on the road.

I grew up in northern Europe where the norms regarding what is appropriate at what age are different. We are planning on having kids in a few years and I'm already freaked out about how UK norms are so different and im pretty sure social services will pick up my kid when I let them go out, walk home from school or be home alone.

And yet hundreds of children do it daily with no repercussions.

Doesn't matter how many do it with no repercussions. There is absolutely no need to allow an 8 year old to cycle alone on a road.

If you trust them to go to a nearby park alone then they can walk and stay on the pavement.

I personally think 8 is still too young for either but each to their own. It's the riding a bike on a road alone that I can't get my head around anybody thinking is a sensible idea.

It makes me laugh when people try and justify letting 8 year-olds roam about the streets unsupervised as “teaching them independence” or “preventing snowflakes.” Utter nonsense on every level.

It’s a bit like the other boll*cks argument on MN - “All DC must be doing their own laundry at age 8, or they’ll NEVER be able to function as adults who do laundry and it will all be your fault.”

Well I don’t expect my own DC to do their own laundry. One day, when DS wanted his bedding washed when he was about 12, he just did it. Not rocket science, is it, if you can read and you have arms. And they don’t need “independence” at 8 to be independent later either. When they’re ready, they’re ready and that’s that. Plus, travelling to school and back is totally different to riding bikes around parks in the evening.

YABVU - nothing wrong with that at 8.

A lot of people on this thread seem unaware that people live in quite different places. I'm sure if I lived in central London I might not be keen to let my 8 year old go out alone, but rural Northumberland is quite different. This isn't a situation where one size fits all.

"Doesn't matter how many do it with no repercussions. There is absolutely no need to allow an 8 year old to cycle alone on a road."

So when are they ok to cycle on the road?

When are they supposed to learn?

I could cycle when I was five or whatever, so by eight, I was pretty competent and we lived more or less in the countryside, so there weren't many cars around. I was hardly pedalling down the M25.

They have to start somewhere though.They dont suddenly wake up at 18 and know everything.[Even though they like to think it]

Little and age ready stuff is the way to go.

My 8 year old isnt allowed to the park ,thats because its across a really busy main road.Hes allowed to the football pitch at the end of my road.He goes to school and comes home again.So to me thats fine.You dont have to agree,but its not your call.And its not neglect.

So when are they ok to cycle on the road?

When are they supposed to learn?

This is so bizarre...there is no need to learn all necessary life skills by the age of eight. We can't learn to drive until we're 17 and most people manage that ok.

So when are they ok to cycle on the road?

When they have complete traffic awareness and fully understand road signs and signals which I very much doubt is at age 8!

Obviously this will vary between kids and a specific age can't be put on it but I don't think an 8 year old should be left to cycle the roads alone.

We are talking about kids being in charge of a bike on a road where cars lorries and buses are whizzing around. It's a big responsibility to keep themselves and others safe.

I find it more concerning that you used your child to gather information. Eight is fine to be at the park alone, I think some kids walk to school at this age.

Our local park is in a supposedly safe area of London. You never see 8 year-olds alone. It didn’t stop my friend’s Pomeranian being mauled by some vicious bull-terrier cross breed in front of a group of toddlers. The group of teen boys couldn’t handle the dog and god knows why they were in the playground in the first place.

I take the point about London and other cities maybe being slightly different, but in some ways I think cities are safer too. It’s often in remote areas where teens are bored because there’s nothing to do, hanging around playgrounds and getting up to no good (with or without vicious dogs). It only takes one car to hit a child. Country lanes can be just as dangerous as main roads. And paedophiles are just as likely to be in the country as in town.

What you do see now are groups of quite young teens (or even younger) wearing no helmets and on mountain bikes, riding in herds and doing wheelies all the way. This is quite common now, even in places like Piccadilly Circus. London Bridge seems to be another favourite area for this freestyle wheelie bike riding. It’s so dangerous and off-putting as a driver to have some kid swerving and wobbling in front of you doing a wheelie all the way down a five lane road like Park Lane! They swerve in front of buses and it’s chaos. Its obviously a fashion at the moment, but I always think, who the hell are the parents who allow this kind of thing? And why don’t the police stop them before they kill themselves ir someone else?

I wouldn't be happy with it at that age tbh , but every child is different and i feel this way because the park nearby has teenagers dealing drugs in it all the time and the police are called there weekly! When I was 7 and my sister 11 we would go out and play together quite far from home but we looked out for each other .

Each to their own I think!

"When they have complete traffic awareness and fully understand road signs and signals which I very much doubt is at age 8!"

Look, you don't see kids cycling about the city centre, generally, do you?

I'm assuming people are talking about cycling five minutes down the road to the park fgs.

"This is so bizarre...there is no need to learn all necessary life skills by the age of eight. We can't learn to drive until we're 17 and most people manage that ok."

What's bizarre is that you interpreted an awful lot from my comment that wasn't there.