To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

YABU. all kids are different. My DD is 8 and if we lived near enough a park I'd let her go alone. My DS is 10 and I can't see him being sensible enough to do much on his own for some time yet. In the quiet village where we used to live kids from 8ish would be playing out after school this time of year.
Cycling down the middle of the road.. What sort of road are we talking about? Quiet little estate road, YABU, main through route, maybe yes not ideal.
Talking to you, meh. You had a small child with you. He didn't get in your car, he was on a hike so could have ridden off if he felt threatened. I actually think it's not helpful to teach kids not to trust adults or ever speak to them given that 99.9% of them will be safe and help them if they are in trouble.

It's a little young but not ridiculously so. He was only a short distance away from home and 6.30pm in mid summer is not particularly late to be out.
He got home safely and was simply chatting to you - not getting into a strangers car or anything more risky.
I think you need to accept the parenting styles of different people vary and people have different risk tolerances.
You are being rather interfering IMO. It wasn't your place to tell him when to go home or where to cycle.
How old is your own child?

After a van with dodgy men where stalking a number of boys in the age gap 7-10 in our town there is not many kids allowed out on their own. The men went to different parks but fortunately none of the kids where on their own, had phones and knew to report this back home. Alerts to all the parents in town was sent and police became involved. No one was kidnapped but it can happen to a lone child 5 minutes from home. These kids all lived close to their respective parks.

There have been cases of couples abducting children where a child is involved to make the abductee more comfortable, or the woman pretends to be pregnant...

I wonder, if there was a news story of an 8 year old being out alone at the park in the evening and being abducted, would the attitude on here be different?

YABU. Many 8 year old can cope with going to the park 5 minutes from home. On quiet residential streets, riding your bike down the middle of the road may well be the best way to cycle - avoiding parked cars and people pulling out for example. 6.30 in midsummer is in no way late or dangerous.

When I was younger I always remember being told that if I was lost or needed help that I should approach a mum with children. It’s not like he was making chit chat with a bloke wanking in a bush.

It's his parent's decision to make though, OP. Presumably, they know him better than you and, tbh, a woman with a similarly aged child is very unlikely to be on the hunt for kids to abduct. Yes, it happens, but it's like that Manchester Arena concert - do we stop kids going to all concerts in future in case something bad happens?

Everyone’s risk threshold is very different based on their own experiences and views. My 8 year old plays out and goes to park alone. We live in a small town, know everyone there are no roads to cross and she is very sensible. She has a watch and is allowed for a set time. If she is late back (not that she has been) she wouldnt be allowed again.
She will walk the 10min (with one manned crossing) to school on her own next year. It’s very common from this age where we live.

My brother lives in a big city and his 9 year old DD isn’t allowed to play out - busy road, don’t know neighbours, slightly less sensible child.

It’s situational. In my DD situation it’s fine. In others it might not be.
I want my child to have little bits of independence (partly the reason we live where we do) so that she doesn’t get to high school and be unable to make decisions or choices when out and about because she has had no experience of it.
Children are far more at risk from their parents/other family members/neighbours than from “Myra Hindley” characters.

You clearly don't think you're wrong OP so pretty pointless asking really.

OP get a fucking grip and stop with all the horror stories, unwrap your child from the cotton wool and give him some independence.

But you have to work on the basis of likelihood of risk. Anything COULD happen at anytime and children do have to learn independence somewhere along the line. Adults get killed / kidnapped very occasionally. It's awful but not a reason to never go out. As many people on here will tell you, the vast majority of child abusers are not strangers.

So what is your AIBU? As you clearly don’t think you are, so...

Report to the school a child was out playing?
Do you not think teachers are overworked enough without some mollycoddling mummy telling tales? It’s not the schools job to police kids 24/7.
You are ridiculous.

So an 8 year old cycling in the middle of the road, not over to one side, and talking to strangers is having sense then?

Were there any cars coming? Obvs not, if there were I expect he would have moved over.

Talking to a mum with a kid in tow is probably one of the 'safe people' things his parents have taught him - I taught my child the same.

There are almost certainly more children killed in house fires than are abducted by strangers from a park. So if you were to look at risk in purely statistical terms he is probably safer at the park.

So it's not all about probability really, it's about using your judgement. His parents have judged it to be ok. The vast majority of parents care about their children and don't want any harm to come to them, so presumably they have weighed the risk against the benefits and decided they are happy with the level of risk. There can never be a zero risk option.

Do you struggle to catch a train OP?
After all, there's been a few derailings.
How about drive? There's car crashes everyday.

Child abduction is very rare in the UK, children are more likely to be bitten by a dangerous dog or hit by a drink driver email etc.

I live in a small town in Scotland. It's perfectly normal round here to see kids of 8 out on their own.

I agree with you op kids that young should not be going to the park by themselves. Just because it's daylight doesn't mean shit, a lot of kids are abducted, raped and murdered in daylight. But that's no bother as long as they got some independent fresh air beforehand 🙄

I think an 8 year old is fine playing in a park 5 mins from home. My 8 yo plays out and goes to a playground out of sight of the house.

I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us,

WTF did you do that for?

You engaged a strange 8 year old on his own in conversation, quizzed him about where he lived and his family pressured him to leave with you? I think you should e the one e pectin a knock-on the door not his parents🙄

It depends a lot where you live. The closest park to me attracts people that i wouldnt want my child alone with. Its fine in the day but by evening there is ocassionally people taking drugs and the odd alcoholic passing out. So we insist they go in groups and an adult walks down at the start.

You're not being unreasonable OP. I wouldn't let my child be out on his own at the age of 8. Each to their own though. We have also had warnings from the borough via the school about predators approaching primary school children when out on their own and advise to be vigilant etc.

a lot of kids are abducted, raped and murdered in daylight.

Every such case is a tragedy but to say that it happens to a lot of kids is just not true.

The last time a child was abducted and murdered within 50 miles of where I live was in the early 1980s. That's how rare it is.

They are no more likely to be abducted by a stranger than they have ever been, ffs. Yes kit would make the news if it happened because fortunately it is still very very rare.

People like you with your constant fear-mongering make me wonder how you get through the bloody day if you're jumping ayt every shadow and perceiving a threat there. They're more likely to be assaulted/raped/murdered by a member of their own family than they are by a stranger especially by some random woman using her own child as bait. Interesting you mention Myra Hindley, did you struggle to come up with a female child predator who has been active more recently than over half a century ago?
Honestly, stop being so melodramatic and such a busybody with other people's children. It's not neglect and it's none of your damned business. I bloody despair at the amount of swaddling modern children are subjected to no wonder so many can barely wipe their own backsides when they get to university.

a lot of kids are abducted, raped and murdered in daylight

No, they're really not. Have a look into the actual number of cases like this in the UK over the last ten years or so, compared to the number of children over the same time period. The risk is tiny.