I've had an altercation at the school gate this morning and I'm shaken up!

[NotStrongYet]

I was on my way into school early. It's school photos day so those with siblings could arrive early for a sibling shoot. I parked up and got the kids out of the car and all of a sudden I heard the most awful shouting. It was a Mum, screaming aggressively at her kid. The daughter (maybe aged 7) had run away up the street next to the school. The mum left her little boy (aged 2 i would guess) on a grass verge and ran after her daughter. I couldn't actually see what was happening at this point but I could hear the mum screaming and the daughter crying. They then followed us up the path to school. The Mum was shouting "do you know what happens to kids like you that run off? People take them and kill them!!!" I was a few feet ahead with my 5 and 3 year old who were looking more and more worried by the stuff the lady was screaming. I carried on walking. The daughter then said "mum I don't want to go to school". The mum grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, before sliding her arm in between her daughters back and her school bag and dragging her along the full length of the playground by the bag. Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete. I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". She said "this is a daily occurrence and the school know about it". She was almost hit by a car round there and every day she says she doesn't want to go to school" I said "I understand that, but what you're doing is wrong". She preceded to drag the child along the ground whilst shouting at her. I have told my daughters teacher and I've been assured this is going to be followed up. I'm shaking and not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels like I have. No child deserves to be treated like that, regardless of the circumstances.

Look I saw a mum looking like she was at the end of her tether kid was bolting etc etc so I helped her corral the kid told her to carry him I bought her bags along and we got him to nursery I could only do this because I had already dropped mine off never saw her that bad again never saw the need to report it BUT she was upset not angry at the child she wasnt injuring the child just struggling this is totally different situation and she has done this before I mean God forbid we are all perfect and never have a bad day but dragging your child along concrete there is no excuse for that 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't call this an altercation... I would call this, you sharing your judgement on a situation when it didn't help the situation and it wasn't needed.

It upset you??? Well... I'm pretty sure the daughter and mother were upset at that point too and not giving two *** How you felt.

Maybe next time if you want to report someone just do it, if not the maybe ask the mother or daughter if they're okay or would like help in any way.
And all that other woman done was spread gossip. Oh she saw he throw her child face first into a fence did she... GOSSIP until you've seen it with your own eyes.

I'm not saying I would do what this mum was doing or that I think it is right but I also do not agree with your oh it's upsetting me... I've had an altercation
.. my neighbour said she's also seen this and that comments

I think you did the right thing as poor mum sounds at absolute breaking point maybe she will now get offerd support rather than judged, people only see a snippet of there life I'm not saying it's right dragging the poor girl but that may have been the straw that broke the camels back. Its awful she may be getting threatened with action because her dd isnt going to school? If they still fine parents for non attendance. If it were me I'd ask her if she was ok even take her for a cuppa

Good for you, for saying something. The Mum may well need help, but the help wont come unless people report the violence.

Come on if she'd been dragged the full length of a playground on her shins she would be looking at skingrafts

The dragging sounds awful, I'm not surprised you felt the need to say something... Someone said to me try to focus on the child eg ask them if you can help not the adult, but obviously in the moment we don't always have the luxury of time to think of the perfect thing to say, and of all the things you could have said I think "that's upsetting me" is fine. It made it about you rather than her, hardly "stop that you piece of shit you're a terrible mum" is it

I doubt you would have needed to speak to a teacher. The girl would have been screaming in pain and have shins covered in blood.

Just from reading the op, you should have kept your thoughts to yourself.
🙄🙄🙄

I have a runner/often school refuser. It’s bloody awful and hard work but I’ve never dragged him etc

You have to plan for it , keep hold of them, put them in reins if need be

Mines often thrown himself on the floor and refused to move. Parents are lovely and tend to help cajole him along. I’m not sure many people would try to help if I was acting as aggressively as that women though

There should be some sort of plan in place with the school to give her some support if this is happening every day

I remember everyone staring at me all judgy when I was frantically calling loudly down the street in Camden after my toddler waddling off full pelt towards a corner crossing. She was determined to not have her hand held in the crowds and weaved through their legs faster than I could get through. Nobody bothered to try and stop her or give me a hand chasing her to stop her running across the road. The aloof attitude of people staring was frankly quite disgusting. Needless to say we never went out without a harness or a pushchair after that. I woman having this problem with a 7 year old...I dread to think how on earth one would deal with that every day and probably the school breathing down the mums neck about attendance probably stresses her out even more and brings the worst out. The iron gate though. That’s extreme.

Having to leave a 2 year old on the grass verge to deal with a run away 7 year old. That would freak me out. Trying to distract the child with making friends with yours and walking in together would help the mum a great deal if you can overcome your horror and discomfort fast enough.

You did the right thing.i hope you’re feeling more settled now.

I’ve done the distraction thing many times and it’s helped other mums and my own daughter have a friend to go in with. The children then end up looking after each other and helping each other deal with classroom dynamics, bullies or difficult teacher student relationships. Parents sometimes just don’t know what to do and fall back on what was done to them, but you can lead by help and example and if they want to be better parents they will follow. Parenting classes has been an option for some.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment you kind find an opening to help do an understanding comment and chat with the mum will soon have her feeling better and give you a chance to understand the situation and offer help in the future and formulate a plan together. If all else fails informally ask the teacher how they can help the poor mum and distressed child and give examples of what you have done and what has failed. Most mums will gladly or eventually take help and come to the realisation that they need a better way of dealing with these things.

*Sometimes in the heat of the moment you just can’t find an opening to help so then afterwards an understanding comment and chat with the mum will soon have her feeling better and give you a chance to understand the situation and offer help in the future and formulate a plan together. This has also worked in my experience and they are great mums just trying their best to get through. People can have so much more going on in their lives than others, or some kids love to play up to an audience outdoors and are quite placid at home. Maybe others are telling them they’re too soft. It’s not always black and white.

Having to leave a 2 year old on the grass verge to deal with a run away 7 year old
I want to ask the OP, Why did you not step in when the 2 years was left on the grass verge, take the baby by the hand to reassure the DM it was okay to keep chasing her DD.
I have been following the thread, Yes I was one of those who suspected exaggeration, though agree you done the right thing reporting, I am still hmmm with your change in how the child was dragged.
MY biggest question is why would you stand back when a child was on the verge.
I've held strangers babies while they packed their shopping in the boot, or stopped a toddler with a parent in pursuit.
I would never leave a baby at the road side while I watch all this unfold.

The mum sounds as if she's gone beyond breaking point. Heaven help anyone who did that to my child.
You did the right thing, OP. The NSPCC helpline can offer advice and support.

Wow, if the OP's account wasn't bad enough, you'd expect that her neighbour apparently having witnessed (and reported) this mother throwing her child face-first into a metal gate would result in unanimous condemnation.

But no, not on Mumsnet, where apparently reporting potential child abuse makes you a 'nosy twat'.

Some disgusting posters on here. Hope they don't have kids.

I am still hmmm with your change in how the child was dragged
I don't think there has been any change, just posters misunderstanding.

Why is the op being asked a million questions about why she didn't do xyz differently? You're stuck on the behaviour of the wrong person.

OP, please don't feel you have done anything wrong. You haven't ! Ok - so ..'you are upsetting me' was t the best line, however at least you said SOMETHING !!

Please please follow up with report to Social Services . I don't care how 'close to the edge ' the mother is . It doesn't 'allow' her to abuse the child.

All the 'judge, judgey, judgement ' comments from people who seem to have limited vocabulary and need to employ this meaningless word.. we ALL fucking 'judge' everything we see and do everyday. !
It does not mean you have to be an apologist for child abuse ..

Or is it a reasonable line of defence now . 'Sorry Your Honour, yes I am guilty of breaking my child's legs , I was really stressed ' Judge ; 'Oh I see , you poor woman . I understand - you are free to go home to live in harmony with your child ' .. really ?

Get a grip every one. Child abuse is everyone's business.

I have NEVER pushed, pulled or otherwise forced them into their backpack or coat or whatever it is they’re refuse to wear/carry

Oh come on. I have. What do you do when your child is laying on the ground refusing to move, and when you try and carry them they kick at you and go floppy? There's only so much you can do before you have to manhandle them or stay there.

If a man got stressed at his partner in the street and treated her the way the mother did her child then would it be ok? No.

True, but it's fine to take your child's fave possession away for bad behaviour, abusive if you do it to your partner... comparing it to partners isn't helpful.

If it bothers you that much then tell the school to pull their finger out and get more support for the mum.
If she's anything like me she's asked for help and been dismissed for a long time.