would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

[Zipliner]

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

Massive drip feed that it’s her/your 40th. That tips it into YABU actually.
Because when will she have her big celebration? Immediately before it will be all about leading up to the wedding, and afterwards you might be away on honeymoon/everyone will be partied out.

I spent my 40th doing the catering for my brother's wedding, and nobody wanted to come out for my birthday the night before because they were all attending the wedding. It was nearly five years ago and I still resent him for it; don't do it OP

As it’s a big birthday I would choose another day.

I don't think you should do it, especially if you're turning 40, as that means your 10 year anniversary will fall on you (and her) 50th - which ought to be a big day in itself. If she doesn't like it, then that's your answer - don't do it!

Why would you do it?

You weren't set on the idea, it was your fiancés idea; and she doesn't want you to. You'd be upsetting someone who is presumably close to you.

What is the justification for that?

If you fiancé wants fewer dates to remember, get married on his birthday.

Unbelievably selfish - if I was your twin I would be organising my own birthday celebration far away from your precious wedding. And I agree with a previous poster that you have probably been behaving in a similar way throughout your lives.

It doesn't matter what birthday it is, still a very bad idea.

Just choose another date and that doesn't clash with sports cup finals, etc

I love that you missed out the huge drip feed of it being on your 40th likely just so you would get people agreeing with you clicking YANBU and then moving onto another thread.

I would honestly question my relationship with my husband if he had suggested doing this. It sounds like he is trying very hard to drive a wedge between you and your sister.

Pick a different date - a close relative had a child on our wedding anniversary, and whilst I don't really expect anyone else to know/care when our anniversary is, said child's birthday always means that it's a little harder to find time to celebrate our anniversary. I doubt your anniversary will overshadow someone's birthday as genuinely nobody else really cares when you got married, but given the choice I would still avoid

Her 50th will be your big 10 year anniversary party, ditto 60th and 70th etc.

This is a good point - even those who don't do much for their anniversaries probably mark the bigger ones in some way, so it's in some way ruling out joint birthdays for the rest of time.

Her 50th will be your big 10 year anniversary party

I continue to feel like I'm somehow totally out of step with reality in this thread... No-one has a party for 10 years, do they?! 25 is the minimum that you can expect anyone else to care about, isn't it?!

Nope, don't do it.

If you get divorced it will make you sad on your birthday to remember your wedding. That's what happened to my brother. Do you want to taint your birthday (in the case you get divorced)?

Is he worried he may forget your anniversary? If it's on your birthday he has less chance of forgetting it!

I thought it was fine until you revealed it was your 40th and I think you didn't include this in your OP because you knew what everyones reaction would be. Horribly selfish of you and I have no idea why you would even consider this, unless you and your twin hate each other and you want to find a way to upset her

If you get divorced it will make you sad on your birthday to remember your wedding. That's what happened to my brother. Do you want to taint your birthday (in the case you get divorced)?

I think this is a bonkers objection. If I split up with my husband - the father of my child - the idea that 'my birthday might be spoilt' would be so far down the list of priorities that it wouldn't fit on the page. I'm not 6!

The actual reason not to do it is all the very true things people have said about how unfair it is to your sister.

I was sick of DH moaning that I wouldn't choose a date so to shut him up I told him we would get married on the first Saturday after his birthday. I actually loved having our anniversary so close to his birthday though because we went on holiday that week every year after.

However, I didn't have a twin to consider and it wasn't the same day exactly (2 days later). Could you marry around the date of your birthday and not on it like we did? That way your birthday is protected as a special day shared with your twin, but your anniversary is close enough to it for double celebrations if that's your thing?

I feel like this thread is a parallel universe where people are still having big birthday parties like children into their dotage! Someone upthread said they take their birthday off work! I have never, ever had a colleague take a day off work because it's their birthday and we'd all think it was ridiculous if they did - children don't even get the day off school for their birthdays!

Honestly I think it’s a way for your future husband to get out of having to remember another date. And that’s being generous.

I think from your and your twin’s perspective - you’ve always had to share your birthday. Why would you want to ask share it with your anniversary?

I don't know why you are even still considering this given that your twin has asked you not to do it.

Cynical me also wonders if your fiancé is trying to appropriate a day that has been reserved for you and your twin.

If you go ahead even though you know your twin is unhappy, what will you do if they decide to give your wedding a miss and have a big party with their friends instead. Your twin isn't obliged to care about your feelings if you don't care about theirs!

If I were your sister I would not be attending your wedding... I'd be out celebrating my 40th!

You and your husband to be sound very selfish.

It's VERY UNKIND to consider it, even
Don't be silly.
Choose one of the other 364/5 days available that year.

I feel like this thread is a parallel universe where people are still having big birthday parties like children into their dotage!

I thought it was pretty normal to celebrate milestone birthdays.

Of all the days to choose, why choose one that effectively steals your sister's 40th birthday (and possibly quite a lot of other big birthdays too?) Unless you want to upset her. It's very "me, me, me" and pushing your sister out of the picture.

You can be the centre of attention at your wedding...on any other day than your shared birthday.

I take my birthday off if I can, it's my annual leave and I don't have to justify it. I do it because pretty much all my other annual leave is taken off for child related reasons, and I'd like one day where I can chill and do stuff just for me.

I don't actually do a big thing on my birthday, a group of us in my family use birthdays as an excuse to go for a meal and be sociable, but that's it. I dont bother with cake or other things like that.

Milestone birthdays get a bit of special treatment, though.