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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 24/06/2019 09:44

Your StbDH is trying to drive a wedge between you and your sister/ assert the importance of your and his relationship over yours with your twin. And possibly managing it already.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 09:45

Meh it’s just a birthday. I genuinely can’t see the angst about birthdays as an adult. Does it really matter if one celebrates on a different day?

That said, your twin has objected and however unreasonable that may appear, you should honour her wishes and choose a different date.

saraclara · 24/06/2019 09:45

I wonder how many people voted YANBU before reading the drip feed? The voting box really needs to be at the end of the thread, not the beginning.

curiositycreature · 24/06/2019 09:46

I feel like this thread is a parallel universe where people are still having big birthday parties like children into their dotage! Someone upthread said they take their birthday off work!

I literally always take my birthday off. I don’t do anything to celebrate (even had a milestone this year and didn’t do anything). My colleagues don’t know it’s my birthday though. I just like having the day to myself. I get pretty generous AL.

Tuktuktaker · 24/06/2019 09:47

Was just going to write that your twin was being a birthdayzilla until I saw it was both your fortieth. If you would normally both make a big deal for a milestone birthday and have a big celebration with friends and family, then I do understand your twin's point of view. If the birthday is round about the same time as you would be choosing to have your wedding anyway, it's a difficult one because you'll be having two celebrations with all that involves, within a short space of time, which might not work; if your birthday is not in a month or season where you would have otherwise chosen to have your wedding, then I'd definitely celebrate both, separately, if I were you. If you wouldn't normally be doing anything special apart from a meal with family on your 40th, then I think your twin is being unreasonable. So many possible permutations of this!

ImARocketMan · 24/06/2019 09:48

Sorry but I think YABU and also quite selfish. Your 40th birthday should be about you and your twin, not you and your DH2B while she gets pushed to the side. There are 365 days in a year (366 next year!) I would just choose another day.

Notonthestairs · 24/06/2019 09:48

Spread your celebration days out.

I'm wondering how close you are to your twin?

stellavisionandunderstanding · 24/06/2019 09:49

I'm an identical twin and I know my twin and I would hate this. It's our day! What a ridiculous idea.

MauritiusDreaming · 24/06/2019 09:50

When my fiance and I got engaged one of the dates suggested to us was the day before my twin nephews birthday - my mum very wisely suggested we picked another date. Now we are getting married 2 weeks after their birthday.
Your wedding anniversary is always going to be special, as is your birthday - why combine the two if you have the choice to be able to celebrate them on different days

CharminglyGawky · 24/06/2019 09:52

No I would not get married on a sibling's 40th, seems a bit mean to me!

cccameron · 24/06/2019 09:53

I feel like this thread is a parallel universe where people are still having big birthday parties like children into their dotage!

No, mumsnet is a parallel universe where no one over the age of 10 is allowed to celebrate their birthdays or get presents at Xmas. How joyless your life must be if you can't understand celebrating a milestone birthday. And yes, lots of people take their birthday off work so they can have an enjoyable, relaxing day, good on them!

ChicCroissant · 24/06/2019 09:54

Hmm I am having trouble believing this thread, as it seems so unlikely that anyone would think this was a good idea.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 24/06/2019 09:55

Seems a bit unnecessary to cause upset over this. Your wedding is special just as it is. Pick a date that's special to the two of you - don't hijack your joint birthday.

Itssosunny · 24/06/2019 09:55

Your fiance is a CF. He wants to have a wedding on your birthday so in the future he could save money from buying two presents: one for both the birthday and for the wedding anniversary Grin

cccameron · 24/06/2019 09:57

Your fiance is doing this because
A. He thinks he'll never forget your anniversary
B. He thinks he won't have to organise anything for your 40th birthday
C. Probably thinks he can get away with a good present as well. Like the type of skinflints that buy engagement rings as birthday or Christmas presents.

needsomesleepy · 24/06/2019 09:59

I wonder how many people voted YANBU before reading the drip feed? The voting box really needs to be at the end of the thread, not the beginning.

I don't know anything about voting boxes but I agree that was one hell of a drip feed OP

Hermagsjesty · 24/06/2019 10:00

I wouldn’t get married on my birthday and I’m not even a twin - what if you separate?!

BackforGood · 24/06/2019 10:03

Another who is not even a twin, who wouldn't have got married on her birthday.
Spread your celebrations out - have more occasions to celebrate.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 24/06/2019 10:04

DH's birthday fell on a Saturday right in the middle of the ideal range of dates. We avoided it by a week because we wanted them seperately and if anything happened in the future to make our anniversary a sore point, it wouldn't sully the birthday.

Picking your twin's birthday is worse to me than any other sibling because there always is an element of sharing.

Especially a milestone where you are removing her choice to celebrate as she wished both for the wedding day and as a conflict of interest for other major birthdays/ anniversaries.

Is there likely to be a clash of babysitting expectations in the future where she may struggle to get family to babysit on her birthday because they're already babysitting for you and it's your anniversary on top of your birthday.
I knew someone who chose a date like Valentine's Day for its symbolism then moaned for so many years after because it was tough to find a babysitter, and then everywhere was heaving and it wasn't personal.

Dates matter.

Nogoodusername · 24/06/2019 10:05

Terrible idea. Your twin is forced to celebrate her milestone birthday at your wedding. I’m not that into birthdays (nor anniversaries) and even I can see that it would be really unfair. It also makes me doubt your partner’s intentions too - is he trying to assert your relationship over that with your sister? So unnecessary when there are countless other dates you could do. Don’t do it!

QueenofmyPrinces · 24/06/2019 10:05

Really don't see what the big deal is?

My best friend got married on my birthday and it was amazing!!

I got married on my dad's birthday and that was amazing too.

I imagine you'd have your twin as a bridesmaid and if I was your twin and getting to do that on my birthday I'd think it would make the day 100 times more special.

It's only for one year because lets be honest, no one really cares or celebrates wedding anniversaries (bar tyand couple themselves) so it isn't like her birthday will forever be in the shadow of her birthday.

She's being very childish and seriously overreacting.

adaline · 24/06/2019 10:07

I feel like this thread is a parallel universe where people are still having big birthday parties like children into their dotage! Someone upthread said they take their birthday off work

Good God, what a miserable attitude! I work shifts and always request my birthday as a day off. Why on earth does it matter to you what other people do for their birthdays?

And I'm pretty sure having big celebrations for 30th/40th/50th birthdays is pretty normal - you can hardly claim it's weird!

TheInvestigator · 24/06/2019 10:10

It's her 40th! People will be too busy with your wedding to fit in a 40th party. And weddings costs guests money, so they may not have the money to spend on another event.
It's very selfish. Why would you do it? And your family are really into anniversaries, so from now on it will your anniversary... And the birthday will come second. So her birthday will come second. Why on earth would you plan to do that to her?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2019 10:11

No-one has a party for 10 years, do they?! except op has said that wedding anniversaries are a big thing in her family. Even if thry just go away instead, it still means not celebrating her sisters birthday with her

LastChanceFinalOffer · 24/06/2019 10:11

Monsoon style dripfeed there op. 😂

Of course YABU. It would be selfish and unkind to do such a thing. You want to make your shared significant birthday all about you and highjack your twin's 40th birthday, along with every other significant birthday from that point on. Surely you can see why that is selfcentred? And your twin has asked you not to do it. Choose another day (a month or so later). Remember your twin has been with you since forever, don't let this cause a rift. A suspicious person might think your DP is trying to drive a wedge because he is jealous of how close you and your sister are.

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