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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:

Sakura7 · 26/06/2019 08:24

You must have an incredibly dour set of friends and family.

What absolute nonsense. Not everyone is into having a big party, doesn't mean for a moment that they're dour.

Nanny0gg · 26/06/2019 10:13

You do know that the OP is going to choose a different date, yes? Because you read her posts...

OnceUponAThread · 26/06/2019 10:38

Pleased you've decided to see reason and choose a different date. I definitely think it would have seemed harsh to takeover the 40th birthday. Very selfish too.

If you were desperate to get married on your birthday perhaps a compromise would be to delay by a year and have it on your 41st. Then you wouldn't be impacting the big milestone birthdays forever more.

I think your twin would have to accept this, because I don't think she can say you can never do anything you want on your birthday, and you'd have considered her (very justified) point of view this year.

Personally I would want them separate just because I would always want to celebrate my birthday and my anniversary (even if only with my OH) and would want them to be different days.

But if you have your heart set on a birthday wedding then I'd delay and go for a non-milestone year.
As you will have noticed far fewer people thought YWBU before you dropped the 40th clanger,

On a separate note - why can't I see the voting? Does it not show on mobile or is it just not available for everyone.

ddl1 · 26/06/2019 18:36

'You must have an incredibly dour set of friends and family.'

What is 'dour' about not having big parties for these occasions? Many people don't particularly enjoy big paries and/or don't want all and sundry involved in marking their transition to a new age. On the other hand, some of the most dour people whom I know do go in for big parties and occasions, which they insist on having 'just so' and organizing with military precision. Admittedly, one can have no interest in having a huge party for one's 40th birthday and still prefer not to spend the day attending someone else's wedding.

Original poster

Zipliner · 26/06/2019 19:34

we discussed this with my fiancé and have decided not to have our wedding on our birthday. when he suggested my bday he was only trying to make me feel special (which many partners do)

im annoyed because i wanted it on my bday but cant as i have to consider twin sis feelings

its done, the date wont be on our bday

thanks

OP posts:

Chloemol · 26/06/2019 19:42

So on all the special birthdays as twins, so 40, 50, 60 etc it will be shadowed by your wedding anniversary. I think you are being extremely selfish here, she is your sister for life, in 5 years your marriage could be over! You have other days to chose so use one of them

curiositycreature · 26/06/2019 20:44

Do feel for you OP, it’s annoyingly that it’s YOUR birthday and you can’t do it. I’m sure there’s probably a few things like this that crop up when you’re a twin. But the good news is that it won’t make an ounce of difference come your wedding day ☺️

Sakura7 · 26/06/2019 22:02

That's good that you resolved it OP. Please don't be annoyed with your sister, she hasn't done anything wrong. I get why it feels shit that you can't go with the day you want, but it would have been asking an awful lot of your sister.

Esker · 26/06/2019 22:11

Guess it depends how much your twin cares about birthdays / celebrating on the day. I don't really care about my birthday and find it odd when other adults massively care about theirs (as in, fair enough wanting to celebrate, but rigid insistence on the date seems bit childish to me). In fact, my sister (not twins though) got married on my birthday last year and I had actually forgotten that fact until I was well in to writing this post 😅

BoneyBackJefferson · 26/06/2019 22:21

Its good to see that you have changed your mind.

IncognitaIgnorama · 26/06/2019 22:25

I think getting married is pretty special full stop,OP -focus on that instead of your annoyance that your fiance's idea of having it on your Birthday is not what's going to happen

Pinkprincess1978 · 26/06/2019 22:32

I can see your twins thinking 'Hey DS, shall we have a family meal to celebrate our birthday next week?' 'Oh sorry can't do that, it's our anniversary and DH wants us to go out for a meal just the two of us'.

That will be you both now forever. Sorry I think it's a bad idea on your DF only suggested it so he only has one date to remember.

Theworldisfullofgs · 27/06/2019 11:34

I'm sure your twin loves you too - she's so lucky to have you.

Honestly, if my twin felt like it was hard work to consider my feelings...

Diamondjem · 27/06/2019 13:59

I've just had to create an account to comment on this. Yes, it's an awful idea and very selfish, she's not being given the choice of how she'd like to spend her day. And @NewAccount270219 I work in retail and my bday is a week b4 Xmas so if it falls on a Saturday I don't have the choice, I have to work but I always take the day after off so I can relax and have a few glasses of wine to celebrate and as for not celebrating anniversaries, we always go away for a night or two. I think it's really sad that you wouldn't celebrate the biggest and most memorable day of your relationship

Nanny0gg · 27/06/2019 14:06

@Diamondjem

I've just had to create an account to comment on this

Why?

She's already posted twice that she's going to chose a different day.

user1480880826 · 27/06/2019 14:22

Why is your birthday so significant? Grown adults who think everyone wants to celebrate their birthdays are odd.

Also, anniversaries are only significant to the couple who got married so it really isn’t going to detract from future birthdays (should your sister think she still needs everyone to celebrate it!)

Lweji · 27/06/2019 15:05

Why shouldn't adults want to celebrate birthdays? It's like saying that Christmas is only for children.
Some people don't care about them, but it doesn't make those who do unreasonable.

StormTreader · 27/06/2019 15:21

"None of my friends or family had parties for their 40th, 50th or even 60th. They all just had celebrations with their partner and children"

Thats lovely for them, I don't have either of those. I guess all we single 40 year old women get to sit at home feeling even more outcast from society than we usually do? I'll add birthdays to the huge list of "work collection events" like marriages and babies that I'll also never get to celebrate or benefit from I guess.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 27/06/2019 15:47

"if she was the one getting married and wanted to do so on our bday, it wouldnt matter to me

I know you said you've changed your mind but clearly you still don't get it. You say it wouldn't matter to you but clearly the birthday element of that particular date does matter otherwise you wouldn't be preferring to hold your wedding on your 40th. Either the birthday is of significance or it's not - you can't say it should be no big deal to your sister whilst simultaneously saying it's important enough to you to want to get married on that date.

Bear in mind that the YABU votes would likely be an even higher % if you'd mentioned in your OP that it was your 40th and historically your family celebrates birthdays.

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