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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 24/06/2019 08:23

I got married on my mum’s birthday and it was lovely on the day, we made a fuss of her, had a birthday cake brought out and everybody sang etc (we did ask her previously to booking the wedding whether she minded us using the date). However since then I always feel a bit guilty on our anniversary that we’ve stolen her day. We want to go out as a couple for our anniversary, but I d usually have taken my mum out for her birthday, so it becomes a compromise! That’s bad enough, I especially wouldn’t want it on my own birthday, it’s better to have your own separate anniversary. If your twin is already saying they’d not like it you’d be a bit horrible to do it.

Isadora2007 · 24/06/2019 08:23

Means you will be celebrating anniversary instead of birthday so effectively losing birthday.

Who actually “celebrates” an anniversary though? Maybe I’m unusual but we don’t do anything other than maybe say happy anniversary or “oh this time x years ago we were...” we certainly don’t do anything for it nor get cards etc. Unless it’s a big one when maybe my in laws send a card...
Plus as an adult, how much are the family really involved with a birthday either? Surely most people end up working on birthdays so you “celebrate“ on a day other than your birthday anyway.
I’ve voted yanbu but I think your twin sounds a bit precious so for family peace id l’d choose another day.

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:24

Ah, if it's your 40th then I have more sympathy for your twin - that is a big birthday that she's essentially going to miss out on for your celebration. And I don't quite understand your second answer but if your family are into each others' anniversaries (which I find bizarre, but whatever) then I also think it's mean to do that on her birthday.

TheCraicDealer · 24/06/2019 08:25

Just saw it's your fortieth- I'm a twin and wouldn't have cared normally, but for a significant birthday it really wouldn't be fair. You're making a milestone birthday about you and your DP rather than you and her, and you're forcing your twin to spend her fortieth at a wedding. Which, even when it is your twin getting married, can be boring AF and involve hassle/work if you're part of the wedding party. Big nope from me.

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:25

So your dp and you want to go away every year for your anniversary

Do people really do this? I find this so surprising, all the married couples I know are like DH and I and treat it as pretty much a non-event, maybe a meal out at the nearest weekend. People might do something for a big anniversary, but that's 25 years + down the line, so...

AngeloMysterioso · 24/06/2019 08:27

I don’t think I’d want my wedding on my birthday either way tbh. One will always be overlooked or only half-acknowledged in favour of the other.

Original poster
Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:27

A friend had her wedding on her 21st and the marriage didn't last. She felt her birthday was spoiled as a result. I wouldn't anyway, but especially if I was a twin!

if i got divorced, i would go back to celebrating my bday onlyHmm

OP posts:
BobTheDuvet · 24/06/2019 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teddybear45 · 24/06/2019 08:28

Pick another day. Your twin already said no

BrokenWing · 24/06/2019 08:28

If there isnt a burning reason to get married on your 40th (i.e. only date venue is available), then I'd avoid it to prevent upsetting a sibling I was close to.

If you get married on your birthday it means you miss out on separate celebrations every year! I have a birthday near Xmas and hated how I only ever got one present for both.

AngeloMysterioso · 24/06/2019 08:28

And looking at it from your twin’s perspective, she’s shared her birthday with you her entire life, now she has to share it with your wedding day too?

AyBeeCee10 · 24/06/2019 08:28

NewAccount I find it surprising that people treat it as a non event. It was a special day to you once, why not every year. Everyone does it differently, we love celebrating it as much as our birthdays.

Toooldoryoungenough · 24/06/2019 08:29

I’m with the majority, pick another day. But I’ve got a feeling that’s not what you want to hear!

It’s both your 40th birthdays and - if you have it that day - you’re essentially dictating to your twin what she’ll do on her big birthday: attend an event that’s all about you.

Have it the next day! Or the day before! Why do it then?

Twooter · 24/06/2019 08:29

Even worse if it’s a big birthday!

bridgetreilly · 24/06/2019 08:30

I wouldn't care at all, but since she obviously does care and she is your sister, I think it would be kind to move it if you can. But I really don't care about adult birthdays or other people's wedding anniversaries.

curiositycreature · 24/06/2019 08:30

I don’t think it’s fair as it’s your 40th. Especially seeing as your 10th anniversary will be your 50th, 25th anniversary will be your 65th. All of these big milestones are going to coincide. Could potentially cause some problems for both your sister and your DH.

TheGoogleMum · 24/06/2019 08:32

I'm not a twin but I would pick a different date. My wedding anniversary is almost exactly 6 months from my birthday, much better :) my wedding wasn't on anyone's birthday but was a few days after a friend's husband's birthday (not a special year) and I didn't hear the end of it...

ShatnersWig · 24/06/2019 08:35

Selfish as fuck if it would clash with a big birthday.

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:35

To be fair, I don't get why people make a huge fuss over anniversaries OR adult birthdays, except possibly big milestone ones for both. When I say we 'celebrate' my birthday not our anniversary I mean that DH gets me a card and a few presents. So maybe my mindset is unhelpful for this question.

As I said, I don't think OP should do it - it's their 40th (a big dripfeed) and her sister has explicitly asked her not to so it really isn't worth upsetting her.

HappyPunky · 24/06/2019 08:36

I would have it a few days before so I'm on honeymoon for my birthday but that's partly because I like to go on holiday on my birthday.

Topsecretidentity · 24/06/2019 08:37

I'm a twin and would be disappointed if my twin did this. It's selfish and there's 365 other days in the year. If there's no necessity for having it on your birthday then pick another date. You expect your twin on her birthday to be following you around all day, hitching up your dress, being nervous about her speech...weddings suck for the maid of honour so she wouldn't even get let her hair down until the end. That's not to mention having to celebrate your anniversary too on her birthday every year after that.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 24/06/2019 08:37

Of course you don’t! You’re a twin. It’s not just about you. Just don’t do it. But I think you will.

tenlittlecygnets · 24/06/2019 08:38

No. There are 365 days n the eyar. Choose another one. Esp if your twin doesn't like the idea. I always think this is weird. Have separate days, separate celebrations!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 24/06/2019 08:39

I got married on my 21sh birthday and we have always celebrated my birthday, ive never found it a problem

But if i had a twin I wouldn’t have done it

Especially if its a big birthday

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:43

Incidentally, I knew a couple of people who were horrified that we were getting married on my birthday. They were equally horrified that we didn't have engagement or getting ready photo shoots, that the wedding was quite casual and fairly small, that we planned it in five months... I thought they were rare examples for sticklers for arcane wedding etiquette, I didn't realise it was a mainstream opinion!

Again, though, I don't have a twin - that's what changes everything for the OP.