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AIBU?

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Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
omione · 24/06/2019 08:44

Husband to be is being very clever here, he will only ever have to buy you one bunch of flowers/present to cover both occasions ! Why dont you suggest you get married on his birthday then wait for the excuses to roll in

bigbeans · 24/06/2019 08:44

It's your 40th. This would be hugely selfish.
The cynic in me is wondering if DH2Be suggested it so he wouldn't have to plan a good bday party for you

snitzelvoncrumb · 24/06/2019 08:44

I think it's fine as long as it's not a milestone birthday, and you ask your twin first. You also need to understand the day will be their birthday, and you can't get upset by family bringing them a gift and making a fuss over them.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 24/06/2019 08:44

curiosity makes a v good point, that not only does it clash with a "big" birthday this year but will into the future if the marriage lasts.

Just do another day.

Collaborate · 24/06/2019 08:45

I think it would be strange of others celebrate your anniversary. If I were you I'd be concerned about the effect of divorce.

snitzelvoncrumb · 24/06/2019 08:46

Oh it's your 40tb. I guess as long as you don't mind your twin not going to the wedding.

Saracen · 24/06/2019 08:46

I was ready to say it was fine - I got married on my mum's birthday - but you say that your twin objects. Their feelings matter more. At this early stage in the planning, it is easy enough to choose a different day.

It doesn't matter whether your sibling is being unreasonable about it. Do the kind thing and get married on a different day.

LL83 · 24/06/2019 08:46

Just saw that it is your 40th! Yabvu. DP is unreasonable to suggest it, you were unreasonable to consider it. Even more unreasonable to discuss with twin. Choose another day. Seriously risk changing twin and possibly others opinion of you forever.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 24/06/2019 08:46

I have twin dc and there are many lovely special things about twins - but one compromise is that birthdays are always shared.

Selfish to dictate what your twin does on her 40th.

regularbutpanickingabit · 24/06/2019 08:47

Choosing to get married on your own birthday is perfectly fine. Choosing to get married on your 40th is also perfectly fine and I guess saves the cost of 2 parties!

However, what you are effectively doing as a twin is rolling your birthday in to a double celebration for you and a nothing celebration for your twin. I can see why that would upset her. Especially for her actual 40th birthday where she has no control over what she does for her own birthday celebrations and of course the day isn't about her any more. It's all about you! Any other year she might not have felt so strongly about it but landmark birthdays are a bit a different.

Surely you can understand that?

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:47

If I were you I'd be concerned about the effect of divorce.

I just find this thread more and more baffling.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/06/2019 08:48

Sounds like your DP wants to get away with only remembering one day a year and only having to buy one gift!
Especially as it’s a big one, it’s a no from me too.

CornishMaid1 · 24/06/2019 08:49

If you were not a twin then I would say yes, as a twin and especially if it is planned for your 40th birthday then I would say no, especially as she does not want it.

You could always do what I did - get married the day before your birthday. You don't have the clash, DH will remember your anniversary and you will wake up the next day to your first day married and on your birthday.

If you are planning a party for your 40th and people are travelling for that, it is easy to tack on the extra day.

Catapultaway · 24/06/2019 08:50

I would do it if my sister didn't care. I wouldn't care about a wedding on my birthday, at 40 I'm too old to be dramatic about being centre of attention on my birthday.
But your sis does care, so I would choose another day.

saraclara · 24/06/2019 08:52

I'm not big on birthday celebrations at all, but jeeze, this is her 40th!
You're basically hijacking her big birthday, when she probably had plans and was hoping for a big party or something similar.

No, it would be very selfish of you. Pick another day.

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:52

You could always do what I did - get married the day before your birthday. You don't have the clash, DH will remember your anniversary and you will wake up the next day to your first day married and on your birthday.

I can't imagine the twin will like that either, as then their birthday will still be a bit lost in the wedding stuff and any celebration will be more of a subdued hungover affair! Plus I would guess that OP's birthday next year is a Saturday and that's why the idea came up?

Youngandfree · 24/06/2019 08:52

I can NEVER understand why someone would want to get married on their birthday (SIL did It) all it means is your dh has less to remember and less to buy for!! No way!! Do it on a completely different day (or month even!)

saraclara · 24/06/2019 08:55

I'm surprised how strongly I feel about this. But you do sound extraordinarily selfish, OP.

MuchTooTired · 24/06/2019 08:55

I’m not a twin, but have DTs, and I do feel sorry for them in a way because they have to share their birthday - I love my birthday and it was a big deal to me for 30 odd years. Less so now I have kids!

I wouldn’t do it, especially as your DS has said she’s unhappy with it. I like CornishMaid1’s idea of getting married the day before.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 24/06/2019 08:56

I would normally say your day, your choice, but this isn't your day, it's a day you share with someone else. You are essentially blocking any chance of your twin celebrating her birthday - do it a couple of days before? You'll be in the heat of organising wedding, picking up the dress, getting your nails done, needing an early night. Do it the day after? Everyone's done in from the wedding. The week after? Her twin is on honeymoon.

You're being really, really selfish and dare I say, bridezilla.

NewAccount270219 · 24/06/2019 08:57

I don't understand the 'it saves him a present' brigade - surely you either exchange anniversary gifts or you don't and so if she doesn't get one because it's her birthday then it also saves her buying a gift?

formerbabe · 24/06/2019 08:58

I think it's fine if it's not a milestone birthday. Your twin is being a bit precious imo.

Annonymiss123 · 24/06/2019 08:58

What good reason could he have for it besides easier for him in the future to remember one date

This was my first thought too.

It's your 40th. This would be hugely selfish

^This.^. Your twin deserves to feel special on her birthday too - especially a milestone birthday that usually involves extra celebrations.

Pick another day!

formerbabe · 24/06/2019 08:58

Sorry just rtft and it is a milestone birthday.

Tallgreenbottle · 24/06/2019 09:01

But why though? There are litterally hundreds of other days you can choose. And as a twin that would fuck me off tbh. Pick another date OP, don't be an arse. She's your twin.

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