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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
CookieDeal · 24/06/2019 09:02

So your sister has already said they have a problem with making your joint 40th all about you and your wedding (understandable) and yet you're still considering it?

Nice. Hmm

onyourway · 24/06/2019 09:02

I have visions of your shared 50th with your dh popping his head in all the photos saying 'and it's our wedding anniversary too.....' Smile

Toddlerteaplease · 24/06/2019 09:03

Spread your special days out.

VivienneHolt · 24/06/2019 09:03

I think that this is a selfish idea, especially because it’s a milestone birthday. I don’t get wanting to get married on your birthday anyway but it’s particularly daft when you have a twin you know it will upset.

Pinkmouse6 · 24/06/2019 09:04

Unless it’s an important milestone birthday, I can’t really see a big deal. The older I get, the less important my birthdays become. I really wouldn’t mind this.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 24/06/2019 09:04

I'm thinking this is a reverse and this is the twin who is unhappy not sharing her milestone birthday

Waveysnail · 24/06/2019 09:04

You want to get married on hers and your 40th!! That's a bit off.

Starfish85 · 24/06/2019 09:04

I think the reason you like it being on your 40th is that it would be like one massive party to celebrate you getting married and you turning 40. Everyone you care about in one place for your birthday - wonderful.

Except it wouldn't be wonderful for your twin. It wouldn't be a lovely day to celebrate a milestone birthday for them it would be a day spent watching you getting to do that whilst they missed out.

You say your family make a big deal of anniversaries each year too, so you plan to make every one of their future birthdays a bit less special so everyone of your future birthdays is extra lovely. I expect in 10 years you'll have a combined 50th birthday party/10th wedding anniversary party. Nice for you...shame about your twin.

If you like your twin at all then I don't understand why you would do this. It would be the selfish gift that keeps on giving.

Pinkmouse6 · 24/06/2019 09:05

Ahh ok, I see it is a milestone birthday and you’re wanting to make it all about you, this changes things.

HundredMilesAnHour · 24/06/2019 09:05

I don't understand why you'd even consider this. It's massively selfish.

NewDayHasBegun · 24/06/2019 09:05

Don’t do it.

I’m not a big birthday person, all I need is a day off work and a wee treat for myself and I’m happy - a day to do what I want and relax. It’s not about attention.

That’s why my worst birthday in recent times was the day before my sister’s destination wedding. I really resented it - it wasn’t even about the attention, it was the fact because of rehearsals and other wedding stuff I never got to have the one thing I want my birthday to be: one day where I could wake up and think - what do I want to do today? I didn’t say anything of course but I did feel sad about it

ShatnersWig · 24/06/2019 09:06

Unless it’s an important milestone birthday, I can’t really see a big deal

It is @Pinkmouse6. Always helpful to read a full thread or at least all the OPs posts.

IceRebel · 24/06/2019 09:06

I'm thinking this is a reverse and this is the twin who is unhappy not sharing her milestone birthday

I don't think so. Surely if it were a reverse the 40th information would be in the OP, rather than a dripfeed which many on the thread have actually missed.

Tallgreenbottle · 24/06/2019 09:06

Also reading the OP's replies we know exactly which 'twin' she is... The selfimportant one who can't see past the end of her nose. Her poor sister, I imagine it's been like that the entire time and now OP wants to steal her sister's 40th birthday too and make it all about her i stead of eachother Sad

QuizzlyBear · 24/06/2019 09:09

If your sister wasn't your twin, would you pick her birthday to get married on?

If the answer's no, then there you have it. If yes, then maybe you need to sit down with your twin and justify that.

bumble270 · 24/06/2019 09:09

I would be very upset if I had a twin who was going to that, it's a milestone birthday for you both.
your twin will be forgotten in all the excitement of the day and it will be all about you.
I think the PP meant when her friend looks back at her 21st she will always think of her wedding so now she's divorced it overshadows it when it should have been a celebration

Regardless of future birthdays I'm sure she will always feel her 40th was overlooked

TeaMeBasil · 24/06/2019 09:12

Choosing to get married on your own birthday is perfectly fine. Choosing to get married on your 40th is also perfectly fine and I guess saves the cost of 2 parties!

However, what you are effectively doing as a twin is rolling your birthday in to a double celebration for you and a nothing celebration for your twin. I can see why that would upset her. Especially for her actual 40th birthday where she has no control over what she does for her own birthday celebrations and of course the day isn't about her any more. It's all about you! Any other year she might not have felt so strongly about it but landmark birthdays are a bit a different.

Surely you can understand that?

Fully agree with this ^^

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 24/06/2019 09:12

I wouldn’t. Putting your wedding on your sister’s 40th effectively means she doesn’t get to celebrate her 40th as everyone will be focused on your wedding. And don’t say ‘she can do it another day’ as a) her birthday is set it’s your wedding which can move, and b) weddings are a load of expanse and hassle, no one will but up for two big parties in quick succession.

Also, there are so few days to celebrate as an adult, why pile two of them on one date? Spread them out across the year = more to look forward to.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/06/2019 09:14

Your poor twin. Have they always lived in your shadow or is this revenge?

Poppins2016 · 24/06/2019 09:15

You'll have the same issue on your 50th/60th (etc.) birthdays as they'll clash with your big wedding anniversaries... I would pick another day.

Lweji · 24/06/2019 09:15

No!!!!! Very bad idea!

DuMondeB · 24/06/2019 09:16

If this was phrased as ‘is it ok to get married on my sister’s milestone birthday’ pretty sure most people would say ‘not if you actually like your sister’.

itsabongthing · 24/06/2019 09:17

If it’s the best day for other reasons, only one when church/venue is available then I think I would, but I would talk to them about it first.
Yes on that day the birthday wouldn’t take precedence but of course it would other years as wedding anniversaries are not a big deal at all outside of the immediate couple.

Lweji · 24/06/2019 09:18

It's just a plot by the groom not to remember another date.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2019 09:18

I think getting married in your sisters 40th is not on.

She has no choice about what to do on her 4pth as she has to be there with you. The night before probably with you if she's in bridal party etc. It totally takes over the whole weekend.

Her 50th will be your big 10 year anniversary party, ditto 60th and 70th etc.

I honestly think for the sake of a weeks difference it's really selfish